Skip to main content

Sleeping Pills

Today I am thankful for sleeping pills.


I have been exhausted of late.  I am having a tough time sleeping.  I fall asleep around midnight.  I wake up around four and hallucinate that I am talking to djinn. 


No, they do not grant wishes. 


They give me advice.


I think my subconscious mind thinks it is a genie.


I am being told that the things I think are true are lies.


I am being told that I am being manipulated by my ex-husband.


*****

I spent the past six hours having an absolute stupid argument. 

I wanted my ex-husband to tell me how and when he wanted the actual separation to take place.

He wanted me to stop seeing Steve.

So.....we went rounds.

He wants to stay in this house until I find a good paying job. 

I am afraid to look for a permanent job so long as he lives here due to the fact I'm being stalked by his sister.

I haven't really spoken to his sister since 1999, so I don't know how she knows the things she knows about me.  How does she know what I look like?  How does she know where to find me?

He has to be telling her things about me. 

This is when the argument gets crazy. 

My ex-husband will admit to not wanting me to work.  He will admit to sabotaging me.  He will admit to controlling the money and the cars.  He will admit to doing this so he can stay with me.

Today he admitted to putting off filing the taxes because he wanted me to agree to go to marital counseling with him when the refund arrived.  I need the refund to pay the rent on my office space.

Marital counseling?  We've been divorced three months!!!

He will admit to trying to keep me with him.  He will not admit to the stalking. 


Okay....


He also admits that he had no intention of divorcing me and that this is why he hasn't followed the agreement. 


This makes me tired. 


I don't know what to do. 


I'm going to go to sleep and hope to have another conversation with my djinn.


What should I tell him?


Hmmmmmmm......


If I had three wishes, what would they be? 

Money?
A job?
and world peace?

I don't know....

Maybe I should ask for money, a job in another state, and a hobby so I can ignore my ex-husband?

Maybe what I need is good advice.

I don't know exactly what I want. 

I guess that is the problem. 

I don't know what I want. 

If I knew, I'd go get it for myself. 

I am tired.  I am confused.  I want to go off and hide in a cave. 

Help!!!

Love ya,

S.




Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....
Read more

Venus Meditations

  Today I am thankful for my new realization.  In my world, Friday is the day of love (reminds of The Cure - lol).  It's true.  Friday is the day of Venus.  Exhausted as I was after work, I went to my altar and lit a candle asking that my friend find whatever his life is lacking. Then I went upstairs and did my Friday night ritual to Aphrodite.  I lit a candle asking that I gain confidence in my ability to love.  I also ask that I recognize true love.  I was too exhausted to linger so I tried to fall asleep.  Have you been too tired to sleep?  It's horrible.  Your mind goes round and round -  you might recall things that happened recently (like the doctor telling me to be careful because I haven't hit menopause yet and I say, "not worried about it" while thinking that it's a good time to be in a sexual drought - hooray for me),  or things going on at work  (that I can hypnotize little cranky babies to sleep without sa...
Read more

My Competition

Only our best friends and greatest teachers will have the courage to say those uncomfortable things to help us get out of the mud and back on our paths.   Today I am thankful for my competition. I love being a hypnotist because I have the most wonderful colleagues in the world. I bought a refresher Stop Smoking Hypnosis Course from another hypnotist trainer.  I bought it because I'm too lazy to create my own business forms.  It comes with the forms.  Usually, I can't read anything this man writes without learning something new.  I figured that I couldn't go wrong investing in his products.  I received the package yesterday.  It was supposed to contain four CDs. I received five.  Do you want to guess what the fifth one was?  It was a hypnosis session entitled "Overcome Your Lost Love." I'm a little bit tickled at that discovery. This is perfect!!! I love this guy's voice.   This is the mo...
Read more