Today I am thankful for love.
Love changes everything.
The most we've done is admit that we love each other. We don't go out anymore despite his offers to take me places. I'm terrified of the stalker. He's got a kiddo. I don't want anyone hurt.
I need a safety plan.
My friend helped me batten down the hatches online, so the stalker can't take over any more of my accounts.
The career counselor thinks I should go into Human Resources given my background, do charity work as a grant writer and utilize my publicity skills in my work with political parties.
I miss my friend but understand that I can't be with anyone until I have the ability to support myself without help and am virtually stalker free.
So...I don't know what to do.
Michael says that his sister is jealous of my celebrity, so when I do things in the public eye she begins to stalk me. On some level, that makes me want to publish something else, give more seminars and take on the lawmakers in the press again.
The cops and my PI neighbor say Michael is the stalker and that he is jealous of the attention I get from other men.
This woman has been stalking me for over twenty-one years. It didn't get scary until Michael stopped talking to her. I think it is a narcissistic injury that is driving her behavior.
She could have been doing that at Michael's request. She'd follow me around when I was tutoring men. This occurred before I dated Michael.
I went out last week to a political function and met a very attractive man. He's been hitting on me all week. I am at a loss for what to say for him except that I am unavailable. When other men hit on me, it makes me miss my friend Steve to no end.
I tend to get hit on during political events, when Steve is there.....other men leave me alone. I don't know why. I do go to these things with other male friends who tend to be flanked by my side but they don't stop the other guys hitting on me. When Steve is there I do not get hit on.
I wonder why? Maybe it is because of the way we look at each other.
Steve had come into my world and changed everything up. He's empowered me quite a bit. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. I can laugh at illogic. It's cute.
I think he's trying to tell me that it's okay to ask for help more often. I don't want him trying to save me. He's one of those kind of romantic guys; I'm not sure that he understands that women are usually more crafty than their male counterparts. I'll get out of this...soon.
I believe the bankruptcy discharges on Friday and I can finally start my divorce proceedings.
This love has changed me. Life seems more beautiful and miraculous now.
As for Steve, I think he's seeing how wonderful of a human being he is all on his own.
He's the embodiment of everything that I find beautiful in members of the opposite sex on so many levels. It hurts me deeply when he puts himself down.
Love is weird in that it is shocking when you recognize it. It is a feeling . I find that the reasons for that feeling are so hard, if not impossible, to pinpoint.
Although I can tell you qualities that I adore in my friend, I don't know why I love him.
I just do.
There is another human being who can look straight through me and not give a damn about my faults. He sees things in me that I forgot existed. He sees my strength and my persistence.
I see his kindness, his patience, his intelligence and that gentle eroticism that he's trying to hide.
This is weird.
It's almost like I met him too soon to be with him.
Scratch that....
Maybe I met him when I needed to meet him.
I'm spending the day updating my resume and looking for a job.
The sooner I change my life, the sooner I can find out where I belong.
Love ya,
S.