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Wake Up Calls

Today I am thankful for wake-up calls.
 
 
It looks like my ex and I are close to a settlement.  He wants to divide the assets now and then go through the divorce process. 
 
 
I didn't agree with him because I figured it would be less of a tax liability to do it when things were finalized.  I don't know.  I'm trying to find a good paying job, one that will limit his pay-out. 
 
 
Things aren't going well. 

I don't want to say exactly how I know this but I caught my ex in a lie about the stalking.  He IS the stalker and his sister is playing along.  When I confronted him, he walked off and began talking about the divorce. 

It has to happen.  There is no other way!

The past couple of years have been hard.  When I recognized that I had feelings for someone else and that my heart wasn't dead, it literally hurt me. 

When he told me that he had feelings for me, the pain tripled.  At this point, I recognized that I was hurting him with my inaction. 
 
I stay here. 
 
 
I avoid my friend. 
 
 
I think my friend had a bad day today.  I can feel it.  It's horrible.  I just want to hug him. 
 
 
I can't. 
 
 
I can't because I stay here trying to do the right thing. 
 
Maybe doing the right thing
 
is the wrong thing. 
 
I guess I can survive on half the savings until I find a job.  Maybe I'll push this thing a little harder. 
 
Never ignore your heart.  It only leads to trouble. 

Love is rare. It's a gift that shouldn't be wasted. 

I'm an idiot.   
 
Love ya,
 
S.   
 
 
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