My Ex's Ego

Today I am thankful for my ex's ego. 

For seven years, I've been his ex.  

In fact, we initially claimed separation thirteen years ago.  His mother gave him an ultimatum; she would disown him unless he divorced me.  She was angry that I didn't quit college.  Day after day, she and her minions would call and tell me that her daughter was the only person with our last name who was allowed to go to college and be successful.  I was told that I was not allowed to "outperform Shannon."  That was quite a tall order being that Shannon didn't work, go to school, and lived in her mother's basement.

Mike would leave the room and they would corner me and get violent with me over the issue.  I never understood why he didn't intervene.  He had to know what they were doing.  I told him but he ignored me.  

I didn't give a crud what they thought.  I wanted to finish college anyway.   My mother-in-law told everyone that I was her natural daughter and that she was paying my tuition because she was such a stellar mom.  She wasn't paying anything.  She may be a stellar mother but she is not mine.  

 When a nosey social worker asked why her daughter and her son were married illegally, the truth came out.  I was her daughter-in-law.  She couldn't take credit for putting her daughter through college any more and things became rather violent. She, her daughter, her husband, her brother, her sister-in-law, and nieces all demanded that I quit. 

I stayed in college.  We stayed married.  When his mother saw us sitting in a church together, she sat behind me whining and complaining that we had not yet divorced.  This was in 2000.  The next year, I was stalked on campus.  I ended up going to a distance learning program to avoid Shannon.  

When my ex went to a family funeral without me in April of '06, he came home and called me his ex.  It's been bizarre since that day.  I've been in pain this entire time.  Every time I would start the divorce process, my ex refused and found some excuse to keep me here.  He would say we were destined to be together no matter what and I would take whatever he dished out.  

Things became abusive.  He'd get angry at his mother and destroy things around the house.  He'd compare me to her.  He'd get abusive towards me.  

I became afraid.  

Shannon scared my professors.  They were all psychologists.  They swore that my ex put his sister up to stalking me. One of these professors lives directly across the street from me.  She tried to use Ericksonian Hypnosis to convince me to file for a divorce.  He scared her.  

I'm the better hypnotist.   She had one class on the subject.  It is my life's passion.  

So....it didn't work.  Divorce was already on my mind but I needed to get all my ducks in a row first.  

It took a while.  

Today, I was gearing up for a battle.  I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.  Everything felt so very surreal.  I did quite a few dumb things.  I misplaced the paperwork numerous times.  I put vitamin c acid on my face followed by an oily moisturiser which led me to burn my face quite severely.  My socks didn't match.  I forgot to put styling gel in my hair; my naturally curly red hair poofed out and I literally looked like Bozo the Clown. 

I even broke the door handle at the lawyer's office! 

I should have hired someone who knew me first.  They know how hard the stalking has been on me.  They see my posts about it.  They know how oppressive it is.  They know what to say to challenge me when I start feeling pity for my ex. 

So...that was a lesson.  Hire people you know to do the job.  

Imagine my shock and awe when my ex willingly filled out the paperwork for me.  He wanted to be the petitioner of record.  He wants to file.  He claimed that the divorce was the only way to stop the stalking.  When I'm gone, he can talk to his mother again and they'll leave me alone.  

He said that the purpose of the stalking was to run me out of the marriage.  With me gone, he knows that the stalking will stop. 

How can he be so sure?  

The cops were right.  My professors were right.  The other lawyers were right.  The private detectives were right.  

He's involved.  

I don't understand why he played all of these games.  

I don't.  

Maybe he wanted to make sure my love interest was gone before cooperating with me.  When Steve left, my ex started cooperating.  Steve is a smart cookie.  I wonder if he figured it out.  

Wow....

If I had thought that it would be so simple as to direct my ex to a website and have him print off the forms, we'd have had this over with years ago before they raised the filing fees.  

Wow....

Just wow....

Praise the Goddess.  

After years of trauma, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.  

All I really want to do is spend a night crying tears of relief.  

I can finally let the fear and pain go.  

I am incredibly lucky, too.  I have never met a stalking victim who understood exactly why someone targeted them.  

My ex was trying to run me off to appease his mother.  

Wow...

There are other things going on, too.  They are unrelated to this issue.  Maybe I'll blog about it tomorrow.  

I've been anti-social for far too long because I've let this pain get to me.  

I can finally let it go.  

I miss my friends.  I miss having parties.  I miss socializing.  I miss my family.  I miss being out in public without looking over my shoulder.   I miss working.  I miss so many things.  

I miss having a dog.  My ex and his family abused dogs.  Maybe I can finally have one now.  

I guess today is my lucky day.  

I'm still shaking.  Maybe it'll stop soon.  

I hope this isn't a ruse.  I hope it can really be this easy.  

Love ya, 

S.