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Final Facebook Post

Today I am thankful for Facebook lurkers.
My friends were telling me that Steve was badmouthing me online.  I posted this on Wednesday.  It was fairly popular status.  I'll put it here in case it helps someone else.

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September 10 at 8:40am · Edited ·


Every time a man tells a woman to shut up, be quiet, or shush, he is losing an opportunity for intimacy. If it happens too much, intimacy will be impossible. Without intimacy, there is no point in being in a relationship.


Lies destroy trust. A man can triangulate and tell tall tales to his family and friends. Sure, he can treat a woman well when other are observing but it is what he does to her when no one is watching that counts. What happens between the couple creates intimacy, it doesn't matter how other people view things.


If a man lies in an attempt to make a woman look crazy, he will ultimately lose the relationship. The woman will know the truth of what is going on. She will lose faith in him. She will cease to trust him. A relationship is impossible without trust.


There is really no such thing as constructive criticism in relationships. A relationship is intended to be supportive rather than shame provoking. When a man criticizes a woman, it is a way of telling her that she is not enough, that she is deficient on some level and that she is not acceptable as she is. When a man tells a woman that she has to behave a certain way because he wants to help her be a better person, he is telling her that she is broken and must be fixed.


There is absolutely no reason for name-calling and psychological abuse in relationships. One doesn't have to yell to engage in abuse. It is conduct designed to hurt, manipulate or control the other party. It will ultimately backfire. One day, the partner will wake up and wonder why the man wants to be in a relationship with a sociopathic, do-nothing, lying, hyper-critical, looser[sic], with an unnamed psychiatric issue?


Any game playing done for the purpose of putting another person in a no win situation is psychological abuse. Mind games create confusion, make communication difficult, and ultimately destroy trust and the potential for intimacy.


Finally, making threats is a sure fire way to lose a relationship. If a man threatens to report innocent Facebook posts, the woman will become wary of sharing more of who she is with him on Facebook. If a man threatens to throw out her property and get a restraining order against her because she doesn't answer a message within a certain time frame, she becomes distrustful. If a man threatens to sue her because he misunderstood something that she posted online, she will most likely stop sharing her thoughts with him. He will lose her trust, he will lose opportunities for intimacy, and he will ultimately lose the relationship.


Love does not lie. Love does not criticize. Love certainly does not threaten.


Love does not tear another person down.


Love does not have to tolerate disrespect. One can always love at a distance.


We choose to love moment by moment. There are those relationships where control is chosen over compassion a good chunk of the time. Those are the relationships that end. Why? One cannot truly love that which he seeks to control.


There is no shame in opting out of a relationship that is harming your sense of self. Setting boundaries for your time, your energy, and the behavior to which you are willing to subject yourself to is not abuse. No one is entitled to trample your spirit via control....


no one...


ever...


for any reason.


******************************************************


I'm sorry for taking it to Facebook but I know my wall is being monitored. I find the emails distressing because the last thing I want to see are long excuses for the bad behavior, lies, threats, circular reasoning and blame. I'm tired of hurting. It's time to move on.


Part of me feels sorry for this person. I hope he can take something from this to help improve his future relationships.

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