Flying Monkeys

Today I am thankful for recognizing boundary violations.

A little history (okay, a lot of history):  

I am realizing that the stalking has ruined my sense of boundaries.

It started in mid-January 1992. 

It started with phone calls. 

Then....a woman....could call to tell me who I spent the evening with.  I was a prude.  I usually spent the evenings with either a bass guitar instructor or my Spanish tutor.

Both were hot. 

I was not. 

I think I was too busy swooning because neither my bass prowess nor my Español improved.

*****

Then, a woman, started calling my landlady with stories that I was having sex in the parking lot.

My landlady knew I was prude: We spent a lot of time together poolside. 
I typically dressed like a female swimmer at the turn of the century...
by that...I mean I dressed circa 1900.
My landlady didn't believe her.

She wanted the phone calls to stop. 

They didn't.

Then, the locks to my apartment began breaking.

I would return from work to find mysterious holes in the walls.

One of these holes, I believe, created a broken pipe.

The landlord fixed that. 

I was evicted when the landlord became tired of the telephone calls and broken locks. 

The very next day, Michael's uncle, had a house ready for me to rent.  The caveat was that Michael had to move in with me.

I didn't want Michael living with me.

He's messy.  He borrows money without paying it back.  He didn't help with the bills.

Maybe that was why the stalking began in the first place.

*****

Before I was evicted,

I did have the experience of finding roses in my car.

I found Shannon (Michael's sister) in my car.

I even found a spare set of keys to my apartment outside my door.

I only had one set until that day.

These people scare me.

Someone called my Christian boss and told him that I was pregnant.

I wasn't.

That made for an interesting day when I had the stomach flu.

I had never really endured anything like this.

******
Over the years, I became accustomed to seeing Shannon watch me eat lunch.  I got used to her knowing about doctor visits before I told anyone.  I got used to her calling and hanging up 50 times a day: I knew it was her because she didn't bother concealing her number on caller ID.

These things didn't bother me

until the summer of 1999.....

She started tormenting third parties.

******

I had a neighbor who was an alcoholic.  He'd forget to take his kids to school, so I'd give them a ride.  His wife was having an affair: she was a pup-truck driver.  She'd back the truck in her driveway with the doors wide open.  She and her lover would make whoopie thinking no one could see them.

I had a straight shot into the truck from my home office window on the second floor. 

That poor man had it pretty rough.

One day, I went on vacation and returned to this guy's vitriol.  He'd throw things at my dog and would call animal control trying to get them to take the dog.  He brandished a gun in my kitchen window on numerous occasions.  He pushed me when I left the house and taunted me.  If I called the police, he'd deny doing anything. 

Little did I know that Shannon's friend was the Sargent.

I'd call the police.  They'd threaten me with arrest.

I'd ask them to do it.  I worked for the DA.  It could have been an interesting thing to have seen.

They never arrested me. 

They never took a report, either.

Until one day, Sgt. Cook was being investigated by the police department.  An older, kind, African-American man saw me crying and asked me to tell him my story.

I told him what was going on.

He went to the house.  He talked to the neighbor. He found out that a fat woman claiming to be my sister had pulled a gun on the neighbor telling him that I was watching him.

The neighbor looked at me and said that he thought it was weird because I'm usually a kind person.

He certainly was surprised when I uttered

"I don't have a fat sister."

I realized that it was Shannon.

Sgt. Cook was fired.  You can Google the case the police department made against him.  He was in deep caca.  It had nothing to do with my in-laws either.  The kind, older man became the sergeant.  That was a happy ending. 

I tried to talk to Shannon on several occasions.  It didn't really work.  It would result in her spreading vicious rumors and her mother running around town with them.

It took two years before I would send a cease and desist letter.

*****

On Valentine's Day of 2002, I suffered a miscarriage.  The child was wanted.  I had already had an ultrasound where I saw the little life play and frolic.  It was unreal and painful when the bleeding started.  

I was in pain.

I was experiencing grief.  My ex-husband didn't really want to talk to me. 

I was alone.

I went to the doctor's office alone.

I got the news alone. 

I came home to find an answering machine message from my mother-in-law.  She demanded that I call her right away or she'd beat up her niece. She went on to claim that I had aborted her grandchild. I am not kidding....I still have the answering machine recording in a legal file.

 I went to high school with her niece.  I called to warn her and I was too late, my mother-in-law had already made her embarrassing visit.

I made Michael call his mother.  He still doesn't grasp why I freaked out.  How did she know I went to the Ob-Gyn that day? 

That was the first time I realized they were stalking me.

I sent them a cease and desist letter asking that any further contact with me be made with a family therapist I know.  I would happily pay the bill back then.  I had more money back then.

******

Years have passed.  I've seen them drive by the house.  I've seen Shannon sitting outside of the house.  I caught her breaking in. 

She still watches me eat lunch and have coffee.

I typically don't go out anymore.

She and her boyfriend have harassed professors, colleagues and neighbors.

The neighborhood police resource officer thinks that it is time to get a restraining order.

I fear that....it would probably only make things worse.

She received a cease and desist letter in 2002.  She signed for it. 

She was verbally told not to call here again in 2012.

She was sent another cease and desist letter in 2013.

Isn't that enough?

******

I know I've spent the past seven years chronicling the stalking in this blogger account.  Now that I think about it, I've never really had a year free of Shannon's antics.

Sometimes she harasses me.  Other times she has her flying moneys do it.  This is just a sampling of what I've endured since I've sent her a cease and desist order.

I just want to be free of her. 


This is just a little bit of what I've endured.  Typing it out was therapeutic.  I honestly thought I had years away from my former in-law's crap.  I guess I never did, did I?

• In 2003, Shannon stalked me on campus, spreading rumors to my graduate professors.  She went so far to try to get a job working with my academic advisor.  
• In 2004, my friend from high school became pregnant.  She asked me to set up her baby shower. When it was time to send out the invitations, I found that there were only three: One of me, one for Shannon and one for Shannon's mother.  It wasn't a baby shower, it was an intervention.
• In 2005, Shannon sent an invitation to a wedding.  We learned through a friend that the wedding was another meeting intended to get me to meet with her.
• In 2006, Shannon and Michael's brother waited for me outside of a metaphysical fair.  He was upset because he claimed I kept Michael from doing what his family wanted him to do.  Thankfully he confronted me in front of a fellow witch.  We did a little banishing ritual in front of him.  That was surreal. 
• In 2007, Michael's uncle died.  I didn't go to the funeral, Michael did.  He came back and started calling me by the name of an old boyfriend they knew.  I went to high school with my in-laws.  They must have told him stories of Tom and I back in the day.  I can't have sex with a guy calling me Mrs. {last name of high school sweetheart}  This was the year our marriage died.
• In 2008, Michael and Shannon's mother called me asking that I go over to clean her house several times a week.  I hadn't spoken to them since 1999!  In that call, I learned that Shannon still lived at the house but, it was claimed, she refused to help her mother clean so I needed to do it.
• In 2009, Michael sued the city.  During the lawsuit, it was not uncommon to find cop cars sitting outside of our house.  This was when his cousin Stephanie started calling the house on a daily basis.  I never saw them outside of my house that year.  The harassment was typically in the form of hang-up calls.  I also had a male colleague tell me that I was being stalked by a man who looked like my ex-husband when we met to discuss hypnotism at a coffee shop.
• In 2010, I would find pictures of myself strewn outside of my office.  It was not uncommon to find my promotional materials and business cards taken from the waiting room (all of them....at once...holders included).
• In 2011, Shannon's boyfriend (known as Doug Vega) harassed me in the street.  They watched me eat lunch with my high school sweetheart and then went on to my office buildings.  Doug entered into a colleague's office, rifled through her drawers and demanded to know when and where I went to church. 
• In 2012, I caught Shannon breaking into the house.  The red Chevy truck she drove was registered to Doug.  I also found a GPS box on my vehicle.  The day after it was removed, Shannon called to offer me a pre-paid phone.  I hadn't spoken to Shannon since 1999.
• In 2013, it was no uncommon to find the front and back door locks broken.  I also found bloody underwear on my porch.  In November, Shannon watched Steve and I have coffee at the Starbuck's across the street from my office.
• In June 2014, I discovered damage to the front door.  The molding was broken, as if someone had pushed the door open. 

At this point, I became tired of the phone calls.  I changed the phone numbers.  I changed all my passwords online.  I got a new smartphone.  It would seem that this would stop the incessant phone calls.  My phone has yet to be hacked.  I have only had one hack attempt on Facebook.


Other than that, things have been fairly quiet....until now.


A tale of two cops:


There are two really great cops at the local police department.  They've both spent a lot of time with me, helping me try to figure out what is going on and formulating a safety plan.  They both have a different take on the stalking. 

The female detective believes that Michael is my stalker: She thinks that he asks his family to harass me and keep tabs on me so that I stay faithful. 

The male cop, the public resource officer, believes that Michael's mother is the stalker; He thinks that his mother is having her children harass me in order to get me away from Michael and to keep tabs on him.

I don't have a clue what to believe.


It took me many years to figure out who was watching me eat lunch.  Shannon lost 300 pounds between 2007 and 2010.  I wouldn't have recognized her.  I never met Doug outside of the stalking.  I figured out who they were when someone shared photos of Michael's dad's funeral.  There, in many of the shots, were my stalkers! 




I feel guilty for being angry:

Last week, Michael forwarded an email to me that claimed that Shannon had stage four cancer.  I feel a little sick about my reaction.  Part of me wants to believe it because I want to be able to get back to living my life without being harassed. 


That's a bit sick.  I want the stalking to be over with to the point of wishing death upon someone.


When most people tell me they have cancer, I petition Asclepius for their healing.  I have not done that for Shannon. 

I don't think I can do that. 


I want to be free of pain and the stalking. 


On the bright side, I am sure Shannon is lying for some reason I do not understand.


I will not let my guard down.  I am in the process of upgrading the windows, the doors and my security system. 


Is the stalking my fault?  Do I need to set stronger boundaries? 





There is something about this that I am finding frustrating.  I think it is the fact that there are no boundaries with these people.  I can set a boundary and ask for no contact and they find a way to pass messages to me. 


I'm going to have to rethink my boundaries. 


I went to Facebook and logged in for the first time in months.  I found Shannon, Michael, their mother's and their brother's Facebook pages and blocked them.  I went so far as to block anybody that I thought they would try to pass messages on to me.


I am hoping that it will help. 


I am realizing though that I have a boundary problem with these people.


I don't know how to set a proper boundary. 

How do we make creepy people leave us alone? 


I'll give it some thought and share if I can. 

Love ya,

S.