Today I am thankful that the worst part of the stalking nightmare is probably over.
I woke up today after five hours of sleep.
I was happy.
I felt unadulterated joy.
I had a job interview.
The interviewer commented on my happy energy.
I was on top of the world.
I came home. A marketer offered to hire me to do some voice over work for him. He wants to promote me on Amazon. He offered to split the profits with me.
I felt great.
Then....
Then....
An old friend from high school told me that my stalker died on Wednesday night at 8:00 p.m.
*****
Now, I still do not know who was behind the stalking I've endured for 23 years from my ex-husband's family.
I DO know that the only stalker I feared was Shannon.
The last stalking incident I dealt with was July of 2014 when the door jam on the front door had been yanked away from the wall.
It's been quiet.
It's been nice.
*****
Part of me hopes that this is a huge lie.
Part of me hopes that she's still alive, getting help, and internally vowing to live HER life to the fullest and leave me alone.
Then, there is the part of me that I am ashamed of. This is the part of me that hopes this is true so that I can carry on giving speeches, promoting events, advertising and helping people without fear of Shannon's stalking.
I am stunned.
I don't know what to think.
There are no obituaries. No news channel has spoken of her death.
I sure hope it is a lie.
I'm certainly stunned.
Shannon was only 42 years old.
*****
I never thought I'd think such a thing about Shannon.
I had a "What If" thought...
What if I had pressed charges against Shannon and had her arrested? Would they have caught the cancer in time? Certainly she'd have had a physical in the jail.....right?
I worry about her mother. If this is true, she lost her husband and daughter within 18 months.
I couldn't imagine the horror of outliving your children.
I cancelled my appointments to pick Michael up from the airport.
He's back in town.
I asked if he wanted to talk.
I asked if he wanted company.
He said he was here to pack up the supplies from his old office. It's not about his sister. In his mind, his sister is already dead.
What does one say?
I guess all I can do is be present.
*****
I have two daughters that look exactly like versions of Shannon in various stages of her childhood.
One of them is seventeen. She's an artist. She sells her artwork online. She's gay.
The other is ten. She writes....a lot.
I see them thriving. I wonder how Shannon could have been if she wasn't caught up trying to please her parents.
She never moved out of her parent's home.
Was she allowed to be herself?
What could she have been if she were allowed to just be?
I have often wondered if she was held back....too much.
I wonder.....
I'll be wondering for awhile.
I wished that the stalking to stop.
I guess my wish came true.
Love ya,
S.
P.S. I knew Shannon when she was a teenager. Her favorite band was Wham. I'm not sure she ever believed that George Michael was gay.
I can't find a sad Wham song that is appropriate....
I guess I'll reflect on the stories of her stalking their Limo after a show at Red Rocks back in the 80's.
I'm not sure if that actually happened....but I guess it makes for an interesting story.
I am really hoping this is a narcissist trick. I'd hate for her to actually be dead. I've heard of narcs pretending to have cancer. I've never heard of them faking their deaths....
NEXT DAY EDIT:
Well....I'm sad to report that after talking to someone who went to school with Shannon and Michael, Shannon died of complications from cervical cancer.
I'm wondering why she didn't catch it in time.
42 is too young. It really is.