Frustration and Anger

Today I am thankful for anger.

I lost it today.

My lawyer's office called and wanted a third retainer.  They were informed that I was going to begin interviewing other attorneys because nothing has really been done on my case.

I wanted to get a restraining order a while ago and was informed that I wasn't in danger.

Now...mind you, my attorney and his staff are older folks.  He's over 65 as are the majority of the people he associates with.

I flat out said I'm going to the courthouse and I'll get a restraining order.

Why?

My computers have been damaged.  My phones are constantly breaking.  Internet accounts are hacked and I was just informed that my ex-husband wasn't lying when he said he called his cousin and asked her to track down an old flame's mother to return things given to me in 1986.

He did this without my knowledge or permission.

This scares the holy hell out of me because my old flame's mother most be into her 70's by now.  This little factoid got the attention of the people in my attorney's office.

My ex allegedly did this right before this old flame contacted me.  I'm wondering if they approached his mother and that is what triggered the contact.

I'm wondering if Michael just said that to upset me. 

If they bothered her, I wonder if they've left her alone since. 

I wonder if they or anyone else I know is in danger.

I didn't mention the latest round of crap.  There is a lot of crap.  When I type it out, I really realize how stupid and mind-bending it really is.

I love this lady......Wiser words were never spoken.  If you're in a fire, don't waste time.  Get away.

Mind Bender

#1.) I asked my ex-husband to call his mother to ask if he can stay with her.  Surely, she'll need help around the house.  He told me NO because I said that his cousin said he was dead to his mother.  This is where the mind fuckery begins - it begins with twisted sentences like "you said...so and so said....that another person said.....and that's why I get to do whatever the hell I want."

In hypnosis we call that a confusion technique.  If you say complicated stuff to analytical people, the go into trance.

What I said was that his cousin found me at a grocery store shortly after my ex-husband told me to go to the store to get tortillas.  I was supposed to be at work but they gave me the day off with pay. I don't know how he knew that I wasn't at work. I stopped at the store closest to my location.  His cousin met me in the store and told me that Michael was dead to his mother and, basically, that he had to live with me.

I thought my ex-husband, Michael, told her to say that to me to give him an excuse to live here. 

My concern was how she found me.  I wasn't sure if it was a coincidence or another stalking incident.  Mind you, this is the same cousin who allegedly was asked to harass my old flame's mother at her house, at least twenty years after I last dated her son.

Creepy....creepy.....

Crazy Disrespectful Crap

#2.) He apologized for the garage smelling like gasoline and mentioned something about taking gas out of the lawnmower for his van.

He promised to take the kids to school, so I gave him $20 for gas. 

I won't do that again. That was dumb.  Yeah....I'm dumb.

I told him not to park in my garage because I don't want him to do that again.  Besides I need the space to park my broken car. 

The gas thing scares me because my dad was a fireman and having gas all over the floor is a fire hazard.

He's still parking in the garage.  This is not the first time I've caught him and smelled gasoline in my garage.  Maybe giving him money for gas will keep my home from burning down. 



Idiots Colluding with Abusers

#3.) I'm debating filing a complaint against his therapist (with Aurora Mental Health...his name rhymes with the name of the actor who plays the twelfth doctor......Capaldi).  This guy doesn't seem educated enough to deal with abusers as he bills himself as a "men's issues" therapist.  The problem is that abusers use their therapists to excuse their crap.  If I had a dime for every time I heard (a) my shrink thinks your making the stalking up, (b) my therapist says that you can't talk to me about problems we are having because I need to relax, (c) my therapist says that this is an unhealthy situation and you need to just let me stay as long as I need to stay...your needs, desires and wants do not matter even though this is your house and you're paying for everything (implying that it is unhealthy to talk about it and set expectations like adults), (d) my therapist knows you think I'm the stalker but I have to stay because I need a job and he's trying to get me into a job training program (so....I have to be stalked for the benefit of your client? Um....why not try to deal with the lack of responsibility which may be why he can't hold a job...and rewarding bad behavior really does nothing to extinguish it....besides if he'd stop being an abusive dick, he'd have a place to stay until he finds a job.  He can't behave....so.....the job training program probably won't help unless he can utilize it in a homeless shelter).

it goes on and on...

Here is the rub.  My ex has NOT been referred to an AMEND group or any counseling that could help him take responsibility for the abuse.  He comes back empowered to abuse.  It's freaky!

My understanding is that individual counseling alone does little to change controlling men.  They need to get into a batterer intervention program. 

I only have a Masters degree in psychology.....and I was stalked out of my internships...so what do I know? 

I know how to get political shit done. 

At one point, I was told that the City of Aurora was going to give him housing. 

I vow....I flippin' vow to go after the City Council if they do this.  I drive by countless homeless women on my way home from work.  Many of them are victims of domestic violence.  Some of these women were run off from a highway ramp by Aurora cops.  This off-ramp belongs to the State of Colorado.....not the city.   

Help these women first.....Don't reward abusers.

If the city dares give an abuser an excuse and shelter I will put together a group for the sole purpose of working to close down Aurora Mental Health.  After you guys messed around with the ballots for a tax hike initiative to support this poor excuse of a mental health center, I've lost faith in the organization.  

That's a promise from a tea drinkin' Sheila in Aurora.  

This wouldn't be my first rodeo. This cowgirl sure gets tired of dealin' with bull.  When trying to control animals, ya gotta do what the other cowpokes do. 

Let me grab my lariat! .   

Yee Haw! 

I'm not thrilled with Arapahoe House either - letting women get raped on their property and then pushing the cops to arrest the victim so they are too intimidated to sue.... is beyond disgusting.  It's time to find another alternative.  Don't reward abusers with free housing.  Don't award sexist assholes who allow women to get raped with city contracts.

Yeah...maybe the counties (Arapahoe, Douglas, Adams) are better served to provide human services in the area.

Here is another promise.  I made this one in 2009, remember?  If I or the children are injured until such time as I can get this person out of my home, I will sue the city.  I will sue the cops and human resources department for the crap they pulled in 2008 - they fired him for allegedly throwing me into a wall (never happened) and refused to investigate the report.  After that, he became really obnoxious knowing the cops wouldn't do anything and the stalking because more frightening than ever.  I probably won't get too far suing them for not taking police reports for the stalking (but....it would make for some bad press...so I'll throw it in). 

I will sue the therapist for not warning me.  The therapist has got to know my ex is abusive by now....come on....he's living with an ex who knows he's asking his family to stalk her and people connected to her! 

Seriously......I'm wondering if a tiny DORA complaint may cause this guy to get some extra education. I've complained once before about a Master's Level Guardian Ad-Litem.  They forced him to get training.  It's not pretty dealing with someone working outside their scope of practice. 

You don't empower abusers.  You send them to a batterer intervention program so they can answer to their peers.   

If you turn a blind eye to domestic violence, tell me are you able to take action in the face of child abuse? Or do you excuse that as well?



There is more.  I don't really have time to type everything.

I was told by the legal beagles that I need to get more legal advice before getting a restraining order.

This hurts me.

It's not something that I feel I need to do for myself.  It's something that I need to do for other people.

If this guy has information about people from my past, present and future.  They could be in danger.

I feel the need to continue isolating myself and destroying anything from my past to keep people safe.

I pray Michael was lying to me about Tom's mother.

She's Christian.  I don't dare do a protection spell on her, it would be disrespectful.

I'll cast a binding spell on Michael and his family.

I'm sorry.

I had no idea things were this crazy. 

I cry about this a lot.  I'm not sure when it will end.

I keep my head down when I am in public.  I can't make friends.  I cannot talk to people.

I have to be alone.  It's isolating and hurtful.

I had a man approach me with roses yesterday in a grocery store parking lot.  I don't know who he was.  He offered them to me.  I thanked him for making me smile and told him that I was allergic (a lie)....and wished him a beautiful night.

I can't make friends. I can't have other men near me.

This is very maddening and sad.

Have you ever gotten so sick of someone's bullshit that you just throw up your hands and scream "Get Away???!!!"

I'm tired.

I wish it would stop now. 

I'm sick of people colluding to allow it to continue. 

This has made me so crazy that nothing scares me.  Nothing.  I'll do whatever I think will spare other people from this fate.  If therapists need skewered by DORA or a community mental health facility that does more harm than good needs shut down - so be it!

Crap....I've become accustomed to getting harassed.  Running for office and being picked on for being Pagan doesn't really phase me.  Having politicians harass me won't bug me.  I used to fear public speaking more than anything - then I was stalked. 

You don't know fear until you've been stalked.

You know what?  I'll just hire someone to fix my yard to thwart code enforcement (that's how local politicians harass activists - code enforcement).  

Local politicians created this monster.  I would have been happy with my guitars and pendulums if they had just left me alone in the first place....but no....they got greedy and cocky. They stole my money, lied about me and then spread a bunch of gossip they claimed my abuser told them to try to shut me up.

That didn't work, did it? 

I'm becoming the stuff that fill the nightmares of politicians and shitty policy makers who need to learn one lesson: Keep your people in line or someone else will. 

For the people on the city council on the Aurora Mental Health and Arapahoe House board of directors:

Clean up the mess you made before other people see and hear about it.

Give me room to focus on my pendulums and guitars.  The best way to do that would be to stop allowing people to do stupid shit with taxpayer funds that brings you back into my attention. 

Trust me.  You don't want my attention. 

Fix the problem...now.  It's only a matter of time before the secrets blow up in public.


Love ya,


S.