Skip to main content

Attention LGBT Activists - Stop Sabotaging Your Success



Today I am thankful for being a Libertarian and a Hellenist.


A little bit about myself.....

I am Pagan. 

I worship the Greek pantheon. 

On Sunday I light a candle to Apollo.  The beautiful gay God of music, art, science, medicine, intelligence and athleticism.  He teaches us to excel in every capacity that we can. 

On Friday I light a candle to Dionysus.  He is the bi-sexual God of love, lust, music and art.  He teaches us to be free. 

My daughter is a devotee of Artemis.  Yes, my daughter is gay.  In fact, as her friends start coming out to their parents, I make sure that I have a guest room ready....just in case....there is a negative reaction.  So far, it hasn't been an issue. 


I am also a Libertarian activist. 
I have marched in the Pride parade since 1987.

I was born in the hate state.  One of my first activist gigs was fighting a horrible law that came to be known as Amendment Two. 

Now, I wonder if the people that wrote that bill were on to something. 

In 1987, I was a homeless teenager, saved by a homosexual man.  He helped me sell a couple of instruments and gave me a reference to get my first apartment.  That man literally saved my life.  He made sure I lived next door so he could watch out for me. 

I repaid the debt by taking in a homosexual young man whose mother had thrown him out in the street for "being gay."

His name was Brian L. 

He died of AIDS in 1992.  He was 23. 

Brian loved dogs.  He loved Science Fiction.  He also had a crush on John Taylor and Mark O'Toole. 


Okay, truth be told....we both had crushes on just about anyone with a man package. 

We liked the same guys.  If they were gay, they were his.  If not....they were mine.

We made a good team. 

We'd spend hours listening to his old Duran Duran and Frankie Goes to Hollywood albums while trading Return of the Jedi bubble gum cards.  When I learned of his diagnosis, I gave him every Star Wars collectible I owned.  I don't regret that at all.  They brought him more joy than they gave me. 

Whenever I hear old school Duran Duran, I weep for Brian.  He was born in October, so.....there is one song I can barely tolerate.  We'd listen to it.....over....and over.....and over. 



I miss Brian.  I miss him terribly.  I miss the way he would flit around the kitchen singing Madonna songs.  I never thought his voice would still be haunting me 23 years after his death. 







I have Brian's picture on my laptop with a dog he helped save.  It was an American Eskimo named Luxury.  It was hit by a car but the owner was too damn cheap to take it to the vet.  It was a mean little thing....but Brian....he had a way with dogs.  We got the dog to the vet and found the $60 needed to help the pup.  The dog made a full recovery.



I have seen first hand the destruction of discrimination. 

I think it killed my friend.  His mother threw him out of the house when she learned he was gay.  He became a prostitute so he had a place to sleep at night.  I saw him night after night on the bus bench outside my bedroom window.  One night I offered him my huge walk in closet (it was bigger than my room).  A friendship was born. 

Six months later, he was diagnosed with AIDS.  I remember....when he was living with me...Wendy's Corporation fired him for being gay.  I was livid.  You know, I still am. 



He told me to simmer down.  There would be a time and place to fight.  The time and place were not right. 


I have to say....I still refuse to eat at Wendy's.


I have that right. 


It's a shame that people do not understand the power of making private decisions (more about that later).  We can tell the truth about bad business decisions.  We can stop giving our dough to people who offend us.  We can also stop demanding that they make dough for us.


When Brian moved in with me, he started looking for work that didn't put him at risk of jail.  He discovered fast food.  He was fairly extroverted and seemed to love the rush of working in a fast paced environment. 


Brian met another man named Brian at work.  They fell in love and moved in together.  Both Brians had HIV, albeit different strains.  Back then....we didn't understand that sharing two different forms of HIV could cause people to die faster. 


This was before AZT. 

This was also before talk of gay marriage.  Brian and Brian were the perfect couple.  I wonder....sometimes....what they would have thought about gay marriage. 


Brian's boyfriend died first.  Within a few months, Brian's mother reconciled with her son.  He died at home.  I was still pissed at her.  Who in the hell throws her own flesh and blood out in the cold???!!!


******
Throughout my activist career, I have internally heard Brian's voice remind me to be mindful of the place and time to take my fights. 


I think Brian's advice has saved my arse on a few occasions.  It keeps me from charging into the fray without thought. 


I think Brian's advice can save other activists, too.  

***********

Gay marriage is a big issue.  It is making huge inroads.  It is becoming more and more legal.  It is becoming more and more socially acceptable. 

I see gay couples holding hands on a daily basis.  This is a far cry from 1987 where my gay friends and I had to hold hands when we saw members of the Denver Police Department.  There were reports of police beating up gay men to the point of unconsciousness,  It wasn't worth the risk. 

We have come a long way. 


For the most part.....we have come a long way. 


I am beginning to feel a little bit frustrated with the LGBT movement.  I really want to ask....



What is up with suing small business owners who won't bake cakes or do flowers for your weddings?

Is this the right time and place for that battle?  Don't you want to wait until you secure the right to marry in all 50 states first? 

Why NOT educate people rather than bully them into doing business with you? 






Aren't you afraid that suing small business owners for such things is impeding support for gay marriage?




I would be. 



Suing people for such things only creates one more argument against marriage equality. 

Now, due to the sheer number of these lawsuits, a Colorado lawmaker has introduced a bill allowing business owners to refuse to perform a service due to religious beliefs.  Darn it!  It's a shame when it comes down to having to create legislation to protect people from frivolous lawsuits.


In 1992, one of the things the Colorado hate amendment proposed to do was protect people from having to serve gays.   The amendment promised to prevent gays from having "special rights."  Many activists took that as a protection for discriminating fools and set to work disbanding it.  It took an order from the Supreme Court to nullify that law. 


Maybe the framers of that amendment were right.  Maybe there is this desire to have special rights. 


I would think that being allowed to bully small business owners into serving you is a "special right."


As a Pagan, I cannot go into a Christian cake shop and demand a cake shrine to Dionysus complete with an illustration of naked Maenads tearing the flesh off of a non-believer.  That may be offensive to a Christian.  They would have every right to refuse the job.  I wouldn't blame them....not one bit!

Worse, I wouldn't really trust a baker who didn't want to work for me.  They could,...you know...spit in the cake!  NEVER hire a baker who doesn't want to work for you....EVER!






We can't bully people. 

If I started doing that, I would fear a backlash against my fellow Pagans. 




Besides, Christians have that whole ten rule thingy where making idols honoring other Gods promises them a toasty afterlife in a sulfurish hell with frightening looking fallen angels.  Have you smelled sulfur?  UGH....no thank you.  Why would you expect someone to do something that would make them spend the rest of their lives fearing that fate? 

That's not love.  That's abuse!


Besides, I think they fear turning into pillars of salt should they stare at us "heathens" to long.

Just as we want certain groups to understand and honor us, we need to understand and honor others.

This is the true meaning of diversity.
 



*******


If I were gay, I wouldn't bully people into providing services for me.  That could create a backlash. 

I suspect the lawsuits against small business owners are only fueling any anti-gay marriage hysteria. 



Cut it out. 

Stop suing people.



Educate them!




How? 



Well....first....I'd go to the small business groups and talk about the demographic.  Make small business owners want to provide for your market!   For the most part, this is a very educated and well to do demographic.  This is a virtually untapped market!  There will be people willing to do the work.

I'd go to the leadership in various cities and talk about the services that are desired and ask for help getting more people licensed for the needed services (perhaps by providing tax discounts).   The more competition, the less likely discriminating souls will thrive.  Crowd them out!


Small businesses exist to make money.  Someone will come along to fit the bill.


Besides, I really like the idea from Mississippi small business owners who developed a sticker for business owners committed to serving people from all walks of life.  They're going to get the business while the others lose out.  Perhaps this can be implemented nationally.

Don't sue.  Let the free market show the way. 


Oh, by the way, Colorado is also seeing an increase in religious discrimination complaints against bakeries.  One person complained that a Christian baker refused to decorate a cake with an anti-gay message.  She is facing charges now: http://kdvr.com/2015/01/19/man-takes-legal-action-after-denver-baker-refuses-to-make-anti-gay-cake/



Look - you can't have it both ways. 





Gay rights activists have come a long way.  You're not going to win the war on discrimination by waging war with individuals.  Go for the gold....go for equality....let people who discriminate lose business.  Eventually these people will whither away....not because they are being sued out of existence but because other people will create competition for them.  Gay marriage is creating a demand in the marketplace - make it easier for new entrepreneurs to fill it. 




Don't sue people. 

Don't make it a crime for people to refuse to do business that violate their moral behavior.

Let the market sort it all out.



Anyone want to bake me a cake? 

Just teasing.....
 

*******
Oh, the Libertarian position on gay marriage is that the government shouldn't be in the game anyway.  It shouldn't be up to the government to give permission for people to marry. 

The government is in the marriage business.  So...until that ends one must make their moves within the game as it currently stands.

If marriage equality is what is wanted, get that first BEFORE making martyrs out of certain religious groups. 


*********


Yes....and I would happily make floral arrangements and cakes for gay weddings if the generous God Dionysus would grant me such talent.  As it stands now, I can't bake a cake to save my life.  I can hypnotize a guy not to faint in front of the minister.  I can hypnotize someone to taste yummy vanilla when they taste my nasty, salty cake -but- I cannot create a masterpiece worthy of the start of a new life. 

Someone will.  Reach out to them and leave the fearful Christians alone. You know the majority of freedom loving people are on your side, Christians or not.  You know that most of us want our brethren to pursue their own happiness.  Trust that. 

Don't ruin your inroads by sending hate mail and financially destroying others. 



Lead by example. 

Lead with love. 
Lead with acceptance because in the end, this is what you truly want. 

Model it!



Love ya,

S. 

Popular posts from this blog

Stalker Proxy Phone Calls

What kind of songs do narcissistic stalkers sing?  I imagine they sing songs like this.   I am grateful now that I understand why the stalker has people call  but   wish they'd listen when I ask them not to call again.  I probably should document this somewhere.  My ex was talking to an old friend of mine from high school on a daily basis.  She is his cousin.   I had to quit talking to her when she'd ask me to plan parties and then refuse to give me the guest list saying that the attendees would only be me, her, my stalker Shannon, and my NPD mother-in-law.   She wanted me to plan interventions.   This happened with a baby shower.  It also happened with a wedding.  The in-laws put together a fake wedding trying to host an intervention to shame me and my ex into doing things for them (like quit school and give them my car).   I had to cut this so-called friend off over that in 2004....

The Love Gods Have a Sense of Humor

Today I am thankful about the ever-changeable, ever-humorous universe.   It is said that 'in life, the only constant is change.' Ah, this is a true tidbit, isn't it? I recently vowed NOT to date until Michael officially moves out of the house.  I also vowed NOT to be close to him unless he signs up for FOO (Family of Origin) and Relationship counseling.  I've been with the man nearly a quarter of a century, he's not going to go to therapy to have a relationship with me. He plays games with money, divorce agreements, custody arrangements, transportation, and all sorts of things to keep me stuck here.  It's nothing money and a lawyer can't solve.  ***** They say that dysfunctional people have three weapons that they use to keep people under their thumb.  The acronym is FOG. Yes, they are FOG machines. What does FOG stand for? F ear O bligation -and- G uilt Yes, there is fear.  Fear that he won't honor hi...

Personality Theory

Today I am thankful for personality theory. I can't say that I buy into it very much.  People change over the course of their lives.  Healthy people grow.  Unhealthy people either stay static or regress.  So what one tests today may change tomorrow. I do believe that personality theories (even ancient ones like astrology) create self-fulfilling prophecies.  If people buy into it, it gives a lot of insight into their characters, needs, and behaviors.   I've spent most of my adult life studying personality theories.  From Eric Fromm's theory's about authoritian -vs- mature personalities and how authoritians fear power while mature people revel in it to Jung's introvert -vs- extrovert theory.  A major one of interest to me is an offshoot of Jung, it is the MBTI type inventory.  When I'm happy, I'm a textbook INFJ. When I'm pissed off and wanting to strangle my ex, I act like a ESTP.  My ex is a ESTP a...