Today I am thankful that I am learning how to master the art of the crazy dance.
Yeah....I am.
The crazy dance is what one does with controlling people who want to take over our lives.
I'm realizing that the secret is to give them the illusion of control.
So, that is what I am going to do.
I'm going to play nice and give my ex-husband the illusion of control.
He can post whatever he wants on my social media accounts.
I'll cook whatever he wants for dinner.
I'll still scrub the stains out of his clothes.
I won't bitch if he doesn't follow through on the court orders.
I get to sleep alone in my bed.
He doesn't want sex or hugs.
He wants me to be a mother to him.
This isn't a bad thing.
At least, I think this is what he wants.
I know he wants to be seen as the good guy.
I know he doesn't want to leave me in a lurch.
I know he doesn't want to have to pay me alimony and child support.
I know he is trying to be kind and nice and helpful.
I know that some of the things he is saying about Steve are projections and this is helping me find insight and closure that I never had before.
I guess it is a good thing.
The kids seem to enjoy having him around. He buys ice cream. He buys chocolate (probably because I'm crying all the time). He rents movies for them. It's okay.
I guess.....it's okay to try to make the most of a situation.
It IS awkward when I post something about stalking on Facebook and my ex-husband likes the post.
I'm going to let him control the little stuff. The longer he sits in his basement apartment playing on Facebook, eating his dinner, and dripping oil on his clothes.....the more time I have to look for a job.
It seems like a good plan.
And, the whole bizarre thing about Steve's claim that I depicted my ex-husband as a troll has led to a funny development.
I now get asked those dreaded "questions three" when I want something. The questions tend to hail from the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." I guess I should watch the clip so I can memorize the answers.
Hmmmmmm.......again....the little games keep him busy. I have more time for writing, recording, and building websites.
I like the troll game better than walking on eggshells to keep the rage away game.
He has even updated his social networking pictures to the face of a troll. He's having a lot of fun with the idea that I depict him as a troll.
The only reason I brought it up was that I feared hurting his feelings.
He scoffed at the idea.
So.....I guess I shouldn't worry about that anymore.
Yes, I am depressed that things aren't going the way I envisioned.
Yes, I still cry myself to sleep and wake up at 4:00 to freak out and cry some more.
I'm hoping that the tears finally finish so I can find a way to solve this issue in a manner that makes everyone happy.
The first requirement is for me to find a job that pays $40K. I have an interview tomorrow. I'd better go polish my curriculum vitae.
Wish me luck.
Love ya,
S.