Today I am thankful that I have found a way NOT to play victim.
So.....I'm still having nightmares about what happened with Steve. I think I fear it happening to someone else.
Steve ran around telling people that I mentally abused him by "talking for 15 minutes" because I "didn't want to lose the relationship."
He wrote this on Facebook, too.
I immediately made sure that he knew that I broke up with him so that he could "clear up some space in his life to find someone kinder and more considerate."
That was September 1st.
I actually broke up with him on August 29th but we were stuck at a concert, so I wasn't sure he got the message. He should have on September 1st.
In the days and weeks that followed, Steve sent me numerous threatening texts and emails. This is what some people with Borderline personality disorder do. They lie to third parties. They harass through third parties. They try to ruin your reputation. Why? Well.....they harass and try to embarrass you in the hopes of getting you back -or- getting enough attention from third parties to meet their need to be liked.
This was nothing new. He did this every three weeks or so for reasons that I have yet to understand.
In these emails....he continually said that I "played the role of a victim."
That was the sentence that made me reconsider kicking my ex-husband out of the house. I originally let him stay pending his bariatric surgery. I am realizing now that he will never get such a surgery.
If I am at fault for being a victim, I may as well extend an olive branch. I have to find a way to get him to move on with as little collateral damage as possible.
This does not make me a victim.
This makes me smart.
I realize, though, that Steve is probably still running around telling people that I play the role of a victim.
*****
I have a handsome neighbor who is married. He's an athlete. He coaches Little League in the neighborhood. He's a man of color. He hangs out with a lot of athletes who are hot as he!!.
He says one of them has the hots for me. He wants to be my new man.
I'm not ready.
I need to stop looking like a victim.
My neighbor told me that I'm too aggressive to be a victim. He said he's seen me "in the political arena". I take on the politicians. Why would anyone in their right mind think I'm a victim?
Still....if I have the stench of a victim, I will attract more abusers.
I need to get the smell off of me before I do anything else in my life.
*****
Today....I figured out how to stop looking like a victim.
I'm going to share Steve's emails, texts and talk about what he did to me. Victims are silent. Steve told me numerous times to shut up. He threatened to have me committed. He told people that I was crazy. He played games to try to make me look crazy. I think he did that so I would shut up as he asked me to do. He needed me to shut up so my friends, especially the ones he was hitting on, wouldn't know that he was abusive.
Here is the reality, survivors talk about it. They typically do that to warn others. I don't want this jerk hurting more women.
Of course, the first people I'm going to talk too are the necromaners in my coven. I'm sure they know how to reveal things that are hidden.
Good luck, Steve.
He's gonna need it.
His only hope is to get into a psychiatric program for personality disordered people. If his shrink sends me a letter asking me to stay silent, I will....
otherwise.....I'm going to start squawking.
Oh....and I don't listen to lawyers. I've had far too many posture and threaten me. I know the game too well. I've been threatened by more city attorneys than I can remember. It's just noise to me.
I know Steve has threatened to sue me numerous times in the past. He said he would lie to get a restraining order if he had to because his ex wife was able to lie to get a restraining order. That didn't fly very far. I am beginning to believe he abused his ex wives just like he did me. Maybe I should give a gift to Nemesis and pray for Karma?
Hmmmm....I'm a witch. The options are numerous.
I will only follow the dictates of a licensed psychiatrist, someone I can verify as a provider of treatment for personality disordered men. I will, as he asked, "shut the f*ck up" if he is in treatment.
It's not slander or defamation if it is truthful and CAN BE PROVEN. He can't prove his lies. I can prove what he has done. I'm just going to share the emails. I can't be accused of lying if I simply copy and paste EVERYTHING including headers and IP addresses. I may also share his name on the websites intended to keep women from dating abusive losers. If you abuse....you're a loser.
After getting the calls from the 25 year old girl and seeing screenshots of his daughter's suicidal post....I realize I need to stop crying and start protecting people.
It will be done.
Oh, and there is one other piece of unfinished business. I'll write about that tomorrow.
Love ya,
S.