Sad Gifts

Today I am thankful for confusion but thankful that I can identify it.

I am also thankful for the lawyer who offered to help me for free this morning.  I declined.  It took the lawyer more than a month to call me.  In that time, I found a solution that will save my ex $5,000 in taxes. 

The money was put in an IRA.  He was supposed to take it out and give me cash.  I'm going to get an IRA in my name, so he can put the money in my account and save himself the tax bill.

He jumped on the opportunity.  I guess it is a win-win. 

I'll have the money put in my name within 90 days.

He will also sign a modified agreement stating that he will pay back the $14,000 he took so that I can file it with the court.  If the judge agrees, that whole mess will be over.

No lawyer....no contempt charges...he's happy.

I also gave him something, too. 

My ex-husband is going to have bariatric surgery in September.  I said he could stay here to recover.  My thinking is that once he loses weight, he'll have the confidence to date.

It'll work out.  I'm sure of it.

Now, he's being a little too nice about it.

He's buying me expensive gifts.  I've tried to ignore them.

First, he bought me a phone.  It was still sealed in hard plastic, so I do not fear stalking software being downloaded onto it.  He said that he was having a hard time getting a hold of me and thought he'd help by getting me a new phone.

I accepted that gift. 

Last night, I found a one terrabyte drive on my desk.  He said it would help me store my recordings.  I cannot accept that. 

I can't.

I wonder...does he want me back?

I ask because I've had crazy accidents over the past few days. 

I fell and bruised my back.  He keeps asking if I'm okay. 

I sliced my hand last night cleaning the mirror in the bathroom.  I'm anemic, so I bleed horrifically.  It freaked me out.  The kids laughed at me until they saw how much blood I lost. 

He just called to check up on me.

No, the bleeding has not stopped.  I may need stitches. 

What do I do when my ex-husband calls just to check up on me?
Do I answer the phone?

Do I hide?

I answered the phone.  We spoke about how I cannot be with a man who allows his family to stalk me.  I can love him -but- it will have to be at a distance.

This is beginning to make me feel sad. 

Moment ago, I had to leave the computer to answer the door.

It was the postman.  He was holding a small box from Sweetwater.com addressed to my ex-husband.

If I am found hanging in the bathroom with a set of round wounds around my neck, you'll know what was in the box. 

Just kidding....the sad truth is that death is really my only out. 

*****

I may type more depending on how I feel. There is still another man in my life. He's buying me all sorts of stuff, too.

Steve took me guitar shopping. I refused to play, in part, because he offered to buy me an upright, fretless, pogo stick bass.

It was pretty. 

When I actually plucked a string, it had a really full sound. 

 

Still, I can't accept gifts like that.

He bought me a three day pass to a concert. We're leaving tomorrow.

I'm hoping for clarity while on the trip. 

 

He is starting to visualize me with his last name.  He's brought it up a few times.  Typically it comes from my thinking about going back to my birth name in an effort to thwart the stalking.  He thinks I should change it to his. 

I don't know....I don't  know what to make of this.

He is my best friend.  Maybe there is something bizarre about having your girlfriend sport her ex-husband's name (especially when he is behaving as though he is still interested in her).

I don't know. 

I'd better document the gifts and my growing depression and guilt I feel about receiving them.

I'm not sure how this is going to pan out.

Maybe someone will have some peyote at the concert.  That would help me sort it all out.

Love ya,

S.