I don't know whether or not I'm thankful for alimony.
It can be a useful bargaining chip but my ex offered me everything just to get away from the marriage. His mother wants him to move back home. I'm realizing that the violence, the refusal to allow me to work, and the stalking were ways to scare me away from him.
When I told him about seeing a lawyer, he offered me everything. I told him that it wouldn't fly very far because it wasn't fair to him. Then, an old time lawyer schooled me.
If I waive alimony, it's more than fair. ļ»æ
Yes...the legislature in my state has updated their alimony and child support guidelines. The very senators and congresspeople that I call spineless and wimpy, may have saved my kids from losing their home.
Yep.
I've spoken to five lawyers. They all say the same thing.
My ex will have to pay me $1,600 a month the moment I file for divorce. This is IF I find a full-time job paying $400 a week with full benefits.
If I don't, he'll pay MORE!!!
If I were to leave him today, he would pay much more.
He'll have to do so for eight years!!!
That's a little less than half his salary. He's going to lose his tax breaks. I don't see how he will survive.
I can't do that to him!!
I didn't file the paperwork. I couldn't. That would be EVIL!!!
Really!!
Who acts like that?
I was told that my alimony would amount to $9,000 per year. Over the course of 8 years, that is a grand sum of $72,000.
Last month, he wrote me a statement stating that he would leave me the house, the equity, and the 401K. I never thought a judge would go for that. It seemed to be too generously slanted to me. I told him to come back and be a little more fair towards himself.
I guess I was wrong.
If I take his offer to take the equity in the house and both of the 401K accounts, it'll only amount to $36,000 if I use the figures he gave to the bankruptcy court. He'll still owe me a $36,000 unless I sign a waiver or get married to someone else.
So, if I take everything it will be $36,000. If he takes my deal, I will only get $20,000 equity in the house. He'll save $52,000. I'm not sure a judge would go for that.
Now, if I fixed the house up and invested $20,000 into it..the house could be worth $200,000. That wouldn't really make much difference. It would only add another $10,000 to it. He'd only be $42,000 short.
It's a shame he raided the 401Ks.
I can't find a way to slice this that is fair and that a judge would accept.
I'm trying.
I need a good job.
So, maybe his offer is the best one for all concerned. I'll take the house, my half of the 401Ks, sign a wavier and see if a judge will let him off the hook.
If I do that, his child support payment only drops into the neighborhood of $900-$1,000 a month. If I don't use daycare, it drops to $800.
Holy crap!
I give up!
After all these years, it looks like there is an end in sight!!
Maybe I should run with it and never look back.
Still....I quite honestly do not want the house. I can't see myself affording it. I can't see myself fixing it up.
I want the kids to stay here. He can't stay here with them due to his work schedule. So, I guess it's up to me.
Maybe if I go into sales? How do I earn that kind of money?
I'm off to find a job to try to spare him the anguish.
I'm still a little afraid his sister will stalk me again if I get another job. His family needs to stop harassing me. They would probably leave me alone.
Wow..it will be nice to walk in public again and not have his uncle run up to me to glare into my face and walk off. It will be nice to have a job and going to school without worrying about being harassed.
It is a little sad, though. When we married, the agreement was that I'd get to finish my doctorate and that he would be a stay at home dad. Everyone was on board with it until three months into the marriage.
If he and his family would have let me finish my doctorate and work as a therapist without stalking the heck out of me, I'd be paying him 40% of my salary in palimony. Most of my friends holding doctorates make six figures.
I'd owe him the mint.
The lesson here, gentlemen, is don't try to control your wives to the point she can't hold a job or go to school.
Wow...just wow.
I may go back into the therapy business but I want a job with benefits. Without benefits, my ex has to foot that bill, too. I have no clue how much that would cost.
So....
I spent today looking for a job.
My first application went to the local prison. They want to hire someone to help the inmates stop smoking. It doesn't pay a lot but it has benefits and pays enough to lower the alimony.
Wow...
I'm in pain over this. My ex has worked fifteen years and what does he have to show for it?
Nothing!!
I don't get it. I really don't.
Worse, if he had let me divorce him thirteen years ago when this crap started, he wouldn't have had to pay alimony at all!
Thirteen years is a long time to be sleeping alone. Six years is a long time to be nookie free.
If I had left him last year, the new alimony law wouldn't have kicked in. The conversation would have been different. He may have gotten off scot free, especially if I could have restarted my business.
Why do men marry?
Ugh!!!
Maybe the better question is why do men marry and not try to keep up the relationship?
Divorce is expensive!!
Wow....I'm in utter shock.
I'll let you know how it goes. I can't see keeping the house. I really can't.
And, how does one justify not sharing the equity?
This is why I pray.
Love ya,
S.