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The Living Dead Getting Back to Life


Today I am thankful for scalding hot baths. 


Yeah....

So....

Um.....

I unwrapped that silver charm from Ireland. 

I've got to get rid of it. 

Um....

I don't like the new dreams at all. 

So - I started off having one of those dreams of Mr. Stoic from the past that I've had over the past few months.  Then the scene faded into an even more disturbing scene.  

It's a dream of a socially inept political activist in my bedroom.  He's dressed but I'm still disturbed by my subconscious mind taking me there. There is literally nothing in my home for this person.  I can't describe him, what he does or anything or people will know who he is. 

He behaves strangely in relation to me.  It wasn't always this way.  When I was married, he was nice.  He tried to get me business building political websites (it's only a hobby for me).  After I divorced,  his behavior became bizarre.  I will say that he did the one thing you don't do to an INFJ, the last time I spoke to him, he got drunk and chastised me publicly for wanting to stop a government tax scheme to build a private hotel.  I think he forgot my political stance.  He obviously forgot his own. I avoid this man like the plague because it's not worth my breath to try to correct him. 

This is both puzzling and disturbing for me. 



*****

So - maybe my mind is trying to tell me that there really is no one worth dating.  I'm going to have to come to terms with that.  I'm picky.  I'm not pretty enough to be picky. 

I've never really dated.  My few lovers have always been close friends who ask for benefits.  When I try to date, it turns into a nightmare. 

Since the only people I hang out with now are women, my intimate life is dead. 

I think I understand the point of the dreams**....

At least I can remember that I once had the opportunity to love at some point in my life.  I had the experience.  I'm a lucky person. 

Without men in my world, what am I going to do with all this beautiful free time? 

We are born alone.  We die alone.  I was raised apart from my siblings.  Alone - well, that's the story of my life. 

I may as well enjoy it.  

*****

I have a busy day tomorrow at Fort Logan.  I may not have time to visit other cemeteries.  I guess it will depend on whether or not I can sleep without creepy dreams. 

There is too much too do. 

Old ladies don't really have a lot of time. 

Love ya, 

S. 

** NEXT MORNING EDIT: As usual, I couldn't sleep.  I tried to meditate to help me fall asleep and asked how to rid myself of the love and sexual energy.  There was a visualization of Poseidon with his Trident surrounded by this realm - the stormy seas.  He would take the energy from me and ask Aphrodite to find me an appropriate outlet to recreate these feelings for me when the time was right. 

I had no creepy dreams after that. 

I slept nearly a full eight hours. 

There are no pangs of worry, guilt or fear. 

I'll still light the white candles through November with the same wish as always. 

Finally....at this moment, I feel like myself again (except that I cannot see - stupid bifocals). 

I'm running late for the graveyards. 

((( hugs ))) 

S. 





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