No More Nights

Today I am thankful that there will be NO more nights.

I think I got to the bottom of all the game playing today.  

It started with a phone call.  

Yesterday, I spent the day with a group of political activists.  During that time, my auntie had called and spent about an hour on the phone with Mike.  She wanted his help with yard work.  

She called me today and informed me that my first love, Tom, was stalking me.  

Oh, really?  

No...he was sitting with me when Shannon and Doug were watching us eat lunch.  Worse, he had a broken leg.  He wasn't going to do much walking that day, let alone stalking me.  

So, I told her about all the recent stalking, the broken locks, and all the Facebook hacks from Westminster that take place within a few days of Mike contacting his sister.  She's been with me when we've been followed.  In fact, my aunt was always the first one to notice when a vehicle was following us.  It must happen to me so much, I never really noticed it unless one of my in-laws approached me.

She knows it is not Tom.  

Her conclusion was that my mother-in-law was recruiting people to stalk me in order to run me off.  

My aunt knew Tom.  She should know better.  

Mike spent the past two days away from the house.  He fixed a part to my car and he came into the house and gave me the kind of hug Tom gives me.  

I can't describe it.  Those are sad hugs.  They squeeze a little too tight like they will never see you again. 

It's a sad type of hug.  The kind you get once every two or three years.  

I always say the same thing when I get those kind of hugs.  

I always ask "Are you going to be okay?" 

They always say "yes." 

I told him that I want to believe things that don't mesh well with reality.  

Mike went on to describe other contacts that he had with his family.  Contacts that I never knew about.  These contacts tended to proceed stalking incidents.  

I don't believe he has ever been no-contact with them.  I told him that I don't mind him contacting his family but it would be easier if he would establish boundaries. 

He admitted that the crazy crap his mother said to me where lies he told her about me in order to justify things he wanted to do.  He told her that I wouldn't let him go to school despite earning his BA.  He told her that I had aborted our middle child.  He told her things about me that were untrue just to keep her guessing.

His mother threatened me over those lies.   They were spread to my friends and acquaintances 

In fact, I think the little lie about me not allowing him to go to school was the reason they would harass me and tell me to drop out of college.  When I didn't drop out, they began to stalk me on campus and harass my professors.

I wonder why they are stalking me in the workplace?  Did he say something?  Wow...

I want answers.  

We spoke about this for a little while.  

I can't handle not having an intimate relationship.  I can't handle not having an emotional relationship.  I can't stand being stalked.  

I'm in pain.  

It came out that he pushed me away when his mother started lying about me back in 1999.  Yes, he did.  He left me over it.  Then we started to sleep apart.  We would reconcile but I'd end up alone within a couple of days.

I had a therapist tell me back in 2005 that these were games he was playing to force me to leave him.  His mother hated me and disowned him until we were divorced.  If he could push me into filing for a divorce, then he could be the good guy and still have a relationship with his family.  

I think that is what is going on.  

I told him that during the mayoral campaign, I actually thought about staying because it looked like he was finally going to let me have a life of my own.  It was when he told me that he shoved all of our money into his 401K and stopped paying the bills so I couldn't afford to gas, daycare, or all those other things I need to work, I made up my mind to go.  

Why do people act like that?  

Now, he's telling me he never shoved our money into his 401K.  I think he did.  He wants me to take one of the accounts and refuses to share information on the other.  I don't care.  Whatever.... 

He then gave me a check for $2,500 to pay the divorce lawyer.  

I'm speechless.  

He went on to tell me the plans he was making for his new life in a small town on the other side of the metro area.  He was talking about how he planned to have visitation on Mother's Day and wanted to get the children photographed because I hadn't had money for that in two years.  

Maybe this is all over.  

Maybe?  

Now, watch...tomorrow he'll want me to stay.  

I am confused.  

Mike can be a nice enough guy IF he can find someone his mother likes and not be tempted to spread lies about her.  

And, I wish Mike never invoked my high school sweetheart.   Old flames belong in a woman's distant past.  Don't stalk the ex.  Don't threaten to call him.  Don't blame him for your crap.  Don't dig up those old love letters she thought she threw away and display them in front of her or put old trinkets around the house to freak her out when she's entertaining guests.  

If it weren't for all those mementos, 

if it weren't for Tom actually coming back to visit, 

I may not have realized something about myself.  

I realized that Tom was the only guy I seriously dated that never got physically violent with me.  

That probably explains why I still trust him.  

I guess I should be thankful that he came back to visit a few times in the past five years.  I really love the man.  I just know that I'm not what he wants.  He wants youth and perfection.  I do love him and want what is best for him.  

Sitting with him during those hours, I was reminded what that kind of loving friendship feels like.  

That was nice because I was able to recognize that beautiful feeling when I found that I had it around someone else.  

For that, I owe Tom a world of thanks.  

May his kindness be returned a thousand fold.  I pray he is not alone.  He deserves the best that life has to offer. 

Love, 

S.