Skip to main content

Finally Free

 


Today I am thankful that the energy has shifted. 



I finally had a night without nightmares, worry, freaky dreams or visions about a person from my past. 

There were dreams of deep conversations with other men I've know for years - but nothing sexy, dirty or creepy.  These are the kind of dreams I'd be comfortable talking about within earshot of their wives and girlfriends. They were about wins these guys will probably have. 

After four months I'm finally free.  I'm finally me.  

All in all - I think all this has done is bolstered my true faith in the divine.  Perhaps I get the messages because I'll actually pray for the people they involve. 

Perhaps that was the lesson. 

I'll never know. 


*****

I'm still not sure what to think about the dreams of the burned body in the mountains knowing that my colleague drove up to Summit county and self-immolated in his car amongst the trees. 

Was it a coincidence or a premonition? 

It was probably a subconscious reminder to check in more often with the people we love. 

The image of his white Sonata with the yellow caution tape amongst the trees in Summit County is going to haunt me for a very long time. My mind automatically goes to greeting him in the parking lot when we arrived to work and then back to those dreams of a tall, horribly burned body surrounded by pine trees. 

The tears still fall but they are more sporadic now.  

RIP Richard.  

Yes, I'll hunt down some of those foreign movies and watch them in his honor. 

*****

As far as the identity theft, my HR rep caught it before I did and told her contact at Equifax.  Equifax took care of it by contacting the other two credit reporting agencies. I have police report (shocking, actually) and credit monitoring.  

That drama is better. 

*****
That Tarot Card reading finally makes sense. 

All I need to do is get some foam 

so I can prepare myself to get another baby.   

I'm serious - my adult kiddos have stolen what was left of my acoustical foam.  

Once I get my new license, I promised to reward myself with either a soprano sax, an alto sax or an acoustic-electric guitar with a port to make it easy to record on the computer. 

I gave my amp to the neighbor boy so he could practice his bass because the Jazz band isn't meeting anymore due to Covid. 

I may just buy a better amp.  

To someone like me, my musical instruments and recording equipment are children. 

Perhaps that reader was right on target: I'm going to get inspired to get myself another baby. 

Musical instruments are much cheaper than getting knocked up, especially at my age!! 

*****

Things are getting better. 

There is much more mental processing power to take in more research and data. 

I finally have more energy to scheme and ponder how to change the crap that is destroying our way of life. 

Wherever you are, 

may your mind be free of pain and ruminations over people who broke your heart. 

May you also find that which warms your heart. 

I work on all of the major holidays.  This year, I'll celebrate Thanksgiving with recovering addicts and their children. I look into their faces and celebrate the fact that they are still among the living. 

This year there is a lot to be thankful for. 

May you be blessed, 

S. 




Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004.  We ran into her at a Wal-mart in 2005 and my keys went mi

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe.   It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house.  I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling.  I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here.  It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve.  ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb.  The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear.  Fear that he won't honor his financial

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much.  People change over the course of their lives.  Healthy people grow.  Unhealthy people either stay static or regress.  So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies.  If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors.   I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories.  From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory.  A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory.  When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP.  My ex is a ESTP and when he is stressed out