Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful that I noticed how my ex's lies become the truth.   I'm not happy about it.  Frankly, it makes me sick to my stomach.  It doesn't matter what the reality is.....it is what a dysfunctional person thinks it is.  Maybe understanding how that happens can help me create the reality that I want.  ***** I miss my love.  I was having withdrawals, so I invited myself out to lunch with him.  At noon, I met him at a coffee shop across the street from my office.  He bought me hibiscus tea, with little flowers and fruit bits in it.  It was yummy -but- truth be told, I was there for the company.  As we sat at a table chatting, a woman was standing at the door.  This woman looked just like my ex's sister.  Her name is Shannon.  Shannon was 589 pounds, according to news reports.  She lost 300 of it over the past three years.  That makes her nearly 300 po...

Today I am thankful for life's humorous moments. I have a friend who I used to crush on before I met my love.  This friend is a musician and a talent agent.  He lives in [edited out for privacy], so I never get to see him.  He flies out to my city occasionally but I never get enough notice to drop what I'm doing to visit with him.  I don't want to give his name.  Let's see.....we'll call him....hmmmm.....Bob.  Bob recently complained that all the women he dates want a guy with an 10" penis.  Yeah..... Not I....it's too much.  It's like having GG cups and not being able to run a marathon due to the pain.  Once I said that, I think Bob fell in love.  He writes to me all the time and wants to chat via the telephone.  He's trying to set up radio and television interviews for me.  Uh...NO!   I'm hiding from those websites where he contacts me now....

Today I am thankful that I finally understand the story.   I know some of my gurus are going to knock me for needing to understand the story.  I had to get more information before moving on.  I didn't understand this until a couple of hours ago. What happened was someone in the community called me.  He needed a lawyer because his child was caught with drug paraphernalia in his car.  My daughter works in the legal field.  She deals with drug offenses.  I called her.  She asked about the divorce.  She asked if her Dad was still at the house.  She asked if I was going to cook Thanksgiving dinner and whether or not her Dad would be there.  Yes, he's still here. Yes, I'll cook dinner. Yes, he'll be here. Yes, she can show up.  At that moment, I felt guilty for wanting to move on with my life.  My ex's boss mentioned wanting to see me at a Christmas party.  Uh...we are getting divorced.  I...

Today I am thankful for restraining orders and new phone numbers.   I hate to say it.  Years ago, my stalking in-laws would use me as credit references without asking.  It got to the point that my brother-in-law told his creditors that I was his WIFE!!!  Guess whose creditors are calling me now asking for dough? I can barely get my ex to pay his bills.  I cannot afford his brother's debt.  Okay....there is something that I want to say to William D.  If I haven't shaken your hand since 1996, I'm NOT a credit reference.  If the only words I speak to you are to ask you to leave me alone when you are following me around town, I am NOT a credit reference.  If your brother and I sat you down and told you to stop using us as credit references in 1995, I am NOT a credit reference. If I sent you a cease and desist letter in 2001 due to phone harassment, I am NOT a credit reference. If you received a second ...

Today I am thankful for the light of candles.   I realized somewhere around 4:00 a.m. that my ex is probably going to kill me.  He said that he signed the separation agreement because he thought it was a big joke.  It's on file at the court house and he doesn't believe I'll go through with it.  He won't honor it.  He's been calling me his ex since April 2006.  Isn't it time to move on?  He's depressed.  He scares me when he's depressed.  My ex was the treasurer for an issue committee that we helped create back in 2009.  He filed the paperwork when he usually does but tells me that the city council changed the due date.  He missed it and they levied a $150 fine payable immediately. I'm thinking that he purposely did not file with the city clerk knowing that the council would levy a fine.  This is the latest excuse not to honor our separation agreement for another month.  Of course, the city clerk said the...

Today I am thankful that I gave the thirteen idiots that sit at the big desk in Council Chambers an out. At the stroke of midnight, I cursed thirteen dolts; every City Council Member, the Mayor, the City Manager, and the City Attorney.  I used several black candles and a green one.  Why green?  That's the out.  Here is the curse: these people will all suffer bad luck and financial loses until they reverse the damage they've done to the city employees and their families -or- move out of this city never to return.   All they have to do is put forth a resolution denouncing their fines against the employees and return all the money they stole (with compounded interest).   It's no secret what they do.  Men over forty are fined and said to be aggressive.  Women over forty are fined and said not to be team players.  They fine them but will dismiss the fine if they quit.  It is all quite discriminatory.  It i...

Today I am thankful for Tuesdays. Tuesday is the day of Mars.  In the next few minutes, the hour of Mars will be upon me.  It is the day I go to war with people who abuse others. I learned today that the City Council and the City Attorney pushed the City Clerk into levying a fine against my ex.  If she didn't push the fine, she would have been fined hundreds of dollars in cash.  The irony here is that this is the illegal practice I'd been trying to stop since 2008.  I detest it when local governments expect people to follow the letter of their law and rules -but- refuse to follow Federal Employment Law.  That's okay.  The mayor wants the city to become a county.  When I prove that they can't follow Federal law and risk Federal funds, they will lose that bid.   About the fine, the typist did a poor job of typing the letter.  The fine was not $450.  It was $150.  I, a single unemployed moth...

Today I am thankful for black magick.   When the mayor, the city council, and the city clerk start getting in horrid car crashes, that'll be because of my black candles. They illegally fined me $500 again.  Without a hearing, again.  The first time, I blogged and sued.  I only cast a spell to expose wrongdoing.  I did.  I got to learn all about the Mayor and a council person's sex life (together).  That was not intended, so I rescinded the spell.  This time, I'm going cursing.  This time, I won't bother taking back the spells.  The fine had best be gone by the close of business today.  Tomorrow at the witching hour, their asses are grass and I am going toke it! Have fun!  Love, S.  Edit: It's 5:30 on a Friday. The city clerk ignored my call.  Well...........alrighty then.  It is seven days past Halloween.  The veil is still thin.  Black  candles are 7...

Today I am thankful that I can choose celibacy.    I'm trying very hard not to let anyone know that I am still violently ill.  It's probably the aspirin regimen I'm on.    It could also be stress.    I don't know.    I went to the dentist yesterday for my six month check-up.  Apparently, I managed to chew down my back molars.  In six months, they have cracked and split.  I'm going to have to come up with $2,000.00 for crowns.    That's not bad, really.  I mean, it could be worse, I could need four root canals.    Stress, it is a killer!    It ruins your teeth.    I can't hold my food down.  I find myself drinking a ton of Ginger Ale soda.  I think I'm going to start gaining my weight back due to the corn syrup.    This is weird.  I typically don't get so sick to my stomach.    Stress.....don't let it get to yo...

Today I am thankful that I refused an ambulance ride.   It started out innocently.  I spent the past few days reflecting on my experience with Steve.  He always wanted to know my needs in a relationship.  I finally figured them out.  I need safety (you know so I can be free to be me and uninhibited and fun). I need sanity (in the form of truth).  Steve was the only person who gave that to me in abundance.  He always wants to distill everything down into basic truths, even if I end up confronting things I don't want to confront.  I need stability (read NO stalkers, money I can access,  my car not disappearing without warning). Now, for the past three months I've had trouble with breaking out into sweats and having chest pains.  I figured it was the Sudafed that I was taking due to my asthma.  The doctor thought it was due to sugar.  So I stopped eating so much.  I started taking birth control pills...

  Today I am thankful for alone time.   I am actually considering re-embracing my celibacy.  I have spent the past eight years living in a state of exhaustion.  My ex has always been here.  With the stalking, he is always where I was.  It was and still is exhausting.  I never understood why I was so tired until my friend started posting about our personal life on Facebook.  My friend...who is no longer my boyfriend...helped me see the light.  Yeah, he claims I dumped him.  The 'boyfriend' label made him act uncharacteristically.  He tried to do too much for me.  It's not right.  It changed him.  He didn't like doing what he termed "boyfriend shit." I don't like it.  Maybe....someday....If he stops being bizarre, I'll give him the "Best-ie" label.  He had it.  He had more perks from me before he became my "boyfriend."  I'm surprised he doesn't want to go back to the ...

Today I am thankful for catching on to a narcissist on Facebook.   I've found this phenomenon before.  In the past, I found a website which claimed to be run by shrinks researching the phenomenology of living with a narcissist.  On the forum, one got the sickly sense that these so called admins were getting their narcissistic supply reading about the pain of others.  Of course, I had to Google the name of the admins.  One of them is a self-proclaimed narcissist who wrote a book and has a ton of YouTube videos.  His videos and book are informative because they show us what goes on in the mind of a narcissist -but- his theories are warped by his personality disorder. I had this experience on Facebook today.  There is a page called Narcology.  That's cool enough.  They post witty memes from time to time.  A lot of the time they are incredibly negative.  I can't stand to like much of their stuff because my frie...