T
Last night was just....horrid.
I've decided that I really dislike high school reunions. I love the people -but- the reunions in and of themselves are frustrating.
There are people who wind up paying for everything....usually it's a single mother who is too proud to ask for help.
I don't know if it is appropriate to offer to give her money.
She makes it known it costs money -but- she doesn't really give us an avenue to pay.
I wind up feeling guilty when I ask if there is anything I can do and am told 'no.'
*****
People don't typically remember me from high school.
They remember me from politics, school board meetings and the paper.
It's a little sad.
Some people asked about it. They wanted to know what I was up to. Was I going to run this year? Probably not. My favorite seat won't upon up until next year. Was I going to fight the pit bull ban? Yeah, I just need to join the right group of people. I didn't say anything about that directly.
I just found myself explaining that politics was like babysitting. I'd prefer to leave the children at home when I'm out with my friends.
Yes, I used to attend the school board meetings for the area a few years ago when I had my heart set on moving into an apartment in Arvada. That was before my ex demanded that I take house because he wanted to lower the alimony. Of course, when he left his job, I didn't feel right pursuing it.
The mediator said that my ex wanted me to have the house so he could continue to spy on me. That could be true, too. I haven't checked my bedroom for bugs or cameras yet.
Who knows? It's not like he's going to see anything interesting in my bedroom. He'd just see dresses, suits and lots and lots of shoes.
At the reunion, I realized that I don't fit in as a classmate. I might fit in as an activist. I may fit in as a mentor to college bound students. I may fit in as a customer.
I don't quite fit in as a classmate.
I really don't belong at the reunions.
*****
I did a ritual last night to help me feel more loving towards people and less like strangling them.
I have trouble maintaining my peace of mind when I'm around asshats.
I'm told that I have a calming serenity around me. When I interview for jobs, this is something people bring up and really like.
Yes, I have ways to deal with people in anxious states.
I'm really good at calming down jerks and obnoxious people.
This is why I received the three job offers. I've only had three interviews.
I realized that I needed to be more loving....peaceful calm isn't necessarily enough.
******
At sunset, I lit a black candle to disperse the negative energy. At sunrise I lit a white candle to be more loving.
About 2:30 in the morning, I awoke in severe pain. My stomach hurt. It was like I had food poisoning.
I may have. I ordered a pizza for dinner. I'm supposedly allergic to wheat and cheese.
I was in the bathroom for about an hour feeling dizzy.
I'll be very upset if I didn't lose a dress size.....seriously......
I finally got up the energy to go back to my bed.
I fell asleep and was awakened by a huge THUD at 4:44 a.m.
I figured it was my stash of shoes that I have hung up in a shoe holders on the corners of my bed. There are some perks to celibacy. One of them is shoes.....I can have hordes and hordes of shoes in my bedroom....
and NO ONE.....
NO ONE.....
can say a darn thing about that.
I have my shoes shoved into a little fabric folding containers....like the set above.
If I move too much the shoes fall out.
That's what I figured happened.
I was wrong.
You know, it's going to take a special guy to make me get rid of all my dresses and shoes. I haven't met one yet. I probably never will. If I did meet him, he'd probably be killed by flying 5" heels so it's best I don't bring him home.
*******
I awoke again at 5:15 to light the white candle. As the sun began to rise......I noticed what had fallen on to the floor.
It was a notebook from my high school days....
It was a notebook that I bought years ago.
It said Arvada Redskins on the spine. The school is now known as the Arvada Bulldogs.
This book is filled negatives and contact sheets from my days as a school photographer. I was the unofficial photographer. I carried a camera everywhere....
I had a little disc camera in my book bag. I even bought one for my old friend, so he had one with him (sometimes). I even had a 35mm on my keychain.
When the staff was short of pictures for the yearbooks, I gave them my negatives. Many of my pictures made it into the yearbooks.
I opened the notebook wondering what I should see.....
I saw people from my past....
and pictures that I thought I had destroyed when my stalkerish ex made mention of wanting to get into contact with someone he was jealous of from my past.
I don't know if there is a message for me.....or what I'm supposed to take from this experience.
I haven't touched that bookcase in over five years.
Why would the notebook have fallen on the floor?
Maybe I'm supposed to love these crazy people from my youth.....no matter what.
Maybe I'm not supposed to skip out on reunions even though I'm not a former cheerleader or anyone of any note back in the day.
I'm going to go to sleep and ponder this development.
******
Truth be told, high school reunions are no fun.
I'd rather go to karaoke with these people to support the woman who opened her own bar.
When the city used eminent domain to seize her bar for a Wal-Mart, I wanted to be there protesting with her.
I'd rather fight for their kids at a political meeting or coach their kids into talking the district into teaching French at every school.
That's weird. Jefferson Public Schools in Colorado does not teach the international language at all of its high schools. Jason Glass should be proud (that's sarcasm).
How do they expect kids to get into college with few foreign language options?
It's a shame I don't have a Jeffco address......yet.
Luckily, I know many activists in the area, including former school board members who were forcibly recalled by the lies of the teacher's union.
Sad....but true. I still think back to that recall and shake my head when I remember a poor teacher protesting in the middle of Wadsworth Avenue. It's a busy street. She nearly got hit by a car.
It broke my heart.
I don't care what you believe politically, it's not worth your life!
The union tried to corral my kids into ditching school and protesting. I live an hour away in another county. My kids were some of the few who stayed behind.
There is a time and a place for protest.
Ditching school is never appropriate.
If they did that, I'd make them give a political speech somewhere to try to enact real change!
They know it!
*******
I'm still sick.
I managed to see my freebie hypnosis client today. When one doesn't eat, there is nothing to vacate.
I'm lucky it worked out.
She was in tears. She came in to stop smoking due to the diagnosis of a deadly disease. Her subconscious mind didn't see the point in continuing to live so it fought her efforts to stop smoking.
She needed to find her purpose. I think she found it.
She's only a few years older than I!
I hope I don't ever become so jaded that I wish for death over health.
******
I keep thinking about Brian. He's the guy who called me up in the middle of the night and chewed me out for failing to go to my high school reunion earlier this year. It was for the school I attended before my parents died. I knew these people since I was five years old.
Brian was afraid I'd die before he ever saw me again. I think the last time I saw Brian was in 1992 when he worked as a clerk in a pet shop. My eldest daughter modeled for some of the businesses in the mall. I'd take her to visit Brian in the pet shop.
His warning and rant is the only reason I bothered to the reunion for the other high school.
I shouldn't have gone.
******
Do you want to hear something funny? One of the recruiters helping me has the exact same first and last name as Brian. Get this.....he lives in Arvada.
They're not related. I checked.....sigh.....
I took it as an omen. Brian got me a job offer close to my previous salary.
******
I'm off to go through my photo contact sheets and see what I'm failing to understand. I hate looking at them because they remind me of too many painful things.
We'll see.
Oh, and I think the spell worked on some level. I've had numerous people recommend me for jobs today. My phone has been constantly busy.
I think some of the love and kindness I've shared in the past has come back to me.
It usually does.
May all the good that you do come back to you ten fold.
Love ya lots,
S.
Edit: So, the white candle just burned out.
I checked the remnants. There is a name in it. It's the same name that always shows up in my candles.
Being tired, I thought, maybe this name shows up in all candles that are burned.
I checked the wax remnants of the black candle. All I saw were two M's and an X.
I'll take it as an omen. The next guy with that name who asks something of me will get it so long as it is not illegal, immoral, fattening, beyond my financial scope and doesn't involve my breaking my celibacy streak.
I REALLY like having a lot of shoes.
Cheerio!
Today I am thankful for kind Karma.
Last night was just....horrid.
I've decided that I really dislike high school reunions. I love the people -but- the reunions in and of themselves are frustrating.
There are people who wind up paying for everything....usually it's a single mother who is too proud to ask for help.
I don't know if it is appropriate to offer to give her money.
She makes it known it costs money -but- she doesn't really give us an avenue to pay.
I wind up feeling guilty when I ask if there is anything I can do and am told 'no.'
*****
People don't typically remember me from high school.
They remember me from politics, school board meetings and the paper.
It's a little sad.
Some people asked about it. They wanted to know what I was up to. Was I going to run this year? Probably not. My favorite seat won't upon up until next year. Was I going to fight the pit bull ban? Yeah, I just need to join the right group of people. I didn't say anything about that directly.
I just found myself explaining that politics was like babysitting. I'd prefer to leave the children at home when I'm out with my friends.
Yes, I used to attend the school board meetings for the area a few years ago when I had my heart set on moving into an apartment in Arvada. That was before my ex demanded that I take house because he wanted to lower the alimony. Of course, when he left his job, I didn't feel right pursuing it.
The mediator said that my ex wanted me to have the house so he could continue to spy on me. That could be true, too. I haven't checked my bedroom for bugs or cameras yet.
Who knows? It's not like he's going to see anything interesting in my bedroom. He'd just see dresses, suits and lots and lots of shoes.
At the reunion, I realized that I don't fit in as a classmate. I might fit in as an activist. I may fit in as a mentor to college bound students. I may fit in as a customer.
I don't quite fit in as a classmate.
I really don't belong at the reunions.
*****
I did a ritual last night to help me feel more loving towards people and less like strangling them.
I have trouble maintaining my peace of mind when I'm around asshats.
I'm told that I have a calming serenity around me. When I interview for jobs, this is something people bring up and really like.
Yes, I have ways to deal with people in anxious states.
I'm really good at calming down jerks and obnoxious people.
This is why I received the three job offers. I've only had three interviews.
I realized that I needed to be more loving....peaceful calm isn't necessarily enough.
******
At sunset, I lit a black candle to disperse the negative energy. At sunrise I lit a white candle to be more loving.
About 2:30 in the morning, I awoke in severe pain. My stomach hurt. It was like I had food poisoning.
I may have. I ordered a pizza for dinner. I'm supposedly allergic to wheat and cheese.
I was in the bathroom for about an hour feeling dizzy.
I'll be very upset if I didn't lose a dress size.....seriously......
I finally got up the energy to go back to my bed.
I fell asleep and was awakened by a huge THUD at 4:44 a.m.
A four post bed doubles as extra closet space - Yea ME!
I figured it was my stash of shoes that I have hung up in a shoe holders on the corners of my bed. There are some perks to celibacy. One of them is shoes.....I can have hordes and hordes of shoes in my bedroom....
and NO ONE.....
NO ONE.....
can say a darn thing about that.
If I move too much the shoes fall out.
That's what I figured happened.
I was wrong.
You know, it's going to take a special guy to make me get rid of all my dresses and shoes. I haven't met one yet. I probably never will. If I did meet him, he'd probably be killed by flying 5" heels so it's best I don't bring him home.
*******
I awoke again at 5:15 to light the white candle. As the sun began to rise......I noticed what had fallen on to the floor.
It was a notebook from my high school days....
It was a notebook that I bought years ago.
It said Arvada Redskins on the spine. The school is now known as the Arvada Bulldogs.
This book is filled negatives and contact sheets from my days as a school photographer. I was the unofficial photographer. I carried a camera everywhere....
I had a little disc camera in my book bag. I even bought one for my old friend, so he had one with him (sometimes). I even had a 35mm on my keychain.
When the staff was short of pictures for the yearbooks, I gave them my negatives. Many of my pictures made it into the yearbooks.
I opened the notebook wondering what I should see.....
I saw people from my past....
and pictures that I thought I had destroyed when my stalkerish ex made mention of wanting to get into contact with someone he was jealous of from my past.
I don't know if there is a message for me.....or what I'm supposed to take from this experience.
I haven't touched that bookcase in over five years.
Why would the notebook have fallen on the floor?
Maybe I'm supposed to love these crazy people from my youth.....no matter what.
Maybe I'm not supposed to skip out on reunions even though I'm not a former cheerleader or anyone of any note back in the day.
I'm going to go to sleep and ponder this development.
******
Truth be told, high school reunions are no fun.
I'd rather go to karaoke with these people to support the woman who opened her own bar.
When the city used eminent domain to seize her bar for a Wal-Mart, I wanted to be there protesting with her.
I'd rather fight for their kids at a political meeting or coach their kids into talking the district into teaching French at every school.
That's weird. Jefferson Public Schools in Colorado does not teach the international language at all of its high schools. Jason Glass should be proud (that's sarcasm).
How do they expect kids to get into college with few foreign language options?
It's a shame I don't have a Jeffco address......yet.
Luckily, I know many activists in the area, including former school board members who were forcibly recalled by the lies of the teacher's union.
Sad....but true. I still think back to that recall and shake my head when I remember a poor teacher protesting in the middle of Wadsworth Avenue. It's a busy street. She nearly got hit by a car.
It broke my heart.
I don't care what you believe politically, it's not worth your life!
The union tried to corral my kids into ditching school and protesting. I live an hour away in another county. My kids were some of the few who stayed behind.
There is a time and a place for protest.
Ditching school is never appropriate.
If they did that, I'd make them give a political speech somewhere to try to enact real change!
They know it!
*******
I'm still sick.
I managed to see my freebie hypnosis client today. When one doesn't eat, there is nothing to vacate.
I'm lucky it worked out.
She was in tears. She came in to stop smoking due to the diagnosis of a deadly disease. Her subconscious mind didn't see the point in continuing to live so it fought her efforts to stop smoking.
She needed to find her purpose. I think she found it.
She's only a few years older than I!
I hope I don't ever become so jaded that I wish for death over health.
******
I keep thinking about Brian. He's the guy who called me up in the middle of the night and chewed me out for failing to go to my high school reunion earlier this year. It was for the school I attended before my parents died. I knew these people since I was five years old.
Brian was afraid I'd die before he ever saw me again. I think the last time I saw Brian was in 1992 when he worked as a clerk in a pet shop. My eldest daughter modeled for some of the businesses in the mall. I'd take her to visit Brian in the pet shop.
His warning and rant is the only reason I bothered to the reunion for the other high school.
I shouldn't have gone.
******
Do you want to hear something funny? One of the recruiters helping me has the exact same first and last name as Brian. Get this.....he lives in Arvada.
They're not related. I checked.....sigh.....
I took it as an omen. Brian got me a job offer close to my previous salary.
******
I'm off to go through my photo contact sheets and see what I'm failing to understand. I hate looking at them because they remind me of too many painful things.
We'll see.
Oh, and I think the spell worked on some level. I've had numerous people recommend me for jobs today. My phone has been constantly busy.
I think some of the love and kindness I've shared in the past has come back to me.
It usually does.
May all the good that you do come back to you ten fold.
Love ya lots,
S.
Edit: So, the white candle just burned out.
I checked the remnants. There is a name in it. It's the same name that always shows up in my candles.
Being tired, I thought, maybe this name shows up in all candles that are burned.
I checked the wax remnants of the black candle. All I saw were two M's and an X.
I'll take it as an omen. The next guy with that name who asks something of me will get it so long as it is not illegal, immoral, fattening, beyond my financial scope and doesn't involve my breaking my celibacy streak.
I REALLY like having a lot of shoes.
Cheerio!