Warped Gratitude Blog

&<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">lt</span>;div style="text-align: left;">&<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">nbsp</span>;&<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" style="background: yellow;">lt</span>;/div>     Today I am thankful for hairdressers.     The other day my daughter woke up with a haircut reminiscent of Cyndi Lauper.  She had woke up in the middle of the night and taken scissors to the right side of her head.      I freaked out.  She told me she didn't cut her hair and didn't understand what happened.    You can always tell when people lie to you, they stare deep into your eyes and don't blink.    S...

Today I am thankful for bad legal advice; it makes the aggressive lawyers seem more palatable. Okay... I spoke to my friend in the legal field.  I wrote about him not too long ago.  He's the one who has the same name as another friend that I am praying finds a hot girlfriend.  He spent over a half an hour on the phone with me.  He gave me the absolute worst legal advice in the world.  He told me to stay in a sexless marriage that's been on the rocks 90% of the time with a man who is financially and emotionally abusing me because it is romantic that he won't allow me to work or go to school due to his desire to take care of me.  It gets better... If I divorce, I am going to have to consider paying him palimony because he let himself get obese and he probably has a heart condition now.  My autoimmune disorder apparently is meaningless.  It gets better still..... If I divorce, I'll never find anyone to date me bec...

Today I am thankful for blogs as they provide a useful form of documentation should the crazy people in my life get crazier.   Before 2008, my blogs were boring.  I wrote about sex, hypnosis and politics.  I wrote about how hot it was being a vegan and watching a man eat pizza.  I'd write for hours pondering why I liked watching that only to figure it out when I hit 'publish'.  That is the most vanilla thing I could never figure out.  I have an ex who likes to eat pizza when we meet.  I think he found my blog.  I'd write about how hot men with beards were.  Again, it would take hours of typing to actually figure out why.  That ex has a beard now.....oh, myyyyy. Ditto for bald guys.  I wrote about the perils of aging and how driving on the interstate at night reminds me of the star field seen in the Peter Davidson's Doctor Who Intro.  Yeah, if I'm not paying attention, I may just see a fac...

Today I am thankful for friendship. I woke up with a fever today.  It was horrible.  When I'm sick, I have to clean.  It is weird.  It's like I get all flippin' delusional and think that if I bleach everything in sight the germs that have invaded my body will go away.  I wasn't alone today.  My teenage daughter would not let me clean.  I have a dear friend from high school.  He's a lot like me.  He has OCD.  He's intuitive.  He's the one that used to have a cigarette whenever we'd start talking dirty.  He's stopped smoking, so now I'm afraid to talk to him.  What will he do now that both hands are free?  Oh, lordy.... He let me in on a secret today.  It's obvious that I'm depressed.  This is why he and a couple of other guys from back in the day are contacting me.  I was informed that the girl he used to know would never give up something she wanted for a man....

Today I am thankful for HIM. I tend to hate Thanksgiving and Christmas.  They remind me of HIM.  He is my first love.  He flits in and out of my life during times of distress.  I don't quite understand the emotions that I trigger in him when he sees me.  It's a cross between love and disgust.  He's really gentle around me yet I make him impatient.  The last time I saw him, he had a broken leg.  I was running late to a lunch appointment with him and I swear I saw him tapping his cast on the cold ice as he waited for me to cross the street.  I dream of him once in a while.  I usually see him when I meditate during the holidays.  I figure one of two things are happening when the dreams occur.  It could be that dreams of him bring me a sense of comfort.  He is a reminder of innocent days gone by.  He is a reminder of friendship at a time when my life fell apart.  During our sho...

Today I am thankful for garbage dumps.   I had numerous phone calls yesterday from two different numbers five minutes apart.  I had no idea who the calls were from.  They've been calling quite a bit over the past couple of days.  Each number averaged five calls in the span of half-an-hour. I turned off my cell phone.  Now, my sister-in-law likes that trick.  She'll call constantly to, as she puts it, "force me to talk to her".  If that doesn't work, she'll stalk me.  When that doesn't phase me, she'll harass people associated with me and spread gossip.   She has also been known to recruit other people to do her dirty deeds.  She's fairly dangerous.  She likes guns.  She's been known to harass my associates with them.  I fear for the people she comes into contact with.  I truly believe that her and her brother are narcissists to an extreme.  They were both golden children who coul...

  Today I am thankful for entertaining deals with devilish Scorpios because they make me laugh.       I have an adorable Scorpio friend.  We met five years ago.    We would play metaphysical mind games with each other.  We'd astral travel and report back what we dreamt about via the telephone.    Sometimes we dreamt the same things.    Other times we did not.  We go into trances and talk about past lives that we may or may not have had together.  It's like having a shared hallucination.    This friend is a lot of fun.    He's got his eye on an adorable brunette.  He wants to hang out with her and I'm trying to keep him from  ending up in the friend zone.  I told him my little story about not knowing that I was dating some guy until he got hurt.  He needs to be straight with his lady love so the same thing does not happen to him....

Today I am thankful for fate, love and my stupidity.       I think I fell in love with a friend a couple of months ago.  Eros had his bow ready, he aimed and he fired.  I thought I was the only one that got shot.      But, no....I was flirting with another guy and my friend's jaw dropped.  He was obviously hurt.      Then, when asked by another person why I became an activist, I told the truth.  My ex had a crappy adventure with the local government.  The government lawyers, cops and bureaucrats drove me batty and I took control.  My friend was standing next to me and when I mentioned my ex's name he got incredibly quiet.      It's been awkward since.   I really like being around him.  He is comfortable with silence.  I don't get that very often from anyone.  When we do find ourselves talking, it's like we have the...

Today I am thankful for creme filled snacks. Hostess is going out of business.  The Republicans are blaming the unions.  Yeah...right.... They'd be better off blaming Michelle Obama and her war on sugar.  Hostess filed bankruptcy in January and floated the idea of liquidation back then.  Google it if you don't believe me.  The union employees probably didn't want to take a pay cut and impact their unemployment benefits.  We all know this isn't the end of Ding Dongs, Twinkies and cement laden Wonder Bread.  Some marketer will buy the brand and the recipes and move the operation to Mexico or somewhere cheaper to produce crappy snack foods.  You know, I've never had a snowball.  I guess I should go buy one.  They always looked a little perverted to me.  As a kid, I didn't find the look appealing but now.....it isn't all that bad.  Sigh.... I stopped eating that crap when I b...

Today I am thankful for Scorpio eclipses and being schooled in witchcraft.  I am in a bratty mood today.   As stated in an earlier post, I wanted to get lost in another town.   I chose to get lost in Denver.   Denver.... It has now become the land of greedy cowpoke politicians.   Now, I like cowboys.   As a teenager, I married a rancher.   He taught me to never name my food.   I made friends with one of his cows.   I named him Angus after my favorite Scottish guitar player.   He had it slaughtered as a wedding present.   I was vegan.   We lasted eighteen months.   His mistress hung out with us during our honeymoon.   It was creepy. I was young and stupid. On the bright side, I was so well rested.   He was from Washington state.  The land of ranchers.  The land of rain.  The state without an income tax.  ...

Today I am thankful for karma.   I am a horrible person.  I let him kiss me yesterday.  I did it out of pity.  He has the flu now.  I am horrified at myself because it wasn't his face I saw when I closed my eyes. I know I feel guilty when my diet consists of nothing except chocolate.   The flu is his karma. My snug jeans are mine. I've got to stop this craziness.  On the bright side, he'll never try to do that again.  I'm feeling icky.  It could be the flu.  It could be guilt.  I don't know.  Whenever I get sick and see doctors or shrinks they do me little good.  They give me drugs.  I never get well.  I usually see Shamans.   I fear what they'd do to pull me out of this mess.  I feel played.  I don't understand this guy.  He only wants me when I want someone else.  Then he won't let me go.  He complains and whines when I'm in...

Today, I am thankful for disposable gloves and hand sanitizer. So, I think the stalker has taken a turn for the worse.  At least it looks that way.  There was a pair of bloody underwear sitting atop my garbage can today, in the middle of my backyard.  They were not mine.   They are cotton with purple and white horizontal stripes. I prefer cotton undies with lace tops.  I like to wear solid colors.  Besides, I wear St. Eve underwear because the name reminds me of my crush. The only pair I have that are not Hanes or St.Eve have little cupcakes on them because I wear them with the fantasy that I'll get a lick of icing someday.  That is the same reason I wear my Christmas undies with pictures of mistletoe on them...... all..... year....  long.  Someday, I'll get a kiss.  Horizontal stripes?  I'd never wear those.  They make my butt look big.  The un...