The dreams are still there. I have the dreams every night but do not remember too many details about them now. They're probably just a sign and a signal to continue to pray. When the prayers are answered the dreams will stop.
It's okay to love. Even as it is unrequited, it may be able to help me find a lesson and/or create art.
Outside of prayer, there really isn't anything else I can do. I ordered a personalized gift to keep in my car just in case I run into him. I may make a handmade card (if I can find the materials just in case) because the stuff at Hallmark is just too damn sweet, suggestive and emotional.
If he lucks into never seeing me, I can donate it to Goodwill or something.
*****
There is just too much to do.
I need to get a new name for my business due to my upcoming license and changes to the practice of psychotherapy that will go into effect on April 1. I have a couple of names in mind. The changes may necessitate that I have TWO separate businesses (one for hypnosis coaching and one for addiction psychoeducation and counseling).
I'm looking for a new job, too. My hours are strange and I need to find a job that doesn't make it hard for me to socialize and attend political events.
Every two or three years, I get an offer for a counseling job two hours from Denver. That could be a possibility. There are some amazing political activists in the area and a lot of work to do. I also managed to piss off members of the City Council in this area last year, so they know me - lol!
Of course, there is always a lot of reading and research to do, too.
I also hit a pot hole and think I need to replace a tire rod. My car is a mess.
There is always something to do. I can't allow myself to take any more time to cry over nightmares about someone who hates me.
If I'm too busy to feel, the tears and worry will dry up.
****
I did a risky thing today.
I went shopping for art supplies today without make-up!!
That's something that I haven't done since I was in the public eye.
The best part is that NO one stared! No one screamed. No one fainted! No one taunted me or called me an old lady.
I might do this more often.
Since I couldn't find the supplies that I needed, I'll be doing that sooner than later. If that project works, I'm going to do it with the patients.
Could that have been the reason for the dreams? To inspire me to do something creative with the residents at the facility where I work?
*****
My life is getting more boring and peaceful
There isn't really anything interesting going on yet.
On the bright side, boring simply means drama free.
I still don't know what to make of the dreams - but- I'm thinking that if they don't leave, they may inspire some type of art.
There has to be a lesson from this past that I can bring with me into the future. I just hope I'm not so blind as to miss it.
Love ya,
S.