Skip to main content

Sleeping Pills

Today I am thankful for sleeping pills.


I have been exhausted of late.  I am having a tough time sleeping.  I fall asleep around midnight.  I wake up around four and hallucinate that I am talking to djinn. 


No, they do not grant wishes. 


They give me advice.


I think my subconscious mind thinks it is a genie.


I am being told that the things I think are true are lies.


I am being told that I am being manipulated by my ex-husband.


*****

I spent the past six hours having an absolute stupid argument. 

I wanted my ex-husband to tell me how and when he wanted the actual separation to take place.

He wanted me to stop seeing Steve.

So.....we went rounds.

He wants to stay in this house until I find a good paying job. 

I am afraid to look for a permanent job so long as he lives here due to the fact I'm being stalked by his sister.

I haven't really spoken to his sister since 1999, so I don't know how she knows the things she knows about me.  How does she know what I look like?  How does she know where to find me?

He has to be telling her things about me. 

This is when the argument gets crazy. 

My ex-husband will admit to not wanting me to work.  He will admit to sabotaging me.  He will admit to controlling the money and the cars.  He will admit to doing this so he can stay with me.

Today he admitted to putting off filing the taxes because he wanted me to agree to go to marital counseling with him when the refund arrived.  I need the refund to pay the rent on my office space.

Marital counseling?  We've been divorced three months!!!

He will admit to trying to keep me with him.  He will not admit to the stalking. 


Okay....


He also admits that he had no intention of divorcing me and that this is why he hasn't followed the agreement. 


This makes me tired. 


I don't know what to do. 


I'm going to go to sleep and hope to have another conversation with my djinn.


What should I tell him?


Hmmmmmmm......


If I had three wishes, what would they be? 

Money?
A job?
and world peace?

I don't know....

Maybe I should ask for money, a job in another state, and a hobby so I can ignore my ex-husband?

Maybe what I need is good advice.

I don't know exactly what I want. 

I guess that is the problem. 

I don't know what I want. 

If I knew, I'd go get it for myself. 

I am tired.  I am confused.  I want to go off and hide in a cave. 

Help!!!

Love ya,

S.


ļ»æ

Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....
Read more

Temporary Ending

Dear Readers: Over the past three weeks, I attended both a city councilperson's town hall and the mayoral town hall. Despite battling the flu, I dedicated two days to watching all available city council meetings and study sessions on YouTube in between bouts of cold chills. What I observed was a troubling pattern of disregard for honesty and disrespect towards citizens, the rule of law, and the influence of partisan politics. It has become evident that certain issues transcend the scope of a mere community art project. This realization prompted me to raise my voice, a departure from my usual composed demeanor. After discussing the situation with my family, we collectively decided to remain in Aurora. It is clear that true leadership entails making tough decisions rather than simply following personal desires. I look forward to the opportunity to address these concerns further in a different forum. Warm regards, S.  P.S. There will be a new website. 
Read more

Visiting the Graveyard in my Hometown and Addressing Fears I'll Soon Join the Party

 Today I am thankful for a laugh.  It didn't start out funny.  My aunt visits once a week to use the washer and dryer.   My new dryer broke just a few days out of warranty so we dried her clothes outside. While standing outside, she took me aside an said "I don't want to alarm you, but....." then she got silent.  I pointed at the shed.  "Are you worried about all the stuff pulled out of the shed?", I asked.  "Yes.", she replied.  "That happens all the time!"   She advised me to chain the door.  I've done that.  The thief just tears the roof off.  It's easier just to keep crap in it I don't care about so the thief can rummage and take what he or she wants.  Again, I was advised to consider moving, especially after finding a full gas can in the mess.  My aunt is afraid my ex-husband is going to kill me.  I've been court-ordered to live here for another two years.  Sigh.... I'm sure a judge would allo...
Read more