Skip to main content

Trying To Understand How Good Men Turn Mean

Today I am thankful for people who talk about verbal abuse.



I found a few links that talk about the issue.  I feel like I am dealing with it in stereo.  I want to understand so I never find myself in this situation again. 

This is the best link that I can find. 

http://hubpages.com/hub/Abusive-Relationships-Problem-Solving

Here is a paragraph.  There is so much insight here.  I would implore you to read the link.


While many people on the forum may say, "You're being abused" or "You're being abusive," his is the one voice that describes the abuser's perceptions, and he does it very effectively. Recently, when a woman posted about relationship issues she was having, many people replied to her thread with the same response, "You should leave him."
And like most of us have done, she said, "But he's my best friend."
Here's what MrK told her:
Here's where the disconnect happens. He is your best friend 99% of the time. He knows that, you know that. He sees his outbursts as bad, but he doesn't know HOW bad. He doesn't know what it does to you. What he sees as an aberration to an otherwise perfect marriage leaves you living in fear that 99% of the time he's "good". So 100% of your marriage is "off" for you. For him it's 1% (or less even). For him it's a minor "bad" but it's driving you away. He has NO IDEA that is happening. And DO NOT tell me "but I've told him 100 times in counseling". Talking doesn't work. You need to DO!!


This video is pretty darn enlightening.  It talks about the mental thought processes that underlie emotional abuse. 



I have heard Steve say similar things. 

He once said that if he got me to like sex, he was sure I'd leave him for someone else.

I have no interest in anyone else. 


I am unsure how to handle this. 


I've spent the past year in tears.

I really need to focus on going back in business and making money.

I want to be myself again.

I danced today.

I danced. 

I admired the bassist's blue Peavey Fury. 

I want one now!

*****


I am seriously considering staying with Michael for the time being.

His presence keeps men away.

There is really is no hurry to push him out of the house right now.

He doesn't want sex.

He just wants me to be a mother figure to him.

I like doing laundry. 

It's safer than being hurt.

I will talk to another stalking expert in two weeks.

I know she'll tell me to move out of state.

I'll keep you updated. 

Love,

S.

Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....
Read more

Temporary Ending

Dear Readers: Over the past three weeks, I attended both a city councilperson's town hall and the mayoral town hall. Despite battling the flu, I dedicated two days to watching all available city council meetings and study sessions on YouTube in between bouts of cold chills. What I observed was a troubling pattern of disregard for honesty and disrespect towards citizens, the rule of law, and the influence of partisan politics. It has become evident that certain issues transcend the scope of a mere community art project. This realization prompted me to raise my voice, a departure from my usual composed demeanor. After discussing the situation with my family, we collectively decided to remain in Aurora. It is clear that true leadership entails making tough decisions rather than simply following personal desires. I look forward to the opportunity to address these concerns further in a different forum. Warm regards, S.  P.S. There will be a new website. 
Read more

Visiting the Graveyard in my Hometown and Addressing Fears I'll Soon Join the Party

 Today I am thankful for a laugh.  It didn't start out funny.  My aunt visits once a week to use the washer and dryer.   My new dryer broke just a few days out of warranty so we dried her clothes outside. While standing outside, she took me aside an said "I don't want to alarm you, but....." then she got silent.  I pointed at the shed.  "Are you worried about all the stuff pulled out of the shed?", I asked.  "Yes.", she replied.  "That happens all the time!"   She advised me to chain the door.  I've done that.  The thief just tears the roof off.  It's easier just to keep crap in it I don't care about so the thief can rummage and take what he or she wants.  Again, I was advised to consider moving, especially after finding a full gas can in the mess.  My aunt is afraid my ex-husband is going to kill me.  I've been court-ordered to live here for another two years.  Sigh.... I'm sure a judge would allo...
Read more