Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful for being a witch.   A man I used to date is abusing his daughter in a similar fashion to what he did to me. Don't ask me how I know.  I just do.  I just got a message from a mutual friend. He said the same thing to her that he claimed I did.  So.... Today is Saturday.  It's the best day for a protection spell on a child.  I'm off to my altar.  I haven't conjured a demon in a long time.  I'm truly considering it.  That's because I'm pissed at him.  If he apologizes, I can just give a gift to Artemis.  She's a Goddess who protects young women.  Hmmmmmmm........choices....choices. Behave or pay the price.  Love, S. 

Today I am thankful that I recognize relationship abuse.   I'm still sad. I thought Steve would be different.  For all the talk about anarchy and freedom, it simply didn't exist in our relationship.  I blamed the fact that I couldn't get my ex-husband to move on.  I blamed myself. It doesn't matter.  It is weird having my ex-husband explain to me how he took control of our relationship years ago.  Yes, he says that he knows what he did.  Yes, he said most men know the games they play.  Yes, most men do it for control. That is validating.  It's painful.  It's validating.  I know what my problems are.  I always do my best to see the best in other people.  I know that no one is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes.  My issue?  Well, I am too forgiving and I feel badly when I break up with someone for hurting me.  I couldn't take it anymore.  I couldn't.  I'm still trying to escape my former marriage.  It's weird.  Divo

Today I am thankful for narratives: They can help you pinpoint exactly what is wrong.   I had a therapist friend ask me to write out a narrative using free writing.  She has never seen this.  I'll just post it here.  This is what I came up with.  I am divorced.  I was awarded the house in the divorce in September 2013.   My ex-husband doesn't hit people (just things) and yells a lot. The safety issue is the stalking and property damage. I am unsure if he is the stalker. The cops say he is the stalker but he swears up and down that he has nothing to do with it (usually). It's gone on for 23 years and typically involves phone harassment, break-ins, or his sister or cousin bothering friends, colleagues and neighbors trying to spread gossip or get information about me. I have seen them watch me. Over the past three years, it has become scary. My former sister-in-law has a new boyfriend who likes to physically push people around. I found a GPS box on my veh

Today I am thankful for psychology guides on the internet.   I found an excellent pep-talk on how to overcome the depression associated with emotional abuse. In short, get away.  Some people never change. It explains the game in detail.  I see a couple of people in this: I feel inspired to kick a little arse.  You can read the guide here. http://www.understanding-depression-symptoms.com/emotional-abuse-1html Love, S.

Today I am thankful for people who talk about verbal abuse. I found a few links that talk about the issue.  I feel like I am dealing with it in stereo.  I want to understand so I never find myself in this situation again.  This is the best link that I can find.  http://hubpages.com/hub/Abusive-Relationships-Problem-Solving Here is a paragraph.  There is so much insight here.  I would implore you to read the link. While many people on the forum may say, "You're being abused" or "You're being abusive," his is the one voice that describes the abuser's perceptions, and he does it very effectively. Recently, when a woman posted about relationship issues she was having, many people replied to her thread with the same response, "You should leave him." And like most of us have done, she said, "But he's my best friend." Here's what MrK told her: Here's where the disconnect happens. He is your best friend 99%

Today I am thankful that I can love at a distance: I cannot be with anyone who lies, blames, makes assumptions, and is disrespectful towards me. I will NOT fall out of love. I will simply love....at a distance.  Edit 9.23.14 -  In the post below (which I have left intact), I promise to share Steve's emails.  Well, I found several more emails Steve had sent between 9.1.14 and 9.10.14.  They tell me to STFU and devalue me pretty harshly.  They accuse me of crazy things.  There is a lot of projection in them. I am not comfortable sharing them simply because reading them makes me cry.  The toxicity is deplorable.  In this situation, I do not know if I am wrong to beat myself up for trusting this man.  He broke my heart.  Maybe someday I'll write about the bizarre things he did when we were alone that I wrote off.  In retrospect, I realize that I should have known that he didn't love me.  I may never be strong enough to share the remainder of the emails.   Perhaps, someday, i

Today I am thankful for 24 hour drug stores. Fearing that Steve would run to Facebook and whine about his therapist claiming that I am abusing him by hooking him, I went to a 24 hour drug store and overpaid for a test. It came back negative. I'm still going to the doctor.  People who lie to control relationships usually tend to lie about who they have slept with.  I'm worried about STDs now.  There may have been a more concerning reason for him lying.  He could actually believe the lies.  It could be an issue with substance abuse, which also makes me worry about STDs due to the possibility of doing things one cannot remember while drunk. ***** I am wondering how I got in another abusive relationship. I think is because my mother was a narcissistic alcoholic.  She taught me to put up with her crap.  She'd lie about me.  I'd do whatever I could to make her happy so I wouldn't be embarrassed.  I'd do whatever it took to keep her lies to a mi

Today I am thankful for my lack of options.  Yesterday my neighbor propositioned me.... for sex. He's a good friend.  We've had each other's backs for nearly fifteen years. I fight battles for him. He fights battles for me.  Yesterday he reminded me conversations about my celibacy that we've had for over ten years.  He wanted to help.  I declined.  I have a specific reason for declining.  I may share. I may not. It's not about him.  I want to see a doctor before getting involved with anyone else. ****** My ex-husband asked me to stay with him for the sake of the kids. I declined. Maybe I should reconsider. . ****** My grandmother had a saying. "If you can't beat 'em..... join 'em." I am realizing that the stalking will never end. When my ex moves out of the house, the stalking will get worse. It won't end. He seems much more happier now that Steve is out of the picture. The ki