So a Weird Video Popped Up on My Phone Today

Today I am thankful for a lesson. 

My life is almost perfectly synchronistic right now. 

Impossible things are happening.  I call this the Bohemian Me. 

If my residential patients need, say, a video game system to do fitness in their spare time - 

someone will give me a Wii Fit. 

(I need one more, though). 

If they want a spa day, I'll go to target and find a pack of 10 nail polishes for a buck. 

Even the state has changed impossible rules to allow me to get back where I was nine years ago when I ran for office. 

Last month, I was looking at having to complete a Ph.D. to get back to that point in my career.  Now, I just have to volunteer for 600 hours (like I don't do that now) and take a test. 

In this moment, I'm looking for a decent laptop I can take to my studio.  I also have a list of stuff for the rehab center. 

I'll have them within a day or so. 

I don't even know how much to go into all of the wonderful things in my life since the stalking stopped. When the fear went away, everything came back to me. 

Right now, despite COVID, things seem magickal. 

I even learned a friend of mine is closely related to a man murdered by the local police department.  It never even dawned on me that it looks like I'm fighting for her family.  I didn't realize they had the same last name.  I knew it but I never tied the two folks together. 

There is so much synchronicity, it is truly mind blowing. 

I love being Ms. Bohemian. 

Life is so easy. 

The dreams typically begin when I'm living like this. 

*****
This video made me stop and think. 

After this video popped up on my phone, I realized I need to stop avoiding my life.  I need to stop rejecting the gifts sent to me.  I need to stop hiding behind my busy-ness and fear of reliving the horrific bullshit of my past. 

*****

I have a little game I play with car radio. 

I'll click through the stations while asking myself "What should I do now?"  It's always five clicks, one click per syllable. 

For the past week, I'll get a certain Rush song, or a certain Bon Jovi song, or even a certain song about a guy in space....

What I want is a song telling me step by step how to be a millionaire so I can save as many homeless as I can.. 

When I ask what to do, the last thing I want is a song with someone's name in it. 

So, I decided to start listening to whatever CD I can find the cheapest during my thrift store runs trying to find stuff for the homeless (so long as it isn't Rush, Bon Jovi, The Who or Peter Schilling). 

Sometimes those songs trigger worse nostalgia. 

*I wonder if songs with my name bother him, too.  

There is one that seems to still get a lot of air play. 

The Bon Jovi song actually inspired the prayers.  I always thought the protagonist was Johnny (boy, am I glad I never sang that one during Karaoke night). 

*It's a shame I don't have a hot ski-buddy single friend named Gina. 

*****

Maybe I'm going about this wrong.  I guess, maybe, I need to pray the exact same prayer for each of us (without names because that'll ruin the surprise). 

I've been praying for him to find his true love if he hasn't already.  

Maybe I need to do the same for me? 

Who knows?  One of us may end up with a hot blonde. 

I may end up with another cat.  

A decade ago, I gave a guy in my dreams a purple amethyst because it is said that when a man carried a purple amethyst with him, he'll attract a blonde love interest.  

Years later, I found that he threw it in the car I was driving the day I gave it to him.  The car belonged to my ex husband.  I traded vehicles with the ex because he had the kids and his seats were broken.  He placed large bricks under the seats to hold them up. I war terrified the kids would get hurt if he slammed on the brakes. 

Want to know a funny thing?  My ex told me a woman hit on him, too!  

I didn't ask if she was blonde.

*****

It's time for me to get over my constant criticisms of my imperfections.  I need to stop feeling guilty for caring deeply about people. 

My former in-laws would criticize me for loving people too much. 

I didn't think that was possible. 

****
This line of thought comes from a client. 

I'm always asking them to name an asset, or a gratitude, or something beautiful about their lives. 

One individual has decided to turn it back on me.  She always does this when the waiting room has other people in it.   

It literally took a few minutes for me to answer "what is a good thing about you?" 

The answer: my smile.  

I smile when I'm going to work to see them.  I smile when I'm surrounded by these amazing human beings who teach me so much about the strength of the human spirit.  I smile when I drive home and rock out the CDs I find on the dollar rack.

This week it is Colbie Caillat. 

I smile when I pray for them (which I'm told is unhealthy but I'm living the Twelve Steps and giving it up to my higher power). 

I'm starting to wrinkle due to the smiling so I need to manifest some glycolic acid and a laser. 

Physician, heal thyself.

If that doesn't work, I'll get a lobotomy.

Just teasing.

May all your dreams come true effortlessly 

Please forgive the typos.  I'm always in a damn hurry.  

Love, 

S. 

P.S.  I'm still eying that purple Ibanez SR506.  It's nice but it's not something I can see myself bouncing around with. 

I've decided not to buy a used bass online.  There are just too many fakes.  Some of the pictures don't align with what the instrument should look like. 

When I get a day off and am not in severe pain, I'll visit the music shops I know and love. 

Maybe I'll drive to Pueblo or New Mexico.  I'd bet I'd find some interesting guitars there.  

*********

NEXT DAY EDIT:  So....maybe....all I needed to do was open myself up to the possibility of love with anyone. 

I actually slept eight hours without any dreams of a specific guy.  There was one dream where I'm polishing my car and I marvel that he's not within sight. 

Not too shabby....

The dreams cause me to feel unhealthily obsessed.  It would be nice to turn that obsession feeling around to something useful. 

My first love has always been music.  If only I could get obsessed with learning new instruments and songwriting again.  

I'll be finished with my post-graduate program soon.  Maybe then there will be time to crank up the amps.

Love ya!