Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful that there are online questions that I can never answer due to my political activities.   Today I was asked to name my favorite bedtime snack.   That would be warm milk. I tell everyone that I'm vegan because I don't get to eat animal by-products any more. Sigh... I hate politics. Anything I say can and will be used against me. Politicians are the most dirty minded souls on the planet.  Everything is dirty to them.  They run around pretending to be pious only to spend taxpayer dough on sex clubs. I've learned that it is simply best to be quiet. Love ya, S.

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004.  We ran into her at a Wal-mart in 2005 and my keys went mi

Today I am thankful for my ex's ego.  For seven years, I've been his ex.   In fact, we initially claimed separation thirteen years ago.  His mother gave him an ultimatum; she would disown him unless he divorced me.  She was angry that I didn't quit college.  Day after day, she and her minions would call and tell me that her daughter was the only person with our last name who was allowed to go to college and be successful.  I was told that I was not allowed to "outperform Shannon."  That was quite a tall order being that Shannon didn't work, go to school, and lived in her mother's basement. Mike would leave the room and they would corner me and get violent with me over the issue.  I never understood why he didn't intervene.  He had to know what they were doing.  I told him but he ignored me.   I didn't give a crud what they thought.  I wanted to finish college anyway.   My mother-in-law told everyone that I was her natural daughter

I am thankful that today is my Independence Day.  If everything goes well, it will be.   I'm not going to burn his house down, just the legal bridge. ***** I should probably state that I personally have trouble with this song.  It triggers a lot for me.  My step-father murdered my mother when he drunk and jealous.  She died on her 36th birthday. Jealous men always know how to ruin special occasions.  I will never tolerate another jealous man in my life.  I only want one man.  I'm too stupid to keep track of more than one at a time.  If my heart loves one man, there is no room for another. If my heart loves a jealous man, it is going to have to learn to stop.   It's still beating for him. It'll stop soon.  It has too. I always thought that he was a gift to me from Isis and Osiris.  A witch friend asked me what I wanted in a man.  I wrote it down.  She cast a spell. asking that I find someone I could love like Isis loves Osiris.  Steve

The answer to that questions for me....is...obviously.....never.   Today I am thankful for twelve step programs.   They don't have one for my addiction.  I guess it's a waning moon, I can just get some pepper, a bible and a black candle. If there were a twelve step program, I would be he first to say the following: My name is Siegfred and I am a narc addict. I answered a forum post today to try to help someone feel better for putting up with a couple of manipulations.  She was young.  I'm old and should have known better.  I also have a psych degree. Fortunately, for this woman, she's smarter than I am. I've been trying to divorce a guy with NPD for over six years.  Every time I fill out the paperwork, I get hit with a power play.   All of our money goes missing.   He quits his job.   He gets involved in a federal lawsuit and I have to stay until that's over.  He files for bankruptcy and drags his feet on the paperwork forcing me to

Today I am thankful for the sense of relief that I got when I realized how lucky Steve is that he ran out of my life.  Big changes are coming.   I can't talk about it.   The games are afoot.  Money is disappearing again.  I may have to get creative to find the funds to take care of things.   I'm in more danger than I have ever been in before.  If I get killed, I don't know if they are going to arrest the right person.  I'm still confused as to who the stalker is.   His family members are still calling over here, even though he claims to have asked them to stop.   I wanted to get to the bottom of the stalking and today the answers I received made no sense.   I did research on domestic violence and stalking.  I stumbled on a website.  There is a theory that was developed out of research undertaken shortly after O.J. Simpson killed Nicole Brown.  The researcher found that among his participants, there were two types of batterers.  One was an anti

Today I think I am thankful for funny pain: I think I found a reason to laugh a little.   Well...I may have figured out what made my friend Steve freak out. I spent three days away from home at a political convention.  I'd say that 2/3 of the participants were male. I work as a hypnotist.  I would say that 2/3 of the people in my profession are male. In fact, my hobbies include many male dominated things.  I play bass.  I create websites.  I do psych research.  I am an author but have only managed to publish self-help articles. I am an artist.  Art has about a 50/50 split gender wise. I have a lot of male colleagues and most of them are NOT interested in a relationship.  They are interested in leads.  They are interested in inspiration.  They are interested in activism and getting volunteers.  They are interested in business, educational, or political collaboration.  They are NOT interested in getting it on with me. I was so busy last week that I rarely checked in

Maybe someday, I'll be lucky enough for the right kind of warm gun...sigh... Today I am thankful for friends.  They are not close friends but I would do anything for them.  I haven't had anything to give them since my ex hid the money. I feel bad about that.  We need money to do what we do.   My friends get together to play in the political sandbox and throw dirt in filthy bureaucrats' eyes.   I do tell them about the stalking when they ask why I don't go to their events.   Usually one of a variety of things happen, my stalker got to me, I dressed up nice and my ex said something that threatened me, my car isn't running, or I can't find the money for gas.   It'll be over soon. One of  these friends is a firearms instructor.  At the last moment, he decided to put together a class as a fundraiser.  He conducted it for free but it would cost $60 to be a part of the fundraiser.   The organization of benefit allowed me to volun

Today I am thankful for those lessons that I learn to understand. I don't want to go into too much detail.   One would think that after all I've been through, that I'd have thicker skin.  I don't understand why I am letting this latest fiasco with Steve get to me.   I laugh about it.   He's acting out because I'm not sucking his dick and kissing his ass.   I had a high powered guy in political circles tells him to "wank off " to conspiracy theorists and the only thing going through my mind was... yeah... he has to do that because I'm a prude.   Yet, I didn't say anything.  The political guy never showed up to subsequent events.  The other woman in question is barely speaking to me over Steve's behavior.   I don't even know what he did because he blocked me.   I am ignoring my worried hot guy friend.  The last thing I need is some good looking lonely guy trying to comfort me.   After laughin

Today I am thankful that I found some teeny tiny regrets. I think I know what happened.  I've been busy.  I've been working 14 hour days since last Wednesday. I volunteered for three long days.  In return, they gave me a free Concealed Carry Gun course. I'm just waiting for the background check now. Woo Hoo! With Shannon and Doug stalking me, I couldn't pass it up. I also had numerous motivational courses on marketing and fundraising.  I even learned that we have cities and towns with their own currency.  I even learned about the history preceding BitCoin.  Steve picked the wrong day to stop talking to me.  I was given the CD on Sunday about twelve hours after he blew a gasket. I'll give it to someone else....sigh. I love my friends. I wasn't at Steve's beck and call because I was busy.  He has been weird lately.  I'm not sure I want him around.  I'm already trying to ditch one personality disordered guy. I need to get my he

Today, I am thankful for being stupid in the realm of love.  Today... I had to run around as a hostess for a political party.  It wasn't supposed to be my job but I'm the only non-drinker volunteering.  I wasn't hungover.   My skin looked like crap.   I tried to smile throughout out the event with salt burns all over my face and a raging migraine.   Crying gives me migraines.  Tears burn my skin.   I looked so horrible that even the reporter took pity on me.   Everyone knew what happened.   Everyone knew I was upset.   No one dared piss me off.   I have a reputation.  Apparently, my former friend (for lack of a better term) contacted other people and bitched at them after he un-friended me.  No one will tell me what he wrote.  I'm not sure what the heck he was going on about.  They assured me that they deleted his comments.   I don't know what it was about.  I couldn't read any of it.  He contacted mutual frie