Authorship

Today I am thankful for the opportunity to write a book.

 

I was contacted by someone asking me to consider writing a book.  He would edit it.  He claimed it would help me advertise and build my brand.

I don't know what I'd write about.  He told me to look at my life experience and training.

Hmmmmm......I don't know what I would write about. 

 

Erotic Hypnosis?

 

Overcoming the fallout from Domestic Violence?

 

Overcoming the anxiety created by a stalker (or would that be domestic violence, too)?

 

Sigh.....those are things in my life that I screwed up royally.  I've made a ton of mistakes that I'm learning how to overcome.

Do not hypnotise yourself to cum upon seeing the color lime green or you'll inadvertently sit with a hot old flame (who looks pretty darn good in a kilt) while sipping coffee in a floral art gallary.

He lives in San Francisco.  I'm not what he wants.  Everyone is hotter in California.  I said that to myself a lot.  That's how I kept myself cool. Oh, and the several iced coffees he bought me helped, too.

That's probably why he came back three times.  Thank goodness I have no clue what I looked like!  I would have embarassed myself.

He took a picture but wouldn't let me see it. 

I wonder....could it be on the web somewhere? 

No.....he wouldn't.....would he?

I had a hypnotist friend fix me....sigh.  Thank goodness, I can look at a box of crayons again!

 

The domestic violence and stalking pieces I am still working on.  I'll probably be an expert by the time I'm done.

 

I set up an appointment with a shrink to talk about why I let men do things to me that make me uncomfortable.

I am realizing that control is subtle.

 

There is one thing I want to point out for someone that I am pretty sure reads this thing.

• If a man threatens to call the authorities every time he is offended, he is an abuser.  
• If someone threatens to get a restraining order to get you to talk to him, it is an attempt at control.   
• If someone threatens to contact a web host to remove a picture he finds offensive, it is an attempt at controlling speech.   

I am unsure I can speak to this person again because I am becoming afraid of him.  It is subtle now.  It won't always be that way. 

What would happen if it did become violent?  I once dated a guy who hit me in the head with a hammer and tried to have me arrested!!!  He almost succeeded but I fainted.  My injuries were hidden until I hit the emergency room.  I nearly died.

I will never, ever allow myself to be in such a situation.

I see it forming before me.

I saw a study today that concluded that people who were more educated or made more money than their mates tended to be victimized by abuse in their relationships.  They posit that it is an attempt to even out the power in the relationship.  This was true of both men and women.

I started getting stalked heavily when I made $150.00 an hour.  I'm wondering about this.

The harassment has always been there.  I have always had more education than my ex-husband or any member of his immediate family.

Do I need to date people who make gobs of money, too?  Maybe not.  I haven't made much money since the stalking began.  I don't have the heart to take clients and risk them being exposed to my stalker(s).

That said, love is not enough. 

 

I need my autonomy.

 

There is help for insecurity.  Insecurity is the root of control.

I can't tolerate the games.  They hurt me.

If this is love, I'd rather be alone.

 

Love ya,

 

S.