Today I am thankful for my Shaman friends.
One of them will admit to casting a spell to help me find true love.
She did this twice.
She did this in February of 2011 after hearing me complain about all my meetings with ex-boyfriends and stalkers. I used to describe my life as an ex-fest.
I met Steve within eight weeks.
She did it again in September of last year for a birthday present. With that, my separation agreement was signed. Within days, Steve started putting the moves on me.
He wanted to tell the world that he was in love with me. Sadly, we've been doing the breaking up and making up thing ever since.
I realize that it is because I want a damn job before I suck some poor man into my world.
I'm expensive!!!
Steve doesn't seem to care about money. He's such a romantic.
You know, money helps. I can earn my keep. I have a need to earn my own living.
I asked my friend to cast a spell to help me get a job. I spent $14.00 on candles and herbs.
I hope it works.
*****
Steve asked me what it would take to repair our relationship and to rebuild the trust. I used to think it would be compatibility. Being an intellectual, he wants me to expound upon the concept of compatibility.
Okay.....hmmmm......I want sex to be....hot.
It would be hotter if I were thinner.
It would be hotter if I could afford better undies.
It would be better if I could afford bigger boobs (he'd disagree).
It's not the sex, is it?
I get it now.
We can talk about anything. We eat the same kind of food. We like the same kind of things. We get along pretty well except that I'm not sure I want to get married again.
The last time I got married, it turned into a nightmare. Maybe...if I can NOT allow the guy to take everything away from me....I could do it.
Maybe....I'm going to have to go back to my shrink and talk about boundaries with men.
I KNOW what I want in a man that I haven't had until now. I KNOW what I get from Steve that no other man can give me.
It is SYCHRONICITY.
It is the uncanny knack we have to think about the same things at the same time. It is the uncanny phenomenon that we share the same emotional highs and lows. We both get amorous at the same time. We both get grouchy at the same time. We both get playful at the same time.
We are in synch. It is beautiful.
It is this bizarre scenario that keeps occurring where we excitedly run into each other's arm to share the lessons we have learned that week - and we say the exact same things! We just see opposite sides of the lessons and spend hours upon hours talking about them.
That's what I need. I need to be in synch with someone.
That is compatibility in the extreme.
That's it!!
*****
My lesson this week was to open my heart because that is the basis of trust.
I have learned that all my blocks come from my head. When I shut that off, everything is amazing. Things ladies don't write about are more beautiful. I have better timing. I find better opportunities. I get more done.
My heart also taught me something else.
When listening to a man, let him talk until he takes a huge breath. He'll take small breaths but don't say a word. Give him at least 30 seconds of silence before you start talking.
It's powerful to do that. I am realizing that when I do this the conversations are better. Sometimes what he starts out saying to me isn't what he winds up saying. He can start off a-holish but it does end on a better note because he's not as defensive and I actually get to hear enough to understand.
Even then....give his words 10% of the attention. The real truth of what a man says is in his eyes.
I wish I had known this years ago.
Love ya,
Love ya,
S.