Today I am thankful for life's humorous moments.
I have a friend who I used to crush on before I met my love. This friend is a musician and a talent agent. He lives in [edited out for privacy], so I never get to see him. He flies out to my city occasionally but I never get enough notice to drop what I'm doing to visit with him.
I don't want to give his name.
Let's see.....we'll call him....hmmmm.....Bob.
Bob recently complained that all the women he dates want a guy with an 10" penis.
Yeah.....
Not I....it's too much. It's like having GG cups and not being able to run a marathon due to the pain.
Once I said that, I think Bob fell in love.
He writes to me all the time and wants to chat via the telephone. He's trying to set up radio and television interviews for me.
Uh...NO!
I'm hiding from those websites where he contacts me now.
So....
This is where it gets funny.
The Goddess must've heard me bitch about big wangs.
I fell in love with my best friend and lo' and behold....
Here was my first lesson. Get a guy naked before you fall in love with him. That way, if it's gonna hurt you, YOU KNOW beforehand.
Yeah.....I'm intimidated by the way my love is built.
He's a nice guy. I tend to perceive the size of a guy by how kind hearted he is. Maybe it is an issue of perception.
Maybe this is why I always dated assholes prior to this.
So...never bitch...never complain...the deities have a sense of humor.
Apparently, they don't want me to walk.
I've always said that if I love a man, I won't care about how he's built.
I'll stand by that.
A man who can stand my politics, who tolerates my hobbies, who can actually talk to me and engage me in hours of fun conversation is a hard find.
I'm not gonna let a little thing such as having a boyfriend built like a nuclear missile destroy my relationship.
Wow....
I'll figure it out.
First world problems......eh?
This is not something I can solicit advice about. My doctor, my therapist, my friends would probably laugh at me and tell me to suck it up, count my blessings, and deal with it.
It's like bitching that I have too much money.
I'll figure it out.
You can't have too much of a good thing.
Can you?
Sigh....
Maybe bathing in lube and taking huge doses of Advil will help.
*****
Oh, and I learned something else that cracks me up.
Never, ever lend your vehicle to your ex an hour before you meet your love.
This is my second lesson.
My ex wanted to use my van to pick up someone who would recognize my vehicle. I have a bright blue mini-van. It's hard to miss. He has a black sport car, just like every other middle aged man in the neighborhood.
He wanted to make sure the person saw him and accepted a ride from him.
It made sense, so I let him use the car for twenty minutes.
My ex farted in it!!!
He farted in my mini-van!!!!
That was two days ago!!!
I still can't get the smell out!!!
*****
Social networking is starting to creep me out a little bit.
My ex is now having to like every single Facebook post after my love likes it.
So, if I post something slightly sweet or erotic, my love will like it and stamp his name on it.
Within minutes, my ex will do the same thing.
So, I will see the post and [name of ex hubby], [name of love], [names of various friends] like this.
I am about to throw up.
I want to be transparent but it is getting to the point where I don't want to do anything online anymore. Maybe I need to start hiding my posts from my ex.
Jealous men crack me up!!!!
If I piss off my ex any more, I can expect more damage to my car, the house, and the retirement accounts. I am almost to the point of hiring a lawyer.
My ex swears up and down that he's not a stalker. I beg to differ.
He's doing whatever he can to make his presence known.
It's starting to really upset me. I had a panic attack this morning after seeing his name up and down my Facebook page.
I know it is petty. I don't want to let petty behavior get my goat but it is annoying. All my friends know who I love. They know he loves me. It's been a mini-soap opera for a little over two years now.
When my love and I admitted to our relationship, thirty-three friends contacted me to tell me it was about flippin' time that I moved on and ended my denial. That's a lot of people!
My ex can't keep is nose out of it. I am becoming a little bit scared.
If I unfriend my ex, I have no clue what he's capable of doing. If I kick him out of the house, I don't know what he'll do. I am getting to the point of terror when I visit with my friend.
My ex will say it's okay but then he'll go on to raid my bank account, or break something in the house, or damage my car.
This is my fault. I put off the divorce to save my ex $5,000 in taxes. That move cost me $10,000 in retirement funds. I am debating whether or not I want to let the judge know about the financial abuse or just stay silent so I can get away.
I am realizing that divorce does not mean the end of a relationship. It takes two people to decide to get into a relationship. Both people have to agree to get out. If one is a compulsive liar, the other does not know where she stands.
My ex knows I'm in love with another man. He knows that we didn't have a real marriage. He knows that I've been with my friend. I'm not hiding anything. I find his presence in my life stifling at best.
The stalking.....my ex blames his sister for the stalking. I haven't voluntarily seen or spoken to her since 1998. The only contact I have with her is when she is following me or trying to break into my house. I question how she knows which car to put the GPS box on, when I am at work, where I work, where I go to school, when I am home, when I am with a male friend, or where I am going.
Only my ex knew these things. He HAS to be in on the stalking, too.
I know he was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I am beginning to believe that the marriage is a huge ego boost to him. Yesterday, I asked if he wanted me to stay married to him and continue to see my love on the side.
He said "yes!!"
Now, I can't do that. Sex just isn't hot if you can't give yourself up to it completely. Until my divorce is final, I can't give myself 100%. It's like getting shushed during lovemaking. If you can't let go and give in 100%, it's just not worth your time.
I find myself counting down the remaining weeks. I have five to go until the final hearing.
I'm going to spend the morning praying about how to stop the madness.
If I piss off my ex any more, I can expect more damage to my car, the house, and the retirement accounts. I am almost to the point of hiring a lawyer.
My ex swears up and down that he's not a stalker. I beg to differ.
He's doing whatever he can to make his presence known.
It's starting to really upset me. I had a panic attack this morning after seeing his name up and down my Facebook page.
I know it is petty. I don't want to let petty behavior get my goat but it is annoying. All my friends know who I love. They know he loves me. It's been a mini-soap opera for a little over two years now.
When my love and I admitted to our relationship, thirty-three friends contacted me to tell me it was about flippin' time that I moved on and ended my denial. That's a lot of people!
My ex can't keep is nose out of it. I am becoming a little bit scared.
If I unfriend my ex, I have no clue what he's capable of doing. If I kick him out of the house, I don't know what he'll do. I am getting to the point of terror when I visit with my friend.
My ex will say it's okay but then he'll go on to raid my bank account, or break something in the house, or damage my car.
This is my fault. I put off the divorce to save my ex $5,000 in taxes. That move cost me $10,000 in retirement funds. I am debating whether or not I want to let the judge know about the financial abuse or just stay silent so I can get away.
I am realizing that divorce does not mean the end of a relationship. It takes two people to decide to get into a relationship. Both people have to agree to get out. If one is a compulsive liar, the other does not know where she stands.
My ex knows I'm in love with another man. He knows that we didn't have a real marriage. He knows that I've been with my friend. I'm not hiding anything. I find his presence in my life stifling at best.
The stalking.....my ex blames his sister for the stalking. I haven't voluntarily seen or spoken to her since 1998. The only contact I have with her is when she is following me or trying to break into my house. I question how she knows which car to put the GPS box on, when I am at work, where I work, where I go to school, when I am home, when I am with a male friend, or where I am going.
Only my ex knew these things. He HAS to be in on the stalking, too.
I know he was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I am beginning to believe that the marriage is a huge ego boost to him. Yesterday, I asked if he wanted me to stay married to him and continue to see my love on the side.
He said "yes!!"
Now, I can't do that. Sex just isn't hot if you can't give yourself up to it completely. Until my divorce is final, I can't give myself 100%. It's like getting shushed during lovemaking. If you can't let go and give in 100%, it's just not worth your time.
I find myself counting down the remaining weeks. I have five to go until the final hearing.
I'm going to spend the morning praying about how to stop the madness.
Life is getting interesting!!!
I am beginning to get angry over the manipulations. I really am.
I am beginning to get angry over the manipulations. I really am.
Love ya,
S.