Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful for the reminder to reach out and love the people you care about now. Three and a half years ago, a man I'd known for awhile had asked me out on a date. I refused because my ex was still living here. He was handsome.  We settled on coffee. We spoke about politics, hypnosis and food allergies. When the earthquake struck Japan in 2011, he contacted me in horror.  We watched the waves take out communities together online. We cried together. For the next couple of years, we'd meet every three or four months to do volunteer work and he'd always buy dinner. He fell in love with a mutual friend.  She reminds me of Reba McIntire.  She looks just like her and has the same delightful voice. We all lost touch when I hid due to the stalking. His son wrote to me today. This man had a stroke six weeks ago.  He's refusing therapy. He's my age! He doesn't understand that physical therapy can help. I'm doing a l...

For the past several days, I've been thankful for the young lady staying here. She's the same age as my daughter. Her name is similar to my middle daughter's name - they are just one letter apart.  They were born just a few days apart.  It's melodic to call their names out together. She's vegetarian.  I used to be before I found out I was allergic to soy, peanuts and wheat. She's Wiccan. She's into science fiction. She's an artist. She's the perfect addition to our home.  She spent the past few days with her mother and step-father and her father and step-mother.   She'd sleep here and then go off and hang out with them. I thought they'd try to talk her into going back to live with her dad. No, quite the opposite. She's started to call me 'Mom.' I didn't think it would make me cry. I call her 'cutie.' She is that and more.  One word..... it's just one word..... I don't even t...

Today I am thankful that I am recognizing attempts at control. I'm not sure exactly what to do about it. So..... On Monday, my ex-husband demanded that I hunt down the title of the mini-van I gave him after the divorce so he could sell it for scrap. It took awhile. I found it. He wanted me to meet him at a parking lot somewhere to drop it off.  I can't mail it to him.  He didn't want to pick it up from my house. He threw a conniption when I expressed discomfort about meeting him at a parking lot. I finally relented. I waited at the bus stop.  The bus arrived.  He wasn't on it.  I waited for about twenty minutes before I realized that....he may have gotten off at a stop closer to my home. I went home.  He wasn't there. I returned back to the original parking lot to find him waiting....angrily...because he'd been there ten minutes! He was livid.  His level of anger made me uncomfortable. I swore up and down NEVER to play th...

Today I am thankful for sunnier days. I have a list of veterans I visit every year. Whenever I go to visit the cemetary, the rain starts. It is fitting -but- I take photos of the gravesites for the relatives who live out of the country and state.... those people who cannot visit their dearly departed. The pictures look better without the raindrops. I'm at home now, wearing my firework dress and waiting for the rain to stop.  The jackass next door is keeping his little dogs outside in the pouring rain.  They're crying and whimpering.  The only shelter they have is a trampoline. It's absolutely horrible. Part of me wishes that they'd dig a hole under the fence and come over here. I've got four teenagers living at the house that would love to take care of them. I can go out and get myself some allergy medication. The dogs belong to the guy that freaks out when people park in front of my house.  He must've had c...

Today I am thankful for my built in warning system. I have PTSD. Sometimes I get panic attacks.  For me, they are incredibly brief.  They may last five seconds or so.  It's a little spinney type of sensation that gets my attention and then goes away. I do have asthma.  It feels similar but it is different in that the asthma causes me to cough when I can't breathe. Panic attacks do not cause coughing.  They make my heart race, they make me spin and I get breathless. I just think of grounding my feet into the ground and I'm better.  *************************** Today the young lady staying with us graduates high school. The plan was that the young lady have breakfast with her family and that they would drive her to the venue. I was to drive my daughter to the auditorium so she could watch her friend graduate. Those plans changed about 90 minutes prior to the graduation. The young lady's father decided, in his infinite wisdom, that h...

Today I am thankful that I am not afraid to work. I ran around this afternoon trying to get the title of my old mini-van to my ex. He needs to sell it to pay his rent.  I put it in a manila envelope and taped it to my front door this morning.  Then I texted him to let him know he could pick it up and then I went about my day. I saw a hypnosis client. I flirted with a hot job coach. I talked politics with another political activist.  We have similar goals and I want to get a small army together.  There is power in numbers.  The nice thing about armies is that there is always someone else willing to be the face of the army.  I prefer the grunt work.  Building websites is more fun than giving interviews. I've met some great reporters though, so it's not too bad.  I worked on my resume. When I came home, the envelope with the title was still here.  I lost my new phone somewhere in the shuffle.  ...

Harley is a study in Stockholm Syndrome.    No man is worth that crap. Today I am thankful that I realized that my stalkerish ex isn't done.    No, my ex isn't done yet. Not only does he have people feeling sorry for him because I threw him out (3 1/2 years after our divorce decree ordered him out).... he doesn't understand what a divorce is. Every few weeks, I get an email asking me to hunt down documents for him....once it was mail, then he claimed he didn't receive his mail, then it was for tax records he failed to forward to his new address, then he wanted his college transcripts.....now he wants the title to the van I gave him. He wants the documents then he wants me to deliver them to him.  He is always in crisis.... his new apartment has bedbugs, his roommate is a recovering addict, he was fired....again.  He implies that it is my fault because he cannot live here. I tried to give him the house in the div...

In memory of  Beth Gallegos. Today I am thankful for misogynistic rants; they help you see people for who they really are. I'm having trouble breathing due to my asthma and I know....I know.....I need to get to a doctor. This is going to be choppy. ******************************** I took in an 18 year old whose father likes to beat her up in the middle of the night. She stays here when he loses his cool.  I've warned her that, as a therapist, I'm a mandated reporter. She has a younger sister.  If I hear anything about him hitting her sister, I will be forced to call the department of human services. I know where they live. I don't know the man's first name or the name of the minor child.  His last name is the name of my favorite brand of brass instruments.  It's also sounds exactly like the name of my favorite Trek Villain. This guy.....this guy.....had the absolute audacity to call me up and claim that I'm a ma...

Today I am thankful for Fort Logan. Today I'm going to spend time with ghosts who share my mental illness.  For many years, it was known as "shell shock".  Some veterans came home and re-lived the war at the dinner table. My dad re-lived World War II and Korea.  As early as I can remember, he'd get drunk and I'd wind up knocking him over to take the gun he had pointed at one of us. That's probably how I'm going to die.  I'll probably knock over an aggressive idiot with a gun and get shot  This is why the gun-toting neighbor makes me nervous, especially when he passive aggressively starts baiting the biker neighbors in front of my house.  It's going to get ugly.  I'm having a tough time convincing them to live and let live.  I'm fairly sure the gun grabbing from my youth is where the PTSD comes from.  That and having to save my mother all the time.  My very first panic attack occurred the da...

Today I am thankful for truth. I learned that the City of Aurora did not do anything wrong THIS TIME when it came to the service dog getting out. I read that the disabled gentleman was outside and the pup blew through the fence and got out. IF they kill the dog....then..... I'll blame them for doing something wrong. It is illegal to hold a service dog even if it is a pit bull. This dog did not bite anyone. This dog did not attack anyone. There is no reason for it to be put to death. Yes, it was wrong to force someone to register a service dog. I know they are doing their jobs -but- the problem lies with the disinformation that people formerly on the City Council disseminated. I found the source. It's a woman who was bit by a pit bull.  She's very good with web design and marketing...... It's a shame that she's bad at statistics.  I'm very sad that one person could ruin the reputations of so many cities and be responsible for the deat...

Today I am thankful that I don't own a female dog in this crazy city.  That said, I've been called a female dog. I predict that there are four people who will need to find new jobs in the near future. It would seem as though they violated the fourth amendment and stole a dog with the intention to kill it.  They know who they are. If you believe the gossip, all a witch needs is a name, birthday and/or a picture. All a politician needs is a hypnotic speech.  What am I? What is the real threat? Hang on to your boots .... you're going down. It just may not be in the way you expect. I'm a politician again! These animal control supervisors allegedly lied and said a psychiatric service dog was at-large and threatened to kill her.  They seemingly broke into a citizens home to get the dog.  It's hard to know who did it.  The door was damaged as was the door jam.  A dog was let out. Why would they need to violate ...

Today I am thankful for the Scorpio full moon. I'm busy - cleaning up my home, looking for work and trying to figure out my next steps. It's also a very important ritual day for me, so I can't spend a lot of time online. I should say that the city released the service dog today.  I need to manifest a job so I can contribute to the lawyer's GoFundme page. I had no idea my local government was behaving like this towards animals.  I know they treat their employees and local activists like dogs. I didn't know they treated citizens and their pets like that.  Because the people at the City Manager's office were good (somewhat) and eventually forced the shelter manager to do the right thing... perhaps I'll lay off the PTSD service dog idea for now.  I hear pit bulls are good PTSD service dogs.  Although, I wish I had thought of that before I developed the dog allergy.  I was diagnosed with PTSD at 18.  I was treated and it went w...

Today I am thankful that I know better..... yet I still feel ex-guilt. It may be a bit of anger, too. My ex-husband isn't paying support or seeing the kids.  He's not working, so he can't. He was working.  He didn't pay then either. He was recently fired again.  I get it.  Life can be tough.  A few weeks ago, a judge gave him two hours to collect his stuff from the garage.  He emailed me the day before telling me that he wanted the television, so I gave it to him.  He told our youngest daughter I'd buy another television by Easter. With what money? I have to work two jobs and I still don't come close to what he made. Right now, I'm down to one.  It's a self-employment contract position.  I have expenses to pay before I break even. ****************************** It gets worse.,,, He wanted to take the kids to the movies last weekend but did not arrange it with me. He email...

Today I am thankful that I held my tongue and didn't share too much truth. I should start off by saying that my gun toting neighbor is being incredibly quiet.  His dogs go outside but he doesn't. That means, I don't hear screaming, yelling or any bizarre nonsense anymore.   I just hear the doggies bark at each other.  I should be happy. The problem, though, is that the Code Enforcement officers are circling the block like hungry sharks. I don't know if the gun toting neighbor is calling on everyone else -or- if everyone else is calling on the gun toting neighbor.  Sigh...... Life is happier a few doors down. *************************************** There was an adorable Chihuahua running around the street and gleefully rummaging through the trash that had been set out on the curb. He was the sweetest little doggie. I saw him when I was driving down the street. I stopped in the middle of the street and got out of the car.  Th...

Today I am thankful that I changed up my Friday ritual a bit. I grew up in several Mormon households.  In that religion, there is something to do every day. Sunday, we went to church. Monday - we stayed with our family. Tuesday - the men would go to church. Wednesday - the kids would go to church (or boy/girl scout meetings). Thursday - the women would go to church Friday - I don't remember Friday - all I remember is that Grandma always made fish.  She wasn't Catholic. Saturday - there was usually a community event. Paganism is similar in that there are different rituals for different days. This is my tradition. Monday - light a silver candle for a moon Goddess Tuesday - light a red candle for a God of war Wednesday - light a blue candle for a God of communication Thursday - light a green candle for a God or Goddess of abundance Friday - light a pink candle for a God or Goddess of Love  Saturday - light a purple candle for a Deity of protection...

Today I am thankful for the Aurora Colorado Shelter Employee telling her friends about a legal case and letting them bash their legal foe in social media with information only an insider could have!  Whoa!!! This is insane. Perhaps I need to jump back into politics.  If something upsets me this much, I may as well put a stop to it.  Let me explain how this went down.  I'm friends with numerous animal advocates from across Colorado. I'm beginning to see the results of this individual's information come across my Facebook feed.  I've seen it for several days now. Apparently, this person friended the dog owner who is suing the city, got a lot of personal information and then ran to Facebook with screenshots to smear the victim. How in the world is this going to help the city's case? Does the City Attorney approve? Probably not.....he seems like he has scruples. Some of the information this employee and her friend...