Song Stuck on Repeat

Today I am thankful for the curious song stuck on repeat in my car.

Yes, I haven't quite figured out how to use the radio in my brand new crappy car. I shoved a Rihanna CD on it. it's stuck on this song.

It plays over and over and over.

The old men stare and stare and stare.

The song is stuck in my head and plays and plays and plays

over and over in my head

in the grocery store,

in political meetings,

when I sleep by myself and start to cry,

when I am with Steve and remember that he's not fond of fellatio.

Then I realize....

maybe.....

it's not going to work.

I'm a little sad.

I need someone to let me be the leopard I truly am.

Perhaps it's not a bad thing to be alone right now.

If I can't bring myself to the point of being a raging inferno....it's not worth it.

I'm sad. I'm off to cry in my bed alone.

May Isis bring him what he needs.

Me?

I don't know....

Maybe I just need my bass.

Love ya,

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing? I imagine they sing songs like this. I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call but wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again. I probably should document this somewhere. My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis. She is his cousin. I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law. She wanted me to plan interventions. This happened with a baby shower. It also happened with a wedding. The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car). I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

Realizations

Today I am thankful for realizations. Michael handed me a note promising me the house, the 401K and custody of the kids. I told him to come up with something a little more fair towards himself. He started crying because he doesn't want a divorce. I'm all he lives for. He hasn't touched me in six years and I'm what he wants. Yeah...right!! I am so flippin' pissed! I knew it!! I knew it!!! The games...the stalking...the lying...the bullshit...the threats to kill himself.... it is all designed to keep me here. I still don't get the stalking shit. He claims it's his sister and he can't keep me safe from her. He can't help but tell them how to find me, so he tells me that I will never be safe so long as I am married to him. The cops say he's the stalker and that I'll never be safe until he moves on to another woman. I'm confused. I'm seriously thinking that the only way to stay safe is to move far away....

The Lines Between Reality and Fiction are Blurred

Today I am thankful that I'm a bitch. First, CO-PEP is up to their tricks again playing around with the law and ignoring my lawyer in an effort to try to get rid of my ex's child support arrearages. That ship sailed when he refused to leave my home necessitating me to spend $30,000 in legal fees. I gotta pay that money back with interest. I had hoped they'd play nice and be honest. It looks like we are back to game playing. There are soon going to be very expensive health insurance premiums that will need to be accounted for. If they're nice, I could let it slide. I'm busy with work and school. I'm busy enough to let it slide. I've let a lot of medical costs slide. I've let the fact that he continues to violate the divorce agreement slide. Why would they want to piss me off? It's not going to help their deadbeat daddy client. As an aside, he refused to tell me his address because he claimed I had t...

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