Today I am thankful that I realize what love is: It is NOT giving up on someone.
I don't want to say exactly what is going on.
I don't want to have my therapist hat on today. It is really hard not to do that given my training and life experience.
Someone I love is having paranoid delusions; my guess is that they are due to alcohol or depression.
I tend to work with creative types (artists, musicians, entrepreneurs) and help them overcome mental blocks. The bulk of my experience in health psychology tends towards motivation (weight loss and smoking cessation). In the psych world, I get the easy jobs because my clients tend to be highly motivated for change. I don't get court ordered people resistant to change. I get people who want the best in life and are willing to pay for it.
I don't deal with neuroses, personality disorders, and the really heavy stuff. At most, I've taken maybe ten seminars on these things after getting my graduate degree. I only did that so I could recognize people in dire straits and refer them elsewhere.
Delusional disorders are not my domain.
I have studied them.
Sometimes people will mimic paranoia when trying to work though persecutory incidents from their past experience. It's just like people who marry drunks when trying to work through the alcoholism of an opposite sex parent. We subconsciously do things to try to resolve inner conflicts. I guess it is our subconscious mind's way of releasing old baggage.
I know this isn't a personality disorder. I know it is due to stress. I am wracking my brain trying to think of things I would suggest to a client to do to support a significant other undergoing the same things.
I've never had a client in this position. Perhaps I need to see one of my colleagues. I know....I know....I'll ask my office mate.
The funny thing is that I had slated the day to build my website. The servers have been down since last night. I can't build it. I got it looking really nice and then the servers blew. UGH!!!
Luckily, I have more than one webhost and my domains are pointed to a working server.
As of this moment, I have nothing to do except clean and think.
It must be fate.
I am NOT going to work on my websites today.
I did manage to create a spiffy looking resume. Then all I could do was cry. I feel horrid because I am not as available as I would normally be to the people I love because I am stuck here in this situation.
It is a painful place to be.
So, how would one support another person suffering from persecutory delusions?
I guess one would take this person away from the stimuli; no more conspiracy theories, no more political events with right wing Republicans who talk about the Rothchilds, no more exposure to my paranoia.
That means, I have to start carrying my taser and Glock so I can scare my stalker away. Truth be told, I haven't seen her for several weeks now. I think it is done. She has taken a couple of years away from it only to return. Remember this has gone on since 1992. There was a tiny lull in it between 2003 and 2004.
I guess I should do what I need to do to help him feel secure in the relationship. I was celibate for seven years and six months. I really am not interested in finding anyone else.
Maybe if I weren't so paranoid, this person wouldn't feed off of my energy.
I guess one would find a way to minimize stress.
I guess one would go hiking, get out of town for a weekend, be open to reality checking and that kind of thing. It could help to simply his or her daily life.
Positivity could help, too. Maybe asking if this person wants to volunteer at a soup kitchen, or collect toys for needy kids, or something that could keep his or her mind too busy to read into everything.
If paranoid delusions are a form of daydreaming, I suppose one could daydream about better and more positive things.
It could also point to something that this person doesn't want to face. Sometimes when people get paranoid about one thing, it is because they are worried about a betrayal that is a true possibility.
I guess I should ask this person what possibilities are brimming in his or her subconscious mind. I will tell you that I had to exercise a lot of restraint to not hypnotize this individual to get the answer.
I'm proud of me.
I'll spend the day thinking about this. Damn....I wish I would have paid better attention in my Abnormal Psych classes.
I started this blog to track my stalking experiences. I mean, I was having dreams that I would end up shot. That turned out to be a very real fear after I learned that my sister-in-law menaced a neighbor with a gun. I still write about what is going on just in case something happens to me because I figure that the first thing the cops are going to do is go through my computers. They would see these posts and they could probably corroborate what I write with what I've discussed with officers on the telephone. Right now, I don't want the wrong person implicated. I keep track of what happens in my life so people know what is going on.
There is a little jealousy. If anyone reads my emails and Facebook conversations should I kick the bucket, they will see who is angry about the situation and who is trying to help me problem solve it.
My friend's paranoia is teaching me that I have to focus on solving my issue. It is probably the reason that it is hitting so hard. It is an elephant in the room. I need to take care of it NOW. If for any other reason than I cannot be available to comfort or support anyone else if my own life is in complete disarray. Maybe when the rainy season is over and the clouds finally lift, I'll be back to my normal loving self.
I have so much love to give. Why am I stuck in my bed all alone and in tears?
Love ya lots,
S.