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Blue Fairy Hallucinations





Today I am thankful for my crazy subconscious mind.




My brain is insane.

Literally....quite insane.

I did a ritual to Aphrodite last night.  It's Tuesday.  I usually honor her love, Ares, on Tuesday.  Today I thought that honoring her would also honor Ares.

I became incredibly tired.

I lay down on the floor in front of my altar.

I opened my eyes.

I saw a blue fairy. 

Yep.....I had a little tiny hallucination.  Maybe it was a lucid dream. 

I'm not sure.

I do know what I am taking from it.

That dream was a conversation.

In that conversation, it was revealed that I am incredibly pissed off at a couple of men in my life.

I am incredibly angry at men who think they can disrespect me.

I am incredibly tired of the game playing, the accusations, the bullshit.

In fact, it's making me negative.

It's making me feel moody.

I don't have time or space for that in my life.


So....

I don't know.

I do know that there are people in this world who have pushed me a tad bit too far.

These are men who have seen me as a nice human being.  They see my softer side.  They see how hard it is for me to come down on anyone's arse.  They see how I struggle with fairness, with decency, and how I want what is just.

Everyone else sees me as a badass. 

In this hallucination, I realized that these men are taking advantage of my good hearted nature.

I am growing tired of it.

If either of these men want to so much as to be my friend, the game playing will stop.

Immediately.

It will stop. 

It will. 

It will have to stop. 

I refuse to play.

I will just avoid those relationships.

If someone wants to keep my money, that's fine.  I'll let karma bite him in the ass.

If his sister's gonna stalk me.  I'm gonna hypnotize her and send a demon after her.  I'm bored.  It's time to conjure somethin' fun.

Superstitious people make me laugh because they screw themselves up believing in supernatural threats.

If someone wants to threaten my reputation, call me names, or be bizarre, they can find someone else.


If they are too busy to talk to me about why I keep pushing them away, they need to stay away.

I know why I fear that man now.

I love him


-but-

I've decided that I am going to be happy.

*****

I have a hard time dancing, being free, being creative, sucking meat, and kissing sensitive parts of muscular things when I am around a hypercritical male.


That non-acceptance under the guise of constructive criticism has gotta stop.



You know, how many other women ask for a naked play date for her birthday?   I thought a day of constructive criticism would get that bullshit out of the way. 

Damn....I probably would have been taken more seriously if I had asked for a diamond. 


Sigh...


It's a game.


I'm tired of games.

*****




The best way to piss off a game playing man is to be happy despite the bullshit.

I am happy when I am not near someone I cannot trust to play games.
I'm not sure I can ever get over that. 
That's okay. 
Perhaps it's not meant to be.
Whether or not that romance is real, my life is.
I'm tired of being bored.

What a dream!

What a wise fairy!  

What great insight from a dream!

Let's see if I can keep the positive momentum going.

Love ya,

S.




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