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2 + 2 = 4



Today I am thankful for basic reasoning skills.




I spent the past weekend hearing about how insecure I am. 
I felt intensely scrutinized and criticized by Steve.
I also heard about how Steve claimed that I tried to start a fight by disagreeing with him.  He went out of his way to threaten me to insure that I would never come back.




I heard that there was another woman but he claimed he wasn't interested in her.
Last night, I learned that Steve feels like I never loved him.  He claimed that I couldn't say "no" and he picked a fight to give me an out.  The thing that pisses me off about that is that Steve has actually met men that have been told NO!  One was told NO to sex.  Several were told NO to dates.


He actually told other people that he thought that I couldn't say no and never loved him.  I am incredibly embarrassed by that.


*****



My sense is that he is projecting his insecurities onto me.


His insecurities cause him to become emotionally abusive. I don't think he means to do that.  I think those emotional toxic dumps are what he does when he is hurting.  I think all those evil things he writes about me are things he thinks about himself.
I don't know. 


I think the other woman may have been the catalyst for the last conflict.  Maybe....just maybe...if he chased me away, he could seriously consider the other connection. 


*****


Steve's not the only one being offered other doors.  I am avoiding Nick....still.  There is a bass musician event this Sunday.  If enough people register and I'm sure that I can get lost in the crowd and not be easily found, I'll go.  He's lonely.  I'm lonely.  We have far too much in common.  This is a lethal combination.  Even if I cut ties completely with Steve today, it would be an insult to latch onto someone else so quickly.

Besides, I feel all negative and gunky.  I need to get the negative energy off of me before hanging out with any man. 



*****


Yes, I am a little shocked that Steve thought that I never loved him.

There are five distinct love languages.  Love languages are the way in which we tend to show love to other people. If he didn't feel loved by me, it is possible that I didn't utilize his model of love. In truth,  I thought I had hit all of the following love languages.


1.) Words of Affirmation
2.) Quality Time
3.)  Acts of Services
4.) Gifts
5.) Physical Touch


His love languages are Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service.


Mine are Quality Time, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation.


I don't know.

I truly do not want to be with a man who emotionally abuses me every time he feels insecure.  I know it will happen again.  This hurts me deeply.


*****


There is a spell I can do tomorrow to kill the connection.  I am seriously considering it.  This is probably hurting both of us too darn much.


Love isn't enough, is it? 
Love ya,


S.









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