Today I am thankful that I remembered the law of reversed effect.
So...
I've been having nightmares about a man from my past.
It's so bad, that I wake up the entire house screaming his name.
The other day, I resolved to buy a new bass guitar so I could pretend to be Getty Lee should I get caught doing that again.
I'll just say, "I'm practicing."
*****
The nightmares went away for two days after he told me he was alive.
Well, the first night, I didn't really sleep.
The second night was awesome.
The third night.....not so much.
In the dreams, he's intoxicated, lonely, and/or suicidal. Sometimes he's breaking limbs. Once in a while, he's dying. It's horrible.
Last night, in a bid to get a good night's sleep, I took two Benadryl.
Well - that was a disaster.
*****
I dreamt of him. He didn't die. He didn't get hurt. It wasn't so bad.
I would think he would consider it a dream hell - the man worked with me.
He taught the children of my patients how to play video games in the residential facility.
Not so bad.
I can cope with that.
No one died.
No limbs were broken.
No one threatened to kill himself.
There were no tears.
Outside of it being creepy to dream of your ex, it's not so bad.
But -
After that dream, I awoke, with my abdomen on fire on the right side. It radiated into my back.
I ran to the bathroom and basically couldn't hold anything down -
no water,
no pain pills,
nothing...
My mouth was blue.
My face was yellow.
I had to go to an urgent care (right next to the guitar shop, no less) to get patched up and told that there is evidence that Benadryl can harm a person's liver.
I have to go in for an ultrasound of my liver. Darn it!
I'm not taking that stuff again!
*****
On the drive home, I thought about what I did for clients with this very problem.
I've done self-hypnosis for the issue thousands of times. It helps for a bit, then someone will bring him up or I'll see him and all my work is undone.
It hit me - the reason that the dreams are so bad is that I'm trying so hard to avoid them.
If I weren't trying to avoid them, they probably wouldn't happen.
The law of reversed effect states that the harder we try for an outcome, the less likely we are to see it.
It's a lot like reverse psychology.
So, let's try this.....
Bring it on, subconscious mind.
What's the worst that can happen?
Love ya,
S.
Edit two days later- I realized that the dreams are of someone getting injured, dying, and then working in hell.
If I were my therapist, I'd be wealthy.
There is some underlying pathology there -or- I just need a new job.
Seriously though, I had the thought that I'm possibly having these dreams because I just started putting coffee-infused oil in my hair. I typically don't drink coffee, but the smell reminds me of this man because we drank so much coffee back in the day that I'm sure it stunted my growth.
Yeah, we were a couple of 16-year-old rebels - coffee was a no, no. I was Mormon, drinking coffee was as bad as it gets.
Man, I was lucky. Even our rebellions were on the cute side. I could have dated someone else and wound up addicted to cocaine.....
Coffee isn't so bad.
Don't laugh....coffee infused oil has caused my hair to grow 4" in a month. I only started drinking it recently again because I was told it was better than diet soda.
Maybe it's the smell of coffee?
Let's see what happens when I stop going to sleep reeking of cheap gas station joe.
EDIT ONE WEEK LATER: I haven't had a dream of this person in a week. I think it was the coffee thing. I need to find a new recipe for hair serum.
I make my own cosmetics. I'll share the recipe.
It's simple.
You need:
a crockpot
a mason jar
1/2 cup of your favorite ground coffee (no instant coffee)
bottle of sweet almond oil (or grapeseed oil in a pinch).
Instructions: Put 1/2 cup of the coffee grounds in the jar (you can add powdered vanilla - as in scraped up vanilla bean, or a little bit of cinnamon powder- cinnamon brings out the red - or powdered allspice - once had a man follow me around at a store saying I smelled like Christmas - lol)
Fill the jar up with one of the above oils. Stir well, put the lid on the jar rightly. Set the jar in the crockpot. Fill the crockpot with water and let it simmer on low for 24-48 hours.
Strain (use coffee filters) and viola, you have hair growth, anti-frizz serum. Rub it on your scalp and it will aid growth. I put it on the ends to eliminate the frizz.
If you're too lazy for that, just buy it. I'm looking for a new recipe.
Try it on a day you don't have to be anywhere. I have dry, curly hair so it sucks it all up and no one can tell I put it in my hair. I'm not sure about people with other hair types.
Hope this helps someone....somewhere.
Love ya,
S.
Edit: July 14, 2021
Well...it turns out that the dreams appeared to be premonitions.
Either that,
or my mentioning them caused people to act them out.
I worked with two men at the residential facility in my dream.
Both of these men were nurses.
They were about a decade older than the star of my nightmares and me.
They both died in the manner I dreamt of my old friend dying. They died around the place that I dreamt my old friend had perished.
It's like my subconscious mind feels it's okay to dream of an ex-dying rather than two co-workers. To be quite blunt; it's not cool to dwell on any one dying - ex or not!
My conscious mind says I'm a sicko.
For a long time, I dreamed of a burned body up in the mountains.
The star of my nightmares lives up there.
On November 19, 2020, authorities determined that my colleague Rich was found burned to death in a car up in the mountains. It took them three weeks to identify them. He just stopped showing up to work around November 4th. Everyone knew something was wrong.
In June of this year, another colleague's body was found up in the mountains on a hiking trail. I never asked for the cause of death as I don't want to destroy my memory of him.
So -
I'm not sure what to make of it.
When I had these dreams I set to praying about the star of the nightmares.
Going forward, I'll just say a global prayer for every single person I know.
Love ya,
S.
