Trying To Understand How Good Men Turn Mean

Today I am thankful for people who talk about verbal abuse.

I found a few links that talk about the issue. I feel like I am dealing with it in stereo. I want to understand so I never find myself in this situation again.

This is the best link that I can find.

http://hubpages.com/hub/Abusive-Relationships-Problem-Solving

Here is a paragraph. There is so much insight here. I would implore you to read the link.

While many people on the forum may say, "You're being abused" or "You're being abusive," his is the one voice that describes the abuser's perceptions, and he does it very effectively. Recently, when a woman posted about relationship issues she was having, many people replied to her thread with the same response, "You should leave him."

And like most of us have done, she said, "But he's my best friend."

Here's what MrK told her:

Here's where the disconnect happens. He is your best friend 99% of the time. He knows that, you know that. He sees his outbursts as bad, but he doesn't know HOW bad. He doesn't know what it does to you. What he sees as an aberration to an otherwise perfect marriage leaves you living in fear that 99% of the time he's "good". So 100% of your marriage is "off" for you. For him it's 1% (or less even). For him it's a minor "bad" but it's driving you away. He has NO IDEA that is happening. And DO NOT tell me "but I've told him 100 times in counseling". Talking doesn't work. You need to DO!!

This video is pretty darn enlightening. It talks about the mental thought processes that underlie emotional abuse.

I have heard Steve say similar things.

He once said that if he got me to like sex, he was sure I'd leave him for someone else.

I have no interest in anyone else.

I am unsure how to handle this.

I've spent the past year in tears.

I really need to focus on going back in business and making money.

I want to be myself again.

I danced today.

I danced.

I admired the bassist's blue Peavey Fury.

I want one now!

*****

I am seriously considering staying with Michael for the time being.

His presence keeps men away.

There is really is no hurry to push him out of the house right now.

He doesn't want sex.

He just wants me to be a mother figure to him.

I like doing laundry.

It's safer than being hurt.

I will talk to another stalking expert in two weeks.

I know she'll tell me to move out of state.

I'll keep you updated.

Love,

S.

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe. It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house. I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling. I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here. It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve. ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb. The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear. Fear that he won't honor hi...

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much. People change over the course of their lives. Healthy people grow. Unhealthy people either stay static or regress. So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies. If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors. I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories. From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory. A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory. When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP. My ex is a ESTP a...

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