Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful that I have something nice to say about a judge. Two months ago, an Arapahoe County judge allowed my ex to stay with me for another 60 days. I'd been trying to get away from this guy since 2008.  He was court ordered to move out on October 21, 2013. He never moved out despite my asking him to leave. He would make excuses and he'd give a move out date.  Those move out dates would come and go without change. I could not force him out of the house because I only had my divorce settlement giving me sole possession of the house.  I did not have an order forcing him out. I either needed him to leave on his own or I needed an order of eviction. After more than three years of games, he finally moved out on Friday. I changed the locks. We had a hearing today. My ex didn't show up. I was awarded thousands of dollars that I'll never see. That money can be used as leverage to keep his stalkerish family away from me. If they bother m...

Today I am thankful my daughters are not redheads. My adult children were cleaning out their father's room.  He had many of the eldest daughter's things in that room; her jewelry, her furniture and her high school yearbooks. She and the eighteen year old went inside to retrieve her things to take back to the house she bought a few years ago.  They came out with Porn; porn of redheaded succubi. I don't know what to think about it. Is it a sign of love that your ex has stacks of magazines and movies of younger women who resemble you? Or is it insulting that the kids found it? I'm a little sad.  At least none of my daughters have the ginger gene. ***** I'm a little disgusted. Maybe.....those magazines have nothing to do with me. Maybe he just likes redheads. Who knows? I need to burn those damn things in the fireplace. ***** Speaking of hair color, I thought I should mention that the herb Foti is darkening my hair. It's almost burgu...

Today I am thankful I was late to a movie: I think I missed the worst of a crisis situation. I hate Century 16.  It's the theater James Holmes shot up on a hot July day. Century 16 is an anti-gun theater.  They have signs posted that forbid citizens from concealed carry.  The business owners can do whatever the heck they want to do.  I have (hopefully had) a stalker.  I had to do what kept me safe.  I avoided the place. Of course, in the real world, homicidal maniacs don't typically obey posted signage.  I thought I'd give the theater a second chance after they said they would not collect attorney fees from the victims who unsuccessfully sued them for their anti-gun stance. That was the worst $36.00 I've spent on Fandango. I'm never going back to that theater.  I promised to take my kiddos to the 6:20 showing of Rogue One. I was at a mall, hoping to get my children something to eat before the movie started. I never ...

Tonight I am thankful for the lack of drama..... and sleep. I am really thankful for sleep. I forgot how much I missed my herbal tea at night.  The bad situation caused me to retreat to my bedroom or hide out in my car. The little rituals that made me happy went by the wayside - things like working out and sipping damania tea....I haven't done those things since my ex lost his job and spent nearly every hour of every day in this house. I hadn't done these things in over a year. **** Life if peaceful. I'm getting about seven hours of sleep now. I still have nightmares. They're not nearly as scary as they used to be.  Now they typically involve my ex-husband digging up the front yard to grab things he's hidden from me during the divorce. That betrays my subconscious belief that he's hiding crap -or- that he's digging his own grave. He never said good-bye to the kids. One is hurt.  The other two are pissed. I don't know what to ...

Today I am thankful that my keys have been returned and I finally have both garage door openers. He left most of his stuff here. His clothes are still piled on my exercise equipment.  I miss working out.  I'm going to have to get rid of them. He did not say goodbye to the kids. He handed my keys to my eldest daughter. She said he was angry. The locks have been changed. ***** I'm at peace. I am concerned.  I've received an email where he is threatening not to cooperate with the court. That won't bode well for him. That's not my problem. ***** When you're a psychotherapist, the Gods send you the clients you need. I'm seeing a lot of people who can't seem to get away from their exes. It's interesting the things I ask them. It's interesting the things my clients teach me. One woman was talking about loving her ex. She dreams of him. She misses him. She worries for him. She doesn't want him.  She jus...

Today I am thankful for sound proof foam. I realize that I need more of it. My makeshift recording studio is in my bedroom.  I used to record in my basement but my ex lives there. I had to put it in my room. I'm using quilts and a makeshift eggcrate foam filled box for my microphone to record my vocals in now.  It's a little uncomfortable.  I can't project my voice doing that. I just don't want to mount black foam on my bedroom walls. What would people think? It would look like I'm more exciting than I really am.  So....no. I use a cheap Yeti microphone now.  That sucker picks up everything. My neighbors got into it today. I could hear every single word on the recording. It was supposed to be a meditation recording. Upon playback, I heard.... Make yourself comfortable...... "Don't touch my car!!" Close your eyes now...... "Help!! Help!!: and imagine a safe place...... "Asshole!!" filled...

Today I am thankful for exhaustion: Perhaps I'll get more than four hours of sleep tonight. It's been a crazy couple of days. I had several recording products to finish for clients.  I had forgotten that the computer in my studio was smashed.  So, I had to scramble to get the software on my new computer. Much of my software doesn't work well with the newer computers. I need to buy a used older model. ***** They say the Gods (or the God and/or the Universe) sends you people you need. Yesterday I spent two hours consoling a woman from Broomfield who was raked over the coals in divorce court by her abusive ex.  Her story sounds a lot like mine. I'm not the only one. I'm realizing that this is a systemic problem.  Now, I'm pondering how to broach this topic without embarrassing the judges behaving this way. I did not tell her what was going on with me.  I taught her a couple of NLP stress management tips and sent her on her w...

Today I am thankful that I realize I'm in a hopeless situation: The realization will keep me from wasting my energy fighting a losing battle . My ex is still here.  It's the same as it has always been.  He gives me a move out date and it comes and goes without any action.  He hasn't packed a box. He told the teenager that he'd be back at home at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow night. He's not moving out. He lied to me. I'm sure it's because the family court judge gave him 60 days in my home.  The judge said he could stay until December 28th.  The judge didn't tell him he had to leave.  The judge said he had to have a plan by December 28th.  Sigh..... He's going to milk it for all its worth. I'm beginning to doubt the judge can do anything. This is probably why people play games in family court.  Judges are clueless.  The games wear on and on. I'm trapped in hell with my ex-husband. I wish I believed in Hoodoo.  I'll...

Today I am thankful for insight. It's Saturday. Upon learning that the City of Aurora has paid two months rent for my ex and that he could move into his new place at any time, I demanded that my ex move out immediately.  I told him I wanted him out by midnight. That was Wednesday morning around 7:00 a.m. I hate it when people waste taxpayer money.  I'm not thrilled the city is housing stalkers and domestic abusers while letting domestic violence victims be turned away by the shelter.  I've met a few women escaping violence living by the fence of Cherry Creek State Park. They were living there before Aurora cops harassed them out of the area.  That is state property, I don't understand how local cops can take control of Colorado property.  It must be some type of crazy agreement they have with the State.  If I weren't so stressed, I'd look into it. Even the local politicians have control issues.  I pray the women are not the...

Today I am thankful for lessons. They say if you need to learn a lesson, you'll keep living in hellish circumstances until you change your behavior as a result of learning that lesson. I'm reminded today Don't try to out cray the crazy. Don't try to out manipulate a manipulator. Just get the hell out of their line of sight. Love ya, S. 

Today I am thankful that my ex promised to move out this weekend. He asked for more gas money.  I gladly bought him a $25 Citgo gas card.  I spend more for his gasoline than I spend for my own. I am still thinking that he's not thinking ahead.  He says he has a shot at a good paying job. He'll need a haircut. He'll need money for gas to get to the job interviews. He'll need money for auto insurance.  I'll have to remove him from my policy the day he moves out. I don't know the line between helping and enabling. I'm not sure what I should do. I'll let my lawyer know. I'll be more forgiving to the judge, if my ex follows through.  I will still go to my lawmaker frenemies on the Judicial Committee to explain what happened and suggest that judges be mandated to pay for domestic violence training. If I were still Libertarian, I'd vie for a run at the house.  It's not worth sacrificing my faith.  No matter, I can get more...

Today I am thankful for the delusion that I'm a witch with 465 or so djinn. It's just a delusion. A fun one. At least, I think it's a delusion. So.....let me be blunt The Denver Police Department are stealing blankets from homeless people on cold nights.... claiming that the blankets are evidence. Oh really.... It's a shame I don't watch T.V.  I heard it from the mouth of a homeless man. A quick Google search proved it to be the truth. So.... This puts me in mind of Hitler. Hitler gave orders. People followed them. Commanders gave orders. People followed them. These mindless drones engaged in the slaughter of millions of innocent people. The mindless drones who were caught were charged with war crimes. I'm not too happy with the Denver cops. I threw away the invite to donate to their toys for kids program this year. Behave and you'll get what little money I have. Harass the poor....well...you've lost my tr...

Today I am thankful for Carl Jung. When I think of the filthy dreams I've having, it helps to think of Jung. A shrink may tell me that I have an unconscious urge to be with someone from my past.  Jung, well....he'd say that I'm running from my animus. I'm running from my power. So...the past two nights I've had dreams about someone I used to know.  I affectionately refer to him as the Vertigo Instigator.  When I'm near him, I can't decide if I should fall or flee.  I usually just stand there getting dizzy to the point of needing to go to the emergency room. I now carry Meclizine to my home town when I go to visit with the homeless....just in case...a vertigo attack comes close. It hasn't been a problem. Yeah....I avoided the place for years.  Avoidance is stupid.  It's my home. I tend to get drawn into political battles there because I care for my former neighbors.  The population is aging.  They're going to need peop...

Today I am thankful I finally have the name of the judge who allowed my stalker ex to live with me for 60 more days. My ex is trying to evade the next court hearing.  I think he is doing that so he can buy himself more time in the status quo. This judge should know better.  It appears that when he was a judge with Douglas County, he granted a restraining order to a woman who was murdered by the subject of the restraining order a few days later.  This judge knows the worst case scenario. http://www.denverpost.com/headlines/ci_18092538#ixzz1MnYVRPQd I missed my meeting with a local lawmaker last week because I was asked to work. I'm going to try to meet with lawmakers from a town I used to do activism in.  This lawmaker likes to help foster children.  We'll talk about the hardships foster children face when we meet. Maybe she'll listen.  Our judges really need to understand stalking and domestic violence.  We were divorced ...

Today I am thankful that I've lost my patience. So..... I found out that there was nothing wrong with my furnace.  I was about to leave work early to bring home an HVAC guy and Michael told me that the problem was the batteries in the thermostat. I remember thinking that was the problem.  I was told it wasn't the problem, so I started to hunt down a loan for a new furnace. I don't know if it was an honest mistake or more drama. I'm too tired for drama. *********************** My ex has been trying to get my lawyer to vacate the next hearing date by claiming he has to work the day of our next hearing (three days after Christmas). Um....he doesn't have a job.  He says he might have a job.  He doesn't know when it would start or what hours he would work. It seems to me he's trying to keep the status quo by putting off court. I asked him when he would move out. He said he did not know. I begged him to call his mother to ask if he co...

Today I am thankful for blankets and the fact I can let the water run to prevent the pipes from bursting. Monday night, I did a ritual to protect the people in Arvada from the cold. When I arrived home on Tuesday, my ex told me that the furnace had gone out.  I'm nearly on the verge of tears because I really don't know what in the world is going on. I'd cry but I don't want the tears to freeze. We still do not have heat.  I think the motor on the furnace is bad.  I'm looking at $4,000 for a replacement. If I hadn't had to spend $4,500 on a lawyer, I could have paid cash for the furnace -but- I hired a lawyer thinking it help stop the bullshit.  It didn't.  It just siphoned my money.  I'm still supporting my ex-husband.  Things are still being broken.  Last week it was the locks on my garage door. Yesterday it was the furnace. This is getting expensive. ****** I find myself wondering why my ex-husband is running a...

I am thankful when the gaslighting stops bothering me. I'm not so thankful when the gas lights go out. So....things are breaking in my house. In the past four months, I've discovered that there are mice living in the basement. Yesterday I was told there was a leak in the basement bathroom that is leaving mold on the wall in the bedroom my ex-husband lives in. Today, he informs me that the furnace isn't working. Within eight weeks of his losing his job, I had to replace the hot water heater, two or three phones, one computer and a washing machine. The gutters are falling apart, that I knew.  I have been trying to replace them..... but....I don't earn enough money for a home equity loan.  To get the loan, I must prove that I get child support. I don't. So.....I don't know what to do. My ex is lazy.  He won't help. I came home from work, found out the furnace broke and I've been trying to take it apart to see what is the matt...

Today I am thankful for the Weird Al Effect. What is the weird Al effect? Well.... That is when you are singing to original songs on the radio.... but Weird Al lyrics cross your lips.  It's when.... becomes When you hear Coolio,... and you sing about Mennonites. When we hear someone croon about being horny and we celebrate those sizzling cunning linguists. Weird Al even sings about the nerds....like me. There is a Libertarian lawyer I truly respect. He gives speeches with the intent of helping people know their rights during traffic stops.  He's a great speaker and has a way of drawing the audience into the discussion. He always cites Jay Z.  When he talks about cops trying to catch us riding dirty, I always have to cover my mouth so I don't ruin his speech with my horrid singing. Sigh..... Although a true Trekie may like other Captains like Archer, Pike, Janeway or Sisko.  Sisko's my ...

Today I am thankful for conversation with beautiful people. I have a talent for getting people to approach me and talk to me. The secret is copying a small facet of a person's body language upon approach. If they move their hands side to side, do that.....they'll approach you. Find something small.....copy that....people will acknowledge you. I spent my afternoon talking to homeless people in my hometown. I emptied the cash in my purse. It wasn't much. I spoke to them. They were all male. They have been homeless on average of one year to eighteen months. They are not from the big city.  They are from the same city I visited today. In other words, the men I spoke to today were priced out of their Arvada apartments. They are living in Arvada. The city council is barking up the wrong tree by blaming Denver and Aurora. I don't live in Arvada anymore.  I gave up my Arvada business due to the stalking.  They may not want to hear from me or care...