Skip to main content

Depressed Siegfred




Today I am thankful for realizing that I'm depressed. 

For the first time in five years, I am wearing the clothes from high school. 

Still kinda look like a stuffed sausage in them but they aren't ripping out and my flab isn't hanging over the waistband. 

I'm going to eat salad until I lose another 20 pounds. 

Because I've lost two dress sizes in the past few months, I'm taking all of my clothes out of storage. 

I'm also starting to get clothes I ordered for myself after I lost the first five pounds.  I bought them from China (yeah...for shame...but they're cute so stuff it).  It took a long time to get here. 

They're too big now.  

Luckily, I know some people who will love brand new free clothes! 

As I'm cleaning out my room, I'm realizing that I'm depressed. 

I have hordes of shoes (many of them are identical and still have tags). 

I have hordes of clothes (also....many are exactly the same just different sizes). 

I have far too much jewelry (some are copies of others). 

These things have pretty much come into my possession since I swore off dating. 

I'm thinking I'm buying a bunch of crap to fill a gaping void in my world. 

There was a time when I only owned three pairs of shoes.  I was happy with three pairs of shoes. 

Those are the days I long for. 

On the bright side, I have about twenty black wrap dresses.  My uncle's funeral is tomorrow so at least I know I have something to wear. 

****

I still sleep with bay leaves under my pillow - which causes me not to remember my dreams....this makes me happy!

Bay leaves are supposed to give you dreams of your future lover.  I have no dreams.  \

This is AWESOME! 

Must be what freedom feels like! 

Before the bay leaves, I used to dream about having a BBQ party in which women are taking piles and piles of clothes, bags of jewelry and unused make-up out of the house.  

Funny thing to fantasize about, eh? 

To be sure, it would make cleaning house a heck of a lot easier. 

My friend with the homeless charity has suggested that I hold a garage sale with the proceeds to help the homeless. 

She also told me that our mayor claimed to have lived as a homeless person for seven days.  She's going to send me an article. 

Right off the bat, I'm going to say 

that I do not believe he did that. 

If he did, he would understand the crippling isolation and the toll that invisibility takes on a person's self-esteem. 

If he truly did this, I'll have to meet him (again).  I've never really had a chance to talk to him outside of 'hi.'  I've written to him on social media after his staff claimed I never lived in Aurora. 

I RAN for his seat many years ago!  What the hell?  

They barred me from a constituent meeting because they learned I went to high school in ARVADA in the 80's.  

That's their loss.  It's not a bad thing to have a conservative who specializes in covert crowd hypnosis on your side during a meeting taken over by hostile liberals. 

Whatever..... 

My favorite party trick is hyping people up!  I like to do that when my friends' bands play.  

Getting back to my point, if the mayor is pretending to have had the experience as an asinine publicity stunt, I may just have to have an encore. 

If he actually did this, it would be easy to tell.  If he's being honest, I may just consider helping him gain re-election but Ms. Hypnotist would have to talk to him to see if he's lying. 

I'd be interested in knowing how a conservative would want to solve the problem while being true to his ideology.  

C....

h...

a....

r....

i...

(not going to type it - but it would be good to open the churches again, wouldn't it? Spiritual folks do wonders for homeless folks - I see it all the time.) 

Sadly, with COVID, talking to politicians is much easier said than done. 

Do as much good as you can for as long as you can. 

I'm toying with the idea of asking for a practicum at an Aurora homeless shelter working with addicts.  I need 600 hours and can't imagine a better place for building a resource list for homeless folks.  I don't know - my history with the Aurora police department hasn't exactly been stellar. 

I mean, it's hard for me to forget the fake 911 calls that led to them traumatizing the kids at 2:00a.m. and I after I pissed off an Ass't City Attorney (the Supreme Court wrote to me to tell me to sue her personally for infringing on my rights).  There is that poor cop who chose to enter my property when I was in the shower....well...Let's just say I wonder if he lost his vision that day.  I haven't seen him since but he's answered the phone when I've called.  I wonder if he'll give me eye contact now? 

(evil laughter). 

Don't harass aging women.  It's scary.  

Love ya lots, 

S. 






Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

Visiting the Graveyard in my Hometown and Addressing Fears I'll Soon Join the Party

 Today I am thankful for a laugh.  It didn't start out funny.  My aunt visits once a week to use the washer and dryer.   My new dryer broke just a few days out of warranty so we dried her clothes outside. While standing outside, she took me aside an said "I don't want to alarm you, but....." then she got silent.  I pointed at the shed.  "Are you worried about all the stuff pulled out of the shed?", I asked.  "Yes.", she replied.  "That happens all the time!"   She advised me to chain the door.  I've done that.  The thief just tears the roof off.  It's easier just to keep crap in it I don't care about so the thief can rummage and take what he or she wants.  Again, I was advised to consider moving, especially after finding a full gas can in the mess.  My aunt is afraid my ex-husband is going to kill me.  I've been court-ordered to live here for another two years.  Sigh.... I'm sure a judge would allo...

Temporary Ending

Dear Readers: Over the past three weeks, I attended both a city councilperson's town hall and the mayoral town hall. Despite battling the flu, I dedicated two days to watching all available city council meetings and study sessions on YouTube in between bouts of cold chills. What I observed was a troubling pattern of disregard for honesty and disrespect towards citizens, the rule of law, and the influence of partisan politics. It has become evident that certain issues transcend the scope of a mere community art project. This realization prompted me to raise my voice, a departure from my usual composed demeanor. After discussing the situation with my family, we collectively decided to remain in Aurora. It is clear that true leadership entails making tough decisions rather than simply following personal desires. I look forward to the opportunity to address these concerns further in a different forum. Warm regards, S.  P.S. There will be a new website.