Skip to main content

Changes


Today I am somewhat thankful for changes. 


Mike is looking for an apartment five cities away.   I still think that if his sister is stalking me, I should move out but he wants me to stay here to take care of things. 

I learned today that Shannon tried to use a bump key and hammer to break into our home as I prepared to visit a local artist on my birthday. 

I'm scared to death. 

I'm not sure I'm safe in this house. 

I went to a career counselor today.  We spoke about the stalking and really the only way that I can stay safe is to switch careers.  If I continue to be a therapist, the state will post my contact information online for the world to see, so I have to give up the job I love. 

I'm a little sad about it. 

I'm trying not to cry.

I also realized that Shannon and Mike were both alumni of the school I graduated from.  They will be able to get my contact information if I update it with the university.  So, I may have to give up the alumni association, too. 

I'm in pain but it has to be done. 

I had another man interested in seeing me.  I figured out how to chase him away.  He was very attractive Scorpio, so all the normal

"I'm married

and interested in having an affair with another man

which puts me at my limit for men I can see naked at one time"

 stuff didn't work on him. 

Usually, they ask if the marriage is happy or if I've actually been with the other guy.  If the answer is no...or if they realize that I'm not f'ing anyone...then they volunteer. 

I've been through this a few times. 

This time, I told him I was prude and hate blow jobs.  That did the trick.   

Usually, Scorpios figure out when I'm lying. 

Maybe I wasn't worth the trouble.  

Wow... that was easy. 

What the heck is wrong with me? 

I'm in love with a friend.  No one else stands a snowball's chance in hell with me. 

I can't be with my friend. 

He's alone. 
I hate to see him alone. 

So...

I finished my spell to Isis today.  Maybe my friend will find someone hotter to snuggle and I won't feel so guilty about not being with him. 

I wanted my divorce to be final before he found out I loved him. 

I guess I'm too transparent. 

He knew. 

How in the heck did he know?

I about cringed when I realized he had feelings for me. 

He told the entire world!! 

He's so romantic.  No one was shocked, except I.  Everyone else saw it.  Everyone saw that I loved him.  Everyone saw that he loved me. 

I'm so damn clueless. 

I think his patience with me has worn thin. 
It's hard to love someone who is unavailable. 

If it were meant to be, it would happen. 

Love always wins, right? 

Maybe I'm not the one that will make his smile the widest. 

For what it's worth, I'm working on changing things. 

I am partially writing today to document what I learned about Shannon visiting my home on my birthday somewhere.  Oh, and I had to change my Facebook settings.  Someone was logged in my Facebook account from the city where Shannon lives at the same time I was logged in.  I use Chrome.  This person uses Internet Explorer 7.  My stalker uses IE!!  How smart can he/she be? 

Damn....I'm terrified. 

I'm still terrified and unsure how this is going to end. 

I should probably move out of state and change my name. 

May everyone find exactly what they need (including Shannon or whoever put her up to stalking me).

Love ya,

S.

Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....
Read more

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe.   It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house.  I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling.  I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here.  It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve.  ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb.  The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear.  Fear that he won't honor hi...
Read more

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much.  People change over the course of their lives.  Healthy people grow.  Unhealthy people either stay static or regress.  So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies.  If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors.   I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories.  From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory.  A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory.  When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP.  My ex is a ESTP a...
Read more