Today I am thankful that I'm a hypnotist.
These trolls are typically male.
They always think they know more than you.
Like the old friend who tried to explain that schizophrenia is a disorder of nature before he was informed that I had a graduate degree in psychology.
He is in tech and had, apparently, had little exposure to twin studies.
He was cute so I didn't mess with his mind too much.
Well.....okay....
I did a little bit.
I gave him the suggestion to go on adventures and meet chicks.
That's all I did.
He wound up getting injured doing something dangerous.
I didn't ask about the nurses.
Maybe? It worked?
I don't know.
Trolls are fun....so are embedded commands.
*****
Today I had an asshole at the Congressman's office tell me that I had no voice because I didn't live in the Congressman's district.
Um......
Really?
I know where I live. I know I have two friends that ran against his boss and lost.
Should I have a go?
I live in the district. I love, love, love public speaking.
I know how to get nasty people to simmer down. That's a trick I WOULD HAVE BEEN more than happy to teach this politician for free.
I'd rather not.
He's being targeted by drama queen loonies who don't understand the purpose of the ACA is to mess up healthcare so much even the Republicans will want universal healthcare.
Tell me you see the endgame. Don't you?
No matter what they do with healthcare it's going to become such a clusterf*ck that people will beg for the government to step in and take more power away from them.
Governments are designed to grow. They want their hands in as many pots as possible, they get more power that way.
His people lost rapport with me today. We tend to hire people just like us. If his employees are asshats, then what is he?.
I could have taught this guy a thing or two.
Well....he's not worth my time.
It took a lot for me to grow tired of his crap.
I'll never vote for the RINO again.
******
The only good thing about running for office is that I have an audience with the allusive arrogant assholes who refuse to give me the time of day before I get nominated or collect the signatures needed to get in the race.
I'm a hypnotist.
Imagine what I do with that audience.
******
This wasn't the first politician to annoy me online. I'll share a Democrat story. Many years ago, when I was new to politics, a Democrat swore up and down that I was a man. I used my full name. Yes, my middle name is a man's name. I changed it when I was hiding. I really wanted to change it to Tiberius but.....there wasn't anyone else in the city with name. I wanted to be anonymous so I chose the most common set of names I could. I was listed in the phone book as S. [guy's middle name] [my common last name]. No one could find me. It was great!
My given name was Sheila. I tried to laughingly explain that my parents were worried this would happen so they literally named me "girl." He didn't believe me. The joke may have been a lie to help him save face. My name originally was the name of an Irish fertility goddess. Over the years, the word meant "bird" then "chick" then, in Australia, it was slang for "girl."
This man has apologized to me since....twice. It still makes me giggle when I see him in political circles.
I guarantee he will never assume another person's gender again.
I now wear make-up and high heels so that NEVER happens again.
Politicians are.....not the best and the brightest society has to offer.
Perhaps that explains it's appeal to me.
Just teasing.....
maybe.....
******
Anyway a little twerp trolled me a bit. I'm sure that's why I had the spike in hits to my Facebook page I NEVER advertise.
I have several pages.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THIS HYPNOTIST SAYS WHEN SHE TROLLED BY ASSHOLES ONLINE?
I say this......
"Step into my parlor," said the spider to the fly.
Few people play with me.
Some of the self-described pick up artists do.
Luckily, I haven't had another one try to choke me.
Maybe that's a perk of getting older.
If they do that, they'll either be kneed, shot or pepper sprayed.
I've lost my patience with annoying flies, I'll just lose them in a hypnotic story.
All hail Ariadne.
******
I thought about the Pagan men I knew.
None of them have ever so much has hit me even when they shared my home.
None of them have choked me or tried to kill me.
My ex-husband pretended to be Pagan but he refused to take his Pagan things out of this house. In my faith, he basically dissed the Gods behaving like that.
I've walked away from entire groups who dissed my Gods.
He wanted a Christian wedding.
Maybe he was faking.
If not, he was probably the only abusive Pagan guy I've met. He let his family stalk me. He lied about me to them and told them I didn't let him go to college (he got a bachelor's degree...I helped him finance it). He also claimed I broke his nose.
I wonder about that.
Maybe believing in feminine power changes the way we view the world.
My girls don't shrink back at all. They don't hold back.
One of my daughters recounted a story about a boy trying to mansplain Latin to her while studying for a test. He failed. She got 100%.
He couldn't believe it. He wanted to know how she knew the language.
She's been studying it her entire life! Geesh!
I would have told him that I practice my Latin cursing men who think they know it all.
She's got more class than I do.
I've seen my girls with a smart comeback to the point of leaving assholes in tears.
I wondered if it were a religious thing.
Pagans don't buy into that whole women are subservient to men crap.
Even when I was Christian, my grandparents were Pentecostal. My step-father was Native American (from a matrilineal tribe). My mother was Mormon. My step-father converted prior to his death.
The people who raised me, they were Pentecostal or Native American.
Pentecostal people don't see gender. That's why my great-grandmother could be a minister.
Matrilineal tribes distribute power through women.
Maybe that's why man-splaining just makes me think some guys are in need of ego stroking.
Someday, maybe, I'll find somebody who would prefer other things being.....you know.....
I can appreciate a man that actually knows what he's talking about beyond a book jacket description but those type of people are few and far between.
Maybe I should start dating men who only speak a foreign language. That way when they insult me, I won't give a shit.
*****
My biggest fault is that I like to take down monolithic idiots with a smirk on my face.
People who tell me that I can't do something are typically the inspiration for my doing it.
I need a new hobby.
When I get my new job, I'm buying another instrument.
An e flat clarinet?
Perhaps a soprano sax?
My kiddos want another bass guitar.
Maybe I can write the code for an online vexation box that way I can feel the satisfaction of cursing asshats without....you know....actually having to waste my time cursing them and watching them writhe in pain.
We could make a Vexation Box website. I betcha I can get that domain.
An app could be fun. We could have people type in the names of asshats using an animated feather pen and an inkwell. The name could catch fire and there could be scary demons and evil laughter....
It could be sickly satisfying on some level.
Hmmmmmm......[neurons firing in contemplation]
I tried my hand at writing apps. The only thing that tripped me up was the artwork. I couldn't wrap my head around needing different sizes for different machines.
I wound up paying someone to create an app for me. I've never released it though....
I don't want too much attention from my stalker.
Annoying people have pushed me over the edge.
It's a very fun and strange place to hang.
Love ya lots,
S.
This is on my Birthday wish list. I think it is indicative of what door to door salesmen experience at my house (well......unless the salesman catches mice and retrieves huge wasp nests from my gutters. I bought a years worth of his services and left him a hypnotic Yelp review).
Edit: So...I'm in a Dr. Who mood. I'm bored so I went to YouTube to listen to my competition. I found a man who sells hypnotic subliminal recordings that sound like Daleks. He's not putting himself out there as a professional.
This is fun for me.
I love it!
I want to know how he does that. I don't think he does it on purpose. He must not know how to make silent subliminals.
I love this guy!
I listen to his entire playlist when I fall asleep.
No, I don't look like a teenager. My butt is still huge. I don't have one blue eye and one green eye.
I think his get married one works because a woman bought me a chocolate chip cookie that said "Marry me" on it today.
I think it was because it was on the mark down rack.
I didn't eat it......
so maybe the butt one is working, too.
It's a shame I can't say who it is.
He's solved a huge problem for me! He really has.
I fall asleep and think I'm at war. I dream of flying Daleks shooting at me through the window.
At least I'm not dreaming about being married and living in Chicago.
Woo hoo!
That's progress!
I've got to buy something from this guy.
I hope he hasn't fixed his mixing process.
I bet he has.
His newer stuff isn't so fun. I only hear it on a handful of his recordings (the ruin your life one, the butt one and another one.....damn, I can't remember what it was).
So, I'm back to listening to his older things so I can dream of metallic Nazis.
Goodnight!
Sweet freaky dreams, you guys!
Hey, maybe I'll dream that the Daleks make me lose all of my body mass....or that they're liberal swine trying to kill anything that disagrees with them.....this is awesome!
I can make my own lucid dreaming recording. I just don't know how to make it sound like Daleks.
Maybe if I hang out with my old favorite software, I can figure it out.
I miss Cool Edit Pro. Audition...just...isn't the same.
Next Day Edit: I got 2 hours of sleep last night and I played with my recording equipment. No. I couldn't figure it out.
Dang it! Maybe I'll just buy a season of Dr. Who and listen to it as I sleep.
That'll be enough to keep me single!
Cheers!