Emotionally Abusive Emails (with edits)

Today I am thankful that I can love at a distance: I cannot be with anyone who lies, blames, makes assumptions, and is disrespectful towards me.

I will NOT fall out of love.

I will simply love....at a distance. 

Edit 9.23.14 -  In the post below (which I have left intact), I promise to share Steve's emails.  Well, I found several more emails Steve had sent between 9.1.14 and 9.10.14.  They tell me to STFU and devalue me pretty harshly.  They accuse me of crazy things.  There is a lot of projection in them. I am not comfortable sharing them simply because reading them makes me cry.  The toxicity is deplorable.  In this situation, I do not know if I am wrong to beat myself up for trusting this man.  He broke my heart.  Maybe someday I'll write about the bizarre things he did when we were alone that I wrote off.  In retrospect, I realize that I should have known that he didn't love me. 
I may never be strong enough to share the remainder of the emails.   Perhaps, someday, if I publish a book on recovery from emotional abuse....maybe then I can share the emails. 

*********************************************************************************

*I'm going to share all of the latest correspondence between Steve and I. I cannot talk to him again.  I am hoping that this sheds light on what is going on in my life just in case crazy things happen.  These emails were sent to four different email accounts but one can always print them out and make a timeline.   Run a Gmail search on the name of a famous quarterback named Steve from BYU.  You'll find everything although this Steve is not a famous football player.  You'll see his picture pop up.

It's almost October.  The stalking from my former in-laws always picks up in October. and gets bad through mid-January.   I hate this time of year.   I can't stand people who disbelieve what I am going through.  I don't know.

I just don't feel safe here anymore.
*****

1. From Steve:

date: Mon, Sep 8, 2014 at 10:39 PM

subject: Games

Here's a fun game: trick someone into giving you a bunch of free stuff, teaching you how to dance, meeting a bunch of new people, taking you to the biggest party in town, then just randomly say "I'm tired of your games" and run away, post hurtful lies about them on the internet and then crack jokes about it. Make sure to paint yourself as a big victim and garner a bunch sympathy for how harmed you were by this giving person that you took for a ride.

You are unbelievably disingenuous. I had no idea anyone was capable of that level of hypocrisy!

I did not respond to this email. This is complete and utter bull crap. I paid for more than 50% of our dates using money I had borrowed for the business. I drove him around and never asked for gas money. I took him to parties and introduced him to the movers and shakers. I gave him more gifts than he gave me.  In fact, he usually broke up with me before major gift giving holidays and my birthday.  I'd still get him stuff.

Yes, I have been researching abuse tactics but he doesn't know why. I am trying to understand it so I can get away from it.  Steve is not the worst abuser in my life. There are others.

2. From Steve:

date: Mon, Sep 8, 2014 at 10:58 PM

subject: Thinking

Ya know... I just got to thinking about that psychiatrist saying, "nobody believes the stalking"... and it just dawned on me... that's why you were with me... because I was the only idiot trying to believe in you when it was all the same stuff you do to me. There's no stalking, there's no abuse from him... you're just living off him, in his house for free and got whatever fuck buddy you want on the side. all the time playing the big victim. Holly shit was I blind!

I did not respond to this email either. This is also BS. If he looked at my divorce agreement he would understand why. I took out a loan to survive prior to my divorce. The stalking and dishonoring of the asset distribution was done to keep me dependent on my ex-husband.  Steve made me realize one thing.  This is the email that made me realize that I am safest if I cave to my stalker(s). If it is unbelievable then I have no help. The only way to stay safe would be to keep Michael and his family happy. I cannot see Steve ever again. I cannot have male friends. I cannot run for office. I cannot have my own business or go to school. I get stalked when I do these things. If I want it to end, I have to be and do nothing. I am safer that way.

The most shocking part of this was that Shannon watched me drink coffee with Steve at a Starbucks the day before Thanksgiving. I'm surprised that he forgot about that. A quick Google search leading to a popular hypnotherapist website will confirm that a psychiatrist was with me during a stalking incident in 2009. He wrote on my wall that he was concerned. He wrote that around 1-11-11 after I wrote about being called Satan on the street.

On the bright side, this proves that Steve is a horrible internet stalker.

These type of texts and emails are why I chased Steve away. His vile emails hurt me more than they help me. There are emails. I am finding them on my Gmail account. I can't believe he thought I'd talk to him after sending me such filth.

3. From Steve:

Sent: Tue 9/09/14 12:58 AM

I have witnesses. The girls commented that I was showing my girl a better time than the other guys were. I got comments about how hard I was working to open you up, and get you to have a good time, granting all your requests. And I begged you to open up and talk to me about what your issues were. Then you went online and lied, and made it as if I was trying to shut you down.

I have witnesses.

I also have a witness to you angrily berating me for half an hour for something I didn't do. At all. Amy told me that I never put any pressure on you to go faster, which is exactly what I thought. You had an emotion, you decided to verbally punish me for it, insulting me and my family. Amy also remembers her and I both doing our best to show you a good time - and then you storming off angrily, scaring her birthday, for no reason.

What do you think you're accomplishing? I think there might be something severely, medically wrong with you.

I want an explanation.

My Reply To Steve:

Sent: Tue 9/09/14 7:39 AM

I am not going to read this. I don't care what the outside world sees. I care about what is going on between us.

You owe me an apology for lying about me on Facebook. That's why you were blocked. If my talking for 15 minutes was a problem, it needed addressed prior to Facebook.

I'm not sure I should speak to you again. You are over critical. There is no such thing as constructive criticism. The message is that I am not enough.

I did glance and read the part about [your daughter] having an opinion about us. Amy doesn't know about how you to told me that it is better if I am quiet about my anxieties. Those anxieties are keeping me from pursuing any relationship at this time. She doesn't know about the nonsensical arguing that I think is designed to run me out of your apartment. She doesn't know about the disrespectful emails that I have forgiven you for yet cannot forget. She doesn't know how my fear of criticism keeps me from being free around you.

You obviously do not know because you don't listen to me.

If I must be quiet, I cannot be intimate with you. It's best to end the relationship now.

Act like a grownup or get out of my life - for good.

4. From Steve:

Sent:Tue 9/09/14 7:58 AM

Stop lying about online, retract your lies you have posted now - like a grown up, and I will be out of your life. As long as I need to defend myself from your slander, I will.

I did not have time to reply to this message.

5. From Steve:
Sent: Tue 9/09/14 8:09 AM

I've given you every apology you ever asked for. I've apologized for things I never did. If you want another one, learn to communicate like a civil human being.

My reply to Steve:

Stop it, Steve.

Communication does not involve telling people that it is best that they stay quiet. You are trying to control my communication. I draw the line at that. That is actually something that sociopaths do.

You've never apologized. You've threatened. You've been too busy to talk to me. Our connection was waning because I couldn't figure out how to talk to you without you taking offense.

In the last email I bothered to read, you gave me an ultimatum, a very hurtful one. You said you couldn't be my friend if I didn't take down posts (that are actually helping friends of mine) and say nice things about you online. I will NEVER, EVER have sex with a man who cannot be my friend.

Then, I want to break up with you over those things your therapist allegedly said. You claimed that I had you hooked (hmmmm......women do that by threatening to take your money, your children, and tell you you cannot date other people). I'm not the one doing those things. You wrote on Facebook that your therapist said not to talk to people who make you feel like shit. You claim I make you feel like shit. The most humane thing I can do is stay away.

This is my reasoning.

My advice to you would be to get help for your issues with your mother and stop annoying your girlfriends with tests. You'll be so much happier that way.

I would say that you are the one not communicating like a human being. I am not giving ultimatums. I am trying to stay sane. I am not pushing. I am not telling people to be quiet. I never called you a sociopath. I never called you a "looser." I never misunderstood a Bettleheim fairy tale theory with an insult.

If you cannot treat me with respect, please follow your threat to find someone kinder than me. Please...if you're going to continue to be mean to me....stay away.

I've had enough.

At this point, I posted this Facebook Status. I did not expound upon it. I simply posted this quote:

“Usually adult males who are unable to make emotional connections with the women they choose to be intimate with are frozen in time, unable to allow themselves to love for fear that the loved one will abandon them. If the first woman they passionately loved, the mother, was not true to her bond of love, then how can they trust that their partner will be true to love. Often in their adult relationships these men act out again and again to test their partner's love. While the rejected adolescent boy imagines that he can no longer receive his mother's love because he is not worthy, as a grown man he may act out in ways that are unworthy and yet demand of the woman in his life that she offer him unconditional love.

This testing does not heal the wound of the past, it merely reenacts it, for ultimately the woman will become weary of being tested and end the relationship, thus reenacting the abandonment. This drama confirms for many men that they cannot put their trust in love. They decide that it is better to put their faith in being powerful, in being dominant.” ― Bell Hooks

Within minutes, I got this email:

8. From Steve:

Sent:Tue 9/09/14 8:27 AM

[Siegfred] you are making allegations about me and my mother that are not true. I told you I want to be friends - why not fixate on that? I have apologized. [My daughter] saw me apologize for something I didn't do.

Whatever you want, ask. That's love.

I'm asking you to stop posting things I find insulting and defamatory to my character - you are refusing my request? Is that love? Is that friendship?

My reply:

Sent: Tue 9/09/14 9:19 AM

Steve,

How do you know what I post is about [your mother] and not [my former mother-in-law]? How do you know it was about you and not Mike?

It's about you now.

Right now, I consider your conduct abusive.

Please do not contact me again.

I haven't checked all of my email accounts yet. I'll try to avoid the urge to give you closure.

No...you cannot sue me for anything. Try it. It won't work. I was involved in a suit against the city for slander. The courts set the bar pretty high. Stop making threats.

9. From Steve:
Sent:Tue 9/09/14 9:24 AM

[Siegfred]... Call me! I am honestly concerned about you. I am not trying to hurt you. You are doing things that make my life difficult. I just want you to stop. Stop shutting me down, stop blocking me, stop telling me to shut up. Call me. Be nice.

My reply:

Sent: Tue 9/09/14 9:40 AM

You are making up a lot of stuff. I can't deal with it.

The threats don't help. I won't spend my life with a man who makes threats.

I have NO clue what lies I've told. You've put most of the stupid obnoxious crap in writing. It would be incredibly easy to prove what I say. Screenshots....I can share everything.

Stop it!

You TOLD ME to shut up. Stop with the projections. That IS a big part of emotional abuse. I don't like the label abuse. I prefer to call them intimacy killers. You're engaging in them. I get the sense you are testing me for some stupid reason.

I told you to leave me alone because I am tired of the games.

Besides, if I am a danger to [your daughter], you're better off not being near me.

See? the games backfire, don't they?

Ugh!!!

10. From Steve:

Sent: Tue 9/09/14 9:46 AM

I'm not playing games. I am concerned about you. I am not concerned about anything else. Just what you are experiencing right now. I am concerned about you, now. I'm not pushing any agenda. I really think you need grounding with someone who knows you. Then you can leave me and burry me in a hole if you want. But now - I think you need an emotional check with a friend.

Please call.

I did not have time to respond to this message.

11. From Steve:

Tue 9/09/14 9:50 AM

Stop you character assassination campaign, issue an apology, and I'll be gone. If you are going to persist in accusing me of abuse, hire an attorney. If my mother finds out you are posting about her mothering skills - what happens to you won't be in my control.

My reply:

I have not assassinated your character. Perhaps I should share screen shots over Facebook? I can prove what I say, I just thought that would be a little over the top.

Maybe you're drinking so much you're forgetting what you are doing and saying.

I should never have to put up with the shit you did. Stop blaming me for the screw ups you made with your daughter. I don't need to hang out by myself in a pot filled stadium.

NEVER contact me again. You made it clear you didn't want the relationship on 8/29. There is not point contacting me now. Be gone. I'm starting the process of blocking your emails again.

Damn.....

At this point, I let everyone know that I'm considering deleting the post about men testing women because I was threatened with a lawsuit from an individual I blocked. My friends start telling me to get rid of the person who did that.

*******

Believe it or not there is more crap. It is hard to put together a timeline because he wrote me on numerous email accounts.

How could someone accuse me of lying about the stalking, stealing from my ex and expect to talk to me?

I'll post the rest tomorrow morning and clean up the post.

I want a paper trail just in case something happens.

If something happens in the next few days, don't blame anyone else.

It'll probably be my fault.

I'm really depressed.

I want to get my business back. I want to get away from my ex and his family.

Right now, I'm scared to advertise. I'm scared to put a shingle on my office door. I am terrified of making a move.

Members of Mike's family have stalked me at my offices. They've stalked me at school.

I am scared.

The worst part is that NO ONE BELIEVES ME!

I am to the point of no longer wanting to reach out.

I just want to be alone.
I am realizing that I am safest if I give Michael and his family whatever the heck they want. I'll call a victim's advocate in the morning to see if I can come up with a plan to stay safe while staying here. I can't afford to leave until I get that money I was supposed to get on November 1, 2013. I'm still in limbo.

Until I know what is going on with the stalking, I just want to isolate myself.

It doesn't matter.

There really is nothing I can do.

I have hidden all of the sharp knives in the house.

I threw away my pills.

I do fantasize about driving to the mountains and attaching a hose to my car -but then- who would pick the girls up from school?

This is only a temporary problem. I pray that it will only a matter of time before something breaks and I can free myself from my situation.

What I want is the truth.

I want to know what happened.

I want to know why Michael's family did what they did.

I want to know why they are doing what they are doing.

I want to know whether or not Michael can be trusted.

That, and I want a more fair divorce settlement.

I don't think giving me the house was fair.

I don't need some guy second guessing me and calling me a liar.

I'm trying to do the right thing.

Love ya,

S. Edit 9/20/14 - I found EVEN more obnoxious emails.  These are dated prior to 9/8/14.  In these Steve writes to say that I need to shut the f*ck up.  He makes very bizarre claims in them about me.  Those hurt too much to share. 

He has allegedly threatened me on Facebook with comparisons to James Holmes and there was something about a woman looking like me being covered in blood.  A lawyer friend has been looking at Steve's profile: She reported the posts to Facebook.  I never saw them.  The last post of his I saw claimed that I was an emotional abuser because I was terrified of losing the relationship.  That was on 9/1/14.  I blocked him after that. 

Now, threats of me being bloody?  Me being a murderess?   He's telling everyone I'm a psychopath.  Goodness,  I am terrified. 

Who is this guy?

I have no clue what I can say to him.

I was afraid to talk to him on the first of September after the weird messages I got that day.  Now....I'm seriously terrified. 

I don't know what I am dealing with.

It reminds me of the issues with my ex's family.

What am I dealing with?

My lawyer friend works with alcoholics who have lost their driver's licenses.  She says she has seen alcohol induced narcissism in some of her clients.  She also says they tend to focus on irrelevant facts to make cases and can often express a great deal of paranoia.  It's a disease.  She gave me the name of a good treatment provider but told me NOT to go near Steve.  She thinks he is dangerous. 

I'll keep the original post in tact.  If I strengthen up my emotional constitution and can get through the day without crying, I'll post the remainder of the emails.

Like I said, stalking doesn't hurt nearly as badly as being treated like you are garbage and lied about online.  

There is another development.  Mike is promising to go into therapy to try to get me back.  I don't know.  I don't trust him.  We've danced this dance before.  He pretended to go to therapy while hanging out at McDonalds.  I caught on when I didn't see any bills from the shrink.

He also offered me money to see the private investigator of my choice to help get strategies for dealing with his sister stalking me.  I declined.  I don't want to steal from my ex-husband.

There was a sad development today.  Mike's  doctor sent a certified letter begging him to get treatment for his high blood pressure and dropping him as a client.  I've never heard of a doctor doing that.  Is he afraid of being sued for lack of treatment?

I don't want Michael to die while he is living in my house.

I want him to live a long, happy life.

Maybe that is why I help him too much. 

What do I owe the man who allowed his family to stalk me? 

He gave me a house.  I don't want the house.  I'm trying to fix it up to sell it.  This is a losing battle. 

I'm crying again. 

I just want everyone to be happy.

I want to be fair.

I want to be just.

I try to be kind.

Why is it so hard?

Why is my life such a damn mess?

Maybe if I get a job in another state.....maybe then......I can move forward without fear. 

Wish me luck! 

Love ya,

S. 

This is my marker so I remember what email I forgot to post.  Steve had sent them to several email accounts.  It's hard for me to put them in a timeline. 

More to come: 12. From Steve:

Sent:

Tue 9/09/14 10:20 AM to S*****D****