Skip to main content

Final Facebook Post

Today I am thankful for Facebook lurkers.
My friends were telling me that Steve was badmouthing me online.  I posted this on Wednesday.  It was fairly popular status.  I'll put it here in case it helps someone else.

******



September 10 at 8:40am · Edited ·


Every time a man tells a woman to shut up, be quiet, or shush, he is losing an opportunity for intimacy. If it happens too much, intimacy will be impossible. Without intimacy, there is no point in being in a relationship.


Lies destroy trust. A man can triangulate and tell tall tales to his family and friends. Sure, he can treat a woman well when other are observing but it is what he does to her when no one is watching that counts. What happens between the couple creates intimacy, it doesn't matter how other people view things.


If a man lies in an attempt to make a woman look crazy, he will ultimately lose the relationship. The woman will know the truth of what is going on. She will lose faith in him. She will cease to trust him. A relationship is impossible without trust.


There is really no such thing as constructive criticism in relationships. A relationship is intended to be supportive rather than shame provoking. When a man criticizes a woman, it is a way of telling her that she is not enough, that she is deficient on some level and that she is not acceptable as she is. When a man tells a woman that she has to behave a certain way because he wants to help her be a better person, he is telling her that she is broken and must be fixed.


There is absolutely no reason for name-calling and psychological abuse in relationships. One doesn't have to yell to engage in abuse. It is conduct designed to hurt, manipulate or control the other party. It will ultimately backfire. One day, the partner will wake up and wonder why the man wants to be in a relationship with a sociopathic, do-nothing, lying, hyper-critical, looser[sic], with an unnamed psychiatric issue?


Any game playing done for the purpose of putting another person in a no win situation is psychological abuse. Mind games create confusion, make communication difficult, and ultimately destroy trust and the potential for intimacy.


Finally, making threats is a sure fire way to lose a relationship. If a man threatens to report innocent Facebook posts, the woman will become wary of sharing more of who she is with him on Facebook. If a man threatens to throw out her property and get a restraining order against her because she doesn't answer a message within a certain time frame, she becomes distrustful. If a man threatens to sue her because he misunderstood something that she posted online, she will most likely stop sharing her thoughts with him. He will lose her trust, he will lose opportunities for intimacy, and he will ultimately lose the relationship.


Love does not lie. Love does not criticize. Love certainly does not threaten.


Love does not tear another person down.


Love does not have to tolerate disrespect. One can always love at a distance.


We choose to love moment by moment. There are those relationships where control is chosen over compassion a good chunk of the time. Those are the relationships that end. Why? One cannot truly love that which he seeks to control.


There is no shame in opting out of a relationship that is harming your sense of self. Setting boundaries for your time, your energy, and the behavior to which you are willing to subject yourself to is not abuse. No one is entitled to trample your spirit via control....


no one...


ever...


for any reason.


******************************************************


I'm sorry for taking it to Facebook but I know my wall is being monitored. I find the emails distressing because the last thing I want to see are long excuses for the bad behavior, lies, threats, circular reasoning and blame. I'm tired of hurting. It's time to move on.


Part of me feels sorry for this person. I hope he can take something from this to help improve his future relationships.

Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....
Read more

Venus Meditations

  Today I am thankful for my new realization.  In my world, Friday is the day of love (reminds of The Cure - lol).  It's true.  Friday is the day of Venus.  Exhausted as I was after work, I went to my altar and lit a candle asking that my friend find whatever his life is lacking. Then I went upstairs and did my Friday night ritual to Aphrodite.  I lit a candle asking that I gain confidence in my ability to love.  I also ask that I recognize true love.  I was too exhausted to linger so I tried to fall asleep.  Have you been too tired to sleep?  It's horrible.  Your mind goes round and round -  you might recall things that happened recently (like the doctor telling me to be careful because I haven't hit menopause yet and I say, "not worried about it" while thinking that it's a good time to be in a sexual drought - hooray for me),  or things going on at work  (that I can hypnotize little cranky babies to sleep without sa...
Read more

My Competition

Only our best friends and greatest teachers will have the courage to say those uncomfortable things to help us get out of the mud and back on our paths.   Today I am thankful for my competition. I love being a hypnotist because I have the most wonderful colleagues in the world. I bought a refresher Stop Smoking Hypnosis Course from another hypnotist trainer.  I bought it because I'm too lazy to create my own business forms.  It comes with the forms.  Usually, I can't read anything this man writes without learning something new.  I figured that I couldn't go wrong investing in his products.  I received the package yesterday.  It was supposed to contain four CDs. I received five.  Do you want to guess what the fifth one was?  It was a hypnosis session entitled "Overcome Your Lost Love." I'm a little bit tickled at that discovery. This is perfect!!! I love this guy's voice.   This is the mo...
Read more