Warped Gratitude Blog

  Today I am thankful for Dream Water.  Damn it!!!  This morning I dreamt of a certain man being chased and devoured by a big, scary male lion.  I'm not sure if I were screaming or crying because there was no one in the house to tell me.  That's enough.   This is getting irritating.  I just bought 10 packets of Dream Water.  Prazosin helps with nightmares.  If the Dream Water doesn't work, I'll visit a my doctor.  This could be due to my bizarre sleep schedule, too.   I don't know. :: All I know is that for the past 33 years, I've been self-conscious about the dreams and afraid of screaming out a certain name at night.  If nothing helps, I'm going to just exclusively date guys with that name.  That way, at least someone can feel like a rock star because I scream that name out all the darn time.  Fortunately, for me, it's a very common name.   Love ya,  S.   Edit: October 1  - 1:...

Today I am thankful for reminders that the divorce was necessary.  I didn't write about this but my daughter went in to anaphylactic shock in mid-August.  She nearly died.  I tend to take showers at 3:00pm.  So, I'm in the shower and hear the eldest screaming "Mom."  Then I dear the dog barking.  Then I hear an ambulance.  I throw on my clothes without drying off and notice my daughter's face had swollen to twice it's size.  Her skin was pale with splotchy red marks.  Her hands were swollen.  The EMT gives her an IV and tells me to drive to the hospital.  Within minutes, I'm speeding to the Aurora Medical Center.  I text her dad and tell him she's in the hospital.  ** Crickets **  That's a good thing given his propensity for bitching at me, writing all sorts of gaslighting bullshit while he blames me for everything that is currently going wrong in his life.  The doctor's can't figure out what she's allergic to....

(My parents almost named me Pasty due to their wish I'd become a singer.  I owe a Denver cab driver a debt of thanks for giving them another name to consider.  Even though it's not my name, there are days when I feel like I've lived my life as a Patsy getting blamed for all my ex-husband's narcissist failed shit )   Today I am thankful for candles and guitars.  So, I've been having nightmares about a man from my past.  It's gone on about 33 years.   In the past, I've prayed for him.  It's obvious I love him (but not in love*) - so the prayer was  'please send all the love I have for [guy's name] to his lover, wife or girlfriend so that he gets the benefit of it.'   Sometimes the prayer works.  Sometimes it doesn't work.  I assume that those times the prayer doesn't work is when he's in between relationships because the love has no where to go.  The dreams have hit me with a vengeance since the Covid lockdowns started....

 I'm thankful people are waking up to the political Covid19 agenda.  Check this out:  https://www.stopworldcontrol.com/fraud/

Today I am thankful that I'm a Libertarian asshole who plays a heck of a lot of musical instruments.   Apparently, the cops in Idaho have arrested three people for SINGING WITHOUT A MASK!  https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/idaho/articles/2020-09-24/3-arrested-at-idaho-church-singing-event-to-flout-mask-order I'm not joking.  You know what that makes me want to do?  I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count.   It's a shame that I irritated my singing teacher.  She used to comment that I had a heck of a range but I was far too comfortable in the lower ranges due to all that bass playing.  She was a famous Christian singer.    There is no way I could sing like her.  I've been practicing.  I still suck.  **** I've toyed with the idea of starting a cover band.  My thought is that I would call it "Liberty"  I know a heck of a lot of bass players.  All the drummers and guitarists I know play w...

  (**This song has a line about counting the days since the end of a relationship.  How many days have passed since May 1, 1987?  That's a scary thought, isn't it?  I'm a therapist because I can't math...sorry....) Today I am thankful for prayer.  I have slept about eight hours a night for a week now.  There have been no freaky dreams; no deaths, no limbs lost, no nasty shit in public, no causing people to cheat on their wives,  it's been nice.  My wrinkles are softening again.  I'm trying to be nicer.  I finally realize it's September.  For some damn reason, I think it's July.  This is really working.  I think it's the prayer.  It could partially be the ritual, too.   I still come home and light a ten hour candle asking for an unspecified miracle for the person I used to have nightmares about.   Then I go upstairs and light another candle asking that I find whatever The Creator wants me to find....

Today I am wishing for freedom.  I'm thankful for internal fire.   Checking in.... Still pissed off.... I'm told there is a legal solution in the works regarding my previous post.  I'm still burning candles - haven't called on the internal demons yet.   My shadow-Siegfred isn't very nice.   If she shows up, it'll be interesting.  She likes to humiliate jack-ass politicians.  I haven't thought of anything interesting to pull yet.  Give it time.  Denver has pushed so many homeless into Aurora.  I literally saw a tent in the middle of a highway at 1:00 this morning.  Scary stuff.  I'd take a photo but I don't want to cause a crash.   ***** It's fall in Colorado -  the noteworthy thing is our state has the word color in the name.  I decided to collect leaves for the scrapbooks of my tiniest patients (the children of addicts).  I think my car may make it to Bailey in a couple of weeks.  ...

 Today I am thankful for magick.  Magick must always be the tool of LAST resort - but when the politicians are ignoring their constituents and putting them in danger (with lockdowns and Constitutional violations and no way to talk sense into them), it sadly becomes an option.  Some of us pray differently than others but we still haver fervent faith in our religion.    I was trying to use white magick to help solve the homeless problem in Denver  -but-  white magick takes time.  The solutions last longer than black magick.  Black magick works faster but the results are short lived.  Mayor Hancock has forced my hand.   Watch these - these videos are from DenverHomelessOutLoud.   The City and County of Denver is in violation of at least one settlement agreement with homeless activists.  They may even be in violation of State Law.  Worse, they're going to turn Colorado RED.  What a dumb thing to do so close...

Today I am thankful for a lesson.  My life is almost perfectly synchronistic right now.  Impossible things are happening.  I call this the Bohemian Me.  If my residential patients need, say, a video game system to do fitness in their spare time -  someone will give me a Wii Fit.  (I need one more, though).  If they want a spa day, I'll go to target and find a pack of 10 nail polishes for a buck.  Even the state has changed impossible rules to allow me to get back where I was nine years ago when I ran for office.  Last month, I was looking at having to complete a Ph.D. to get back to that point in my career.  Now, I just have to volunteer for 600 hours (like I don't do that now) and take a test.  In this moment, I'm looking for a decent laptop I can take to my studio.  I also have a list of stuff for the rehab center.  I'll have them within a day or so.  I don't even know how much to go into all of the wonderful things...

  Today I am thankful for my subconscious mind.  Apparently, it thinks itself to be a Djinn.  A couple of days ago, I had a dream of a Djinni.  Djinn are said to be the fallen angels of Islam.  There are five or so classifications of Djinn.  One was said to be created at the time of the Archangels.  Another was the family of Djinn who rebelled against God - they're the Shaitan.  As a child, I was taught that every human being was assigned a Shaitan at birth to temp them into hell.  There are believer Djinn - The Marid, I think.  There are other classifications, Ifrit, Jann - the list goes on and on.   I've heard conjurers talk about Egyptian djinn but I know very little about their mythology.  ***** I do not own a lamp.  Many years ago, I was sent an iron necklace from a soldier in the Middle East.  He said a native ran up to him with a necklace asking him to take it because it was evil.  (That cracks me up ...

  Found this CD today at a Thrift Shop looking for newish shoes for a homeless person.  When I hear it, I think of hanging out with a childhood friend with blue eyes.  It's weird, the older I get, the more I miss people who have the same values and grew up in the same place.  It's strange what we learn to value, isn't it?  Today I am thankful that I remembered the law of reversed effect.  So... I've been having nightmares about a man from my past.  It's so bad, that I wake up the entire house screaming his name.  The other day, I resolved to buy a new bass guitar so I could pretend to be Getty Lee should I get caught doing that again.  I'll just say, "I'm practicing."  ***** The nightmares went away for two days after he told me he was alive.  Well, the first night, I didn't really sleep.  The second night was awesome.  The third night.....not so much.  In the dreams, he's intoxicated, lonely, and/or suicidal.  S...

Today I am thankful that everyone forgot my birthday!  I mean e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e.  except Facebook (Facebook never forgets)!  The kids at work have the wrong day (funny, eh?)  Of course, my family forgot.  It's all good.  Uh, Oh.... a couple of texts just came in. I guess someone remembered.   The bee swatter guy I'm worried about reached out on two social networks to wish me a happy birthday.  I'll reach out to him but only because I'm worried. I hope he's okay.   *** The beauty of people forgetting is that I get to stay young a little bit longer.  Maybe not celebrating  is the reason people think I'm in my thirties?  Perhaps.... ***************************** I'm not sure if I want to go out and shop for bass guitars because it is also Labor Day and I don't want to make people work.  To be honest, I'm getting a crush on that Araya ESP.  So far, the videos where people review it, it sounds nice. What is the dif...