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Depressed Siegfred




Today I am thankful for realizing that I'm depressed. 

For the first time in five years, I am wearing the clothes from high school. 

Still kinda look like a stuffed sausage in them but they aren't ripping out and my flab isn't hanging over the waistband. 

I'm going to eat salad until I lose another 20 pounds. 

Because I've lost two dress sizes in the past few months, I'm taking all of my clothes out of storage. 

I'm also starting to get clothes I ordered for myself after I lost the first five pounds.  I bought them from China (yeah...for shame...but they're cute so stuff it).  It took a long time to get here. 

They're too big now.  

Luckily, I know some people who will love brand new free clothes! 

As I'm cleaning out my room, I'm realizing that I'm depressed. 

I have hordes of shoes (many of them are identical and still have tags). 

I have hordes of clothes (also....many are exactly the same just different sizes). 

I have far too much jewelry (some are copies of others). 

These things have pretty much come into my possession since I swore off dating. 

I'm thinking I'm buying a bunch of crap to fill a gaping void in my world. 

There was a time when I only owned three pairs of shoes.  I was happy with three pairs of shoes. 

Those are the days I long for. 

On the bright side, I have about twenty black wrap dresses.  My uncle's funeral is tomorrow so at least I know I have something to wear. 

****

I still sleep with bay leaves under my pillow - which causes me not to remember my dreams....this makes me happy!

Bay leaves are supposed to give you dreams of your future lover.  I have no dreams.  \

This is AWESOME! 

Must be what freedom feels like! 

Before the bay leaves, I used to dream about having a BBQ party in which women are taking piles and piles of clothes, bags of jewelry and unused make-up out of the house.  

Funny thing to fantasize about, eh? 

To be sure, it would make cleaning house a heck of a lot easier. 

My friend with the homeless charity has suggested that I hold a garage sale with the proceeds to help the homeless. 

She also told me that our mayor claimed to have lived as a homeless person for seven days.  She's going to send me an article. 

Right off the bat, I'm going to say 

that I do not believe he did that. 

If he did, he would understand the crippling isolation and the toll that invisibility takes on a person's self-esteem. 

If he truly did this, I'll have to meet him (again).  I've never really had a chance to talk to him outside of 'hi.'  I've written to him on social media after his staff claimed I never lived in Aurora. 

I RAN for his seat many years ago!  What the hell?  

They barred me from a constituent meeting because they learned I went to high school in ARVADA in the 80's.  

That's their loss.  It's not a bad thing to have a conservative who specializes in covert crowd hypnosis on your side during a meeting taken over by hostile liberals. 

Whatever..... 

My favorite party trick is hyping people up!  I like to do that when my friends' bands play.  

Getting back to my point, if the mayor is pretending to have had the experience as an asinine publicity stunt, I may just have to have an encore. 

If he actually did this, it would be easy to tell.  If he's being honest, I may just consider helping him gain re-election but Ms. Hypnotist would have to talk to him to see if he's lying. 

I'd be interested in knowing how a conservative would want to solve the problem while being true to his ideology.  

C....

h...

a....

r....

i...

(not going to type it - but it would be good to open the churches again, wouldn't it? Spiritual folks do wonders for homeless folks - I see it all the time.) 

Sadly, with COVID, talking to politicians is much easier said than done. 

Do as much good as you can for as long as you can. 

I'm toying with the idea of asking for a practicum at an Aurora homeless shelter working with addicts.  I need 600 hours and can't imagine a better place for building a resource list for homeless folks.  I don't know - my history with the Aurora police department hasn't exactly been stellar. 

I mean, it's hard for me to forget the fake 911 calls that led to them traumatizing the kids at 2:00a.m. and I after I pissed off an Ass't City Attorney (the Supreme Court wrote to me to tell me to sue her personally for infringing on my rights).  There is that poor cop who chose to enter my property when I was in the shower....well...Let's just say I wonder if he lost his vision that day.  I haven't seen him since but he's answered the phone when I've called.  I wonder if he'll give me eye contact now? 

(evil laughter). 

Don't harass aging women.  It's scary.  

Love ya lots, 

S. 






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