Today I am thankful for a warning I received.
The stalking is continuing.
It's just changing shape.
When I asked that any child support paid be sent to the government, my ex started to make demands on my time. Some of these demands corresponded with job interviews.
I tried to set a boundary. He could deviate from the court ordered weekend visitation if he gives me 7 days notice when he expects me to drive the kids around for him. He was asking for Tuesdays and Thursdays without much notice. He sold the mini-van I gave him so he NEEDS me to drive the kids around to meet him across the city.
The times he chose interfered with my job search activities. He expected me to drive the kids around town to meet with him; he didn't want to take the bus to pick them up. If I had a week's notice, I can work my interviews and classes around his needs. Yes, I'm taking classes to update my skills and retain my licenses.
Rather than honor my boundary, he chose not to see his kids.
Now he's pushing to get me into court to lower the child support he's never paid.
The last time we went to court, he complained that it was MY FAULT he rented a room with bed bugs. The judge cut him off and told him he had to set up a time to bring a cop to pick up his stuff. The judge gave him 30 minutes.
My ex didn't get a peace officer for a civil assist. He took more than four hours the first day and 30 minutes the second day to get his stuff.
His behaviors is a little bit annoying.
I'm a little annoyed at the intrusion of the packet of paperwork I have to send back and a pending court hearing.
I was offered a temporary job. It starts August 7th. It pays 20% less than I made previously but it's a job. They'll help me gain licensing in another area and they mentioned wanting to potentially keep me on to work in Human Resources given my psychology background.
To keep the job I have to be available Monday-Friday for the next 8 weeks for training. If I miss a day, I will be fired.
If I am fired, I will lose my unemployment.
I'm probably going to have to raid my retirement account to hire another lawyer who can go to court on my behalf so I can actually work
I don't think it's about child support, given the breaks ins and the stalking. I think this is another means to get information about my life.
The packet I've been sent to fill out feels like I'm sharing too much information with my stalker.
For this reason, I've taken most of the posts down until I figure out what the hell he wants. I'll sort through them and post what seems safe.
I'll give some thought to what I can post and what my next steps are.
Ugh.....
I may reach out to my higher authorities, too.
******
He has chosen poverty as a lifestyle.
I remember meeting with a job coach and expressing concern that it would take me years to find a job. I related how my ex-husband is an accountant/auditor who made $50,000 just 18 months ago and he claims that he can't find a job that pays more than $12 an hour.
He's so poor, he needed money from me.
My job coach told me to have her see him. I did. He refused.
At that point, my job coach told me that he just doesn't want to work. I had a neighbor offer him a job interview and he refused.
The problem with his employment troubles is that he makes demands on me.
He needed my mini-van so I gave it to him. He promised that if I did that, he'd be able to keep his job.
When I demanded that he move out of my house, he "lost" his job.
Then he needed gas money. He needed me to pay for his auto insurance.
Then he needed money to travel for business at a time he claims he was unemployed.
I gave the money to him, thinking it would help his career.
It didn't.
So...I don't know what more I could do.
I don't need to cater to him.
I'm seeing messages come across from him demanding that I take care of stuff that HE was court ordered to do.
I guess I need to check my messages more often.....sigh.
*****
The last time I saw him, he became belligerent.
He demanded I meet him at a bus station with the title to the mini-van I gave him. He wanted to sell it.
He wasn't at the bus stop. He didn't text me. I figured he took the bus to my home.
I went home to see if he was on the porch, he wasn't.
I drove back to the bus station and he was incredibly pissed off that he had to wait for me a whole ten minutes.
He missed the original bus.
This wasn't the first time he demanded that I hunt down documents to bring to him either.
Given his games surrounding visitation, demands that I meet him somewhere in public with paperwork, and demands that I let him come to my home to retrieve belongings (after his time was up)
I'm thinking this isn't about child support or custody issues.
It seems more about control of my time than doing what is best for the kids.
If my ex refuses to work, I've got to find a good job.
Scratch that - my ex REFUSES to work. I HAVE to find a good job or TWO.
I can't afford to continue to bend and sway to this guy's desires.
If he's not working a full time job, he has a heck of a lot more time to make my life a living hell.
Why can't he be ordered to find a good job?
Maybe it's best that he isn't told what to do. I don't want him killing the kids to get back at me.
It's probably best just to cave to whatever he demands.
*******
I was trying to be kind.
What was I thinking?
The man stalked me since 1992.
Our marriage feel apart in 2001. He wanted a fake marriage because it would upset his parents.
He stole money. He lied. His family stalked me out of school, jobs, internships and even my own office.
It took me years to save up for the divorce.
He refused to leave my home after our divorce.
Why would I think the stalking would end after he was evicted?
It's just changed shape.
I think he's going to start harassing me through the courts now.
Maybe if I let him skate by without child support, he'll let me move to a more affordable area with better paying job prospects.
This seems to be a game.
I hate these games.
I sure hope judges are smart enough to notice when are not always what they seem.
Love ya lots,
S.