Today I am thankful that I finally understand the story.
I know some of my gurus are going to knock me for needing to understand the story.
I had to get more information before moving on.
I didn't understand this until a couple of hours ago.
What happened was someone in the community called me. He needed a lawyer because his child was caught with drug paraphernalia in his car.
My daughter works in the legal field. She deals with drug offenses. I called her.
She asked about the divorce. She asked if her Dad was still at the house. She asked if I was going to cook Thanksgiving dinner and whether or not her Dad would be there.
Yes, he's still here.
Yes, I'll cook dinner.
Yes, he'll be here.
Yes, she can show up.
At that moment, I felt guilty for wanting to move on with my life.
My ex's boss mentioned wanting to see me at a Christmas party. Uh...we are getting divorced. I can't go. My ex has told his coworkers that we are still a couple.
We are not.
I am in love with another man. I am ready to move on. I can't put myself in a position of giving my ex false hope in the marriage.
Of course, my ex milked this for all it was worth. He wants me back. He says that my being with another man is his karma for telling me we are getting divorced. He'll forgive me.
The stalking will never happen again, he said.
He will honor my boundaries and not dig through my stuff, he said.
He will stop raging at me, he said.
But....the manipulations...the irresponsibility...the lying....I can't handle those things.
I can't handle the things that are brought into my life due to the manipulations, the irresponsibility, the lying, and the drama.
The fact his brother is having his bill collectors call here proves to me that this is a family affair. I didn't train my ex to lie, be irresponsible with money, or create drama.
His brother and sister do it, too.
It has nothing to do with me.
I can leave now.
It's okay for me to go because the drama is stealing time away from me. It is taking me away from the community. I can't help the community if my time is being stolen away by crazy, stalking, irresponsible people.
If the stalking is about my ex having a teenage obsession with me, I can go away now. The universe will bring him another love who needs to learn a lesson, just like I did.
When I leave, the obsession will fade. It's a good thing.
It is high time to move on.
*****
The universe brought me a man who mirrors me so completely, it is uncanny. I don't know where to start with that one. There is so much that we have in common.
The freaky thing is that our marriages became celibate about the same time.
It's like we've spent eight years waiting for each other.
I realize that I made this particular soul mate wait for me because I was shamed into staying here. I made a vow but was the only one keeping it. I made that vow more important than my need to follow my bliss.
This is my lesson.
Follow your heart. Listen to your gut. Follow your intuition.
That is what I am doing.
This man teaches me to communicate and to really listen. He teaches me to get in touch with my spirituality and never deny my true feelings. He reminds me to live, love, and honor other people. He teaches me to chunk down big projects into manageable parts and to pay attention to details.
I need him in my life, especially right now.
*****
I've had a lot more energy today than I've had in two years.
I'm no longer asking "why am I being stalked?" and "how can I stay safe?" The stalking began with an irrational teenager obsessing over poetry. It's irrational. I'll never get a rational answer. The safest thing I can do is move on and let him do the same.
Now, the question has changed. I'm asking "what in the world does the universe wants me to do now?"
I'm ready for the next lesson.
Love ya,
S.