Today I am thankful for the kindness of average people.
Yeah -
On my way to work today, someone lost a wheel (not a tire) but the metal wheel.
It wound up in front of my car. I had to choice but to hit it (or else I would have hit two elderly women in a small silver car).
My front driver side tire blew and I managed to move to a small median between two on-ramps of the highway.
It was approximately 1530.
It took a few minutes to call my boss. She covered my shift. It was sad because I looked forward to teaching a class. A colleague's birthday present was in my car and I so looked forward to seeing her glow when she got it.
Bummer -
Truth be told, I have been a nervous wreck since I stopped sleeping last summer. Now, with all the death in my life and invented crises of a narcissistic ex, I feel like I am losing my mind.
Meditation helps somewhat.
I know I'm a wreck when I lose everything. In the past couple of weeks, I've misplaced my keys, the office keys, my wallet, my credit cards and even my phone.
When I feel lost all my stuff gets lost.
I sat in the car trying not to cry.
There may have been a panic attack. Yeah, I can ground myself but I still feel as if I'm having an asthma attack when things get ultra scary.
I got out of the car to get my spare tire and jack from the trunk.
This is when I lost my mask.
Sigh -
After about twenty minutes, I met the first angel. He had a biblical name (not gonna type it but it is the name of the one who went into the Lion's Den).
He parked behind me to protect me from the traffic and grabbed the spare tire from me and jacked the car up. He was kind, conservative and worried about me. He said that angels must be watching out for me because he had a feeling he should go this route and stop to help.
Yeah, I was terrified because I was stuck in a very busy place.
He got the decimated tire off but the car was so low to the ground that the spare couldn't role into the proper spot. The man tried to lift the car further but the little jack crumbled and the car fell. I was terrified that he'd be hurt.
No. He thankfully positioned himself away from the car.
Now, the driveline was touching the street. There was no way to get the jack where it needed to be.
The man offered me money to pay for a tow truck. I told him I'd be okay. Besides, the Democrats just sent me $600 that I didn't need. I'll use that to get towed.
He corrected me. No, they've sent $2,000.
Wow....
We bid each other farewell and I got back into the car.
Ten minutes later, a woman with CDOT parked behind me. I'm still in the same place, stuck between the crossroads - two lanes of cars getting onto southbound 225 and one getting on to northbound 225.
She offers her assistance. I try to socially distance from her explaining that I lost my mask. She told me not to worry, she had the vaccine. She has a better jack but due to the high traffic, she wouldn't feel safe trying to change a tire.
I agreed. It would be better if I called a tow truck. She stayed with me about five minutes until I was able to reach someone.
I still had three hours of this nightmare to go.
The tow truck was supposed to arrive in 45 minutes.
I set to sewing a mask. I found an old cloth used to clean eyeglasses and cut the strap off of my purse. I had it made in no time. It was ugly but it did the trick.
While I was sewing: three men and two young women each stopped separately to ask if I needed help. I got out of the car and thanked them telling them that I was waiting for tow truck.
There is hope for humanity.
Another hour passed.
Two firefighters stopped and offered help. They were concerned that I could be hit. I assured them that the tow truck driver was on his way after a little wrangling, the young firefighters left.
I waited. The tow truck driver called but the connection was bad. We couldn't hear each other. He said he'd call back.
After about a half of an hour, I received a text message stating that the issue was completed and he was able to start my car.
I called roadside assistance and told them that I was still stuck on the on-ramp.
They said that they'd send another tow truck.
I waited about ten minutes. At this point, I had been with my car for three and a half hours.
Two police officers came by. They received a report of a woman stuck on the highway and ask if I saw her.
I saw a woman but she wasn't stuck on the highway, she was walking by a hotel on private property. Perhaps the caller was referencing me?
They threatened to tow my car to the impound lot. I showed them the texts and the calls to roadside assistance and the two tow truck companies.
The officer didn't want me to be hurt and it was a miracle my car wasn't hit. The way he said it made me realize that he saw me as a little old lady. Truth be told, he was probably younger than my kids.
The officer called for a tow truck anyway.
At this moment, the tow truck driver arrives and decides he can have my car lifted and put on the spare.
The officers position their cars to shield the tow truck driver. In five minutes, the job is done. They refuse money.
Shaken, I drove to a parking lot to collect myself before driving home. My feet and hands were cold. I was so thirsty that I felt faint.
There was a call from the insurance company. The first tow truck driver said that he had gone to a clinic just feet from the freeway. I could see the clinic from my car. He said he helped someone in a Buick start her car.
I wondered - could this have been an answer to a prayer?
For weeks, I've been wondering how I can be useful to the Divine.
The prayer is literally that line from a song "However do you want me. However do you need me?"
I need to be careful with that. This wasn't so safe. I think Divinity has a sense of humor. Maybe I should ask to help others in a way that is safe, less freakish and won't be inconvenient to my boss and colleagues.
Maybe that woman needed help. She got it. It was free because of my insurance policy.
(I'd hate to think the tow truck driver lied).
Wow -
Oh, and the place where my car landed was just feet from the area where the homeless live. I just couldn't cross the six lanes of speeding traffic to visit with them.
Maybe I was where I needed to be.
I took a lot of pictures. I got a picture of the sunset over the mountains. I got a picture of my Buick with a decimated front end. I almost took a picture of a sign that read "Homeless - need shelter."
I was afraid to get out of the car to get a good shot.
Maybe I'll come back and add to this post if I can come up with some more insight.
Please be safe and take care of yourself.
****
There was one amazing lesson.
I never have time to answer my phone.
In that car, I did.
It's surprising what happens when you make yourself available.
People reached out to me with the most amazing things.
Someone asked if I was interested in a job just perfect for someone I know who lost hers.
She is the one filling in for me tonight. I sent it to her.
There has to be a way for me to get better about answering my phone without disrupting my patients.
******
This writing probably makes no sense. I'm going to have to sleep early so I can wake up and drive my car with one little donut to my mechanic to have it serviced.
I'll be lucky if I still have a job tomorrow.
If not, I think it's because I've been called to help the homeless.
May you find your niche and be happy and fulfilled.
Love ya lots,
S.
Edit two days later:
I realized that I did not add the two police officers to the number of rescuers I had. That means ELEVEN people did what they could to try to help me - despite Covid.
In Aurora, employees can be fined for just about anything. I wrote to the office to ask if I could send a couple of Starbucks gift cards to the officers and was told there were rules against that. I don't want them illegally fined and harassed.
They just got a nice email to put in their files.
Sigh -
My car is going to the shop today.
Despite the pictures, my boss doesn't seem to believe that this happened. There was an ambush meeting with vague concerns about my "low energy", that I "don't fit in" as well as my desire to help homeless addicts. I wanted to take a volunteer opportunity to build a current list of resources to share with the Case Manager and my friend who runs the homeless non-profit.
To be sure, there are some ethical problems with the company. Nothing reportable but concerning. There are things going on that could potentially lead to grievances or lawsuits down the road. I figured it was because everyone was new and it was a training issue.
It's probably that I like to honor state law. If I don't like a law, I'll work to change it.
Not everyone is a rule follower. For the past few months, there was pressure for me to work an additional 16-20 hours per week as an intern at no pay even though I'm a full-time hourly employee. This would be training that I was promised prior to my goal of getting my addiction license. Now that they believe they can train me and put to me to work at no cost, the training was taken away.
I'm trying to warn my boss that this is not legal anymore due to changes in the tax code and urged my boss to check in the the State wage and hour department.
I will not do anything that will put me in a position of power of another entity. This would give me cause to sue for back pay and overtime. It's unethical to do this knowing what I know. The safest thing to do is to seek a practicum/internship elsewhere to avoid that power dynamic.
Besides her vague concerns about "my energy" are my cue to exit. What my boss claims is "low energy" others see as "calm energy" (which keeps unstable patients from raging from long periods of time in my presence).
Just know - if a manager gives you vague concerns and refuses to answer questions requesting specifics or to give you a game plan for improving, this person is either a bully or has a personal issue with you.
As someone who used to run a Workplace Bully website, I want to let you know that when this happens you have a 77% chance of being fired or forced to quit. You only have a 5% chance of staying in your position. There is a higher likelihood that you'll be demoted or punished. If your company is benevolent and rare, you may be offered a transfer to another department.
The best course of action is to simply polish up your resume and exit stage left.
((( Hugs )))
S.
Edit three days later:
Well, my car suffered $1,400 worth of damage. It wasn't safe to drive (yet I drove it anyway). The brakes were damaged as was the suspension. I'm stuck with Uber for the next few days.
My boss called me in her office. I got a raise (gonna need it) and she gave me an idea to help the homeless while keeping my job.
I'm a little confused. I thought I was Debbie Downer.
Maybe she just had a bad day. It happens to the best of us.
I'll try to keep an open mind.
Love ya,
S.