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Neon Goldfish




Today I am thankful for neon goldfish.





I was so busy crying over the fool's goldfish that I didn't realize that they came in other colors.

I forgot that there were fish who were so busy managing their own business that they leave yours alone.  That's what I want.  Someone too busy to try to control me.  He can swim with me.  He can frolic in the waters. 


Wow.....


 


I guess it's time to get out there and see the other fish in the pond.

It is time to become a  pescetarian. 


Yum....


I guess I am used to puffer fish.  The kind that puff themselves up to be something they are not.  They pretend to have done things that they didn't do and then they criticize you because you have actually done things in your life.  Steve would call me a liar when I spoke about my political adventures. 


You know?  He's an IT guy.  All he has to do is go to Google. 


If he ever made it to my bedroom, He'd know that I have a shelf full of old newspapers.  I never clip the articles.  I just put the papers on the shelf. 


Steve is a puffer fish. 






*****

I did find something helpful on a website for men who have been abused by women with Borderline Personality Disorder.  I don't want a link here but I'll tell you how to find it (shrink----4-----men without the dashes).   My sister was given that diagnosis back in 2001.  I'm positive that this his Steve's label (the one he refused to share with me). 
 
I could go into it, if you want -or- I can talk about ways to look at relationshit so you don't find yourself putting up with it.  To be sure, this diagnosis is more common among women, men tend to get saddled with Anti-social Personality Disorder diagnosis. 
 
Yes, Steve technically fits the sociopathic Antisocial Personality diagnosis due to his arrest record -but- the difference between an Antisocial and a Borderline is the mindset.  Anti-social is a bona fide personality disorder, Borderline is a dysregulation of emotions and can be helped with re-parenting and social skills training.   The defining factors of Borderline Personality Disorder is the belief that "thoughts are things" and "thoughts are facts".....if they think it, it is reality.  That causes a lot of harm in relationships.  The other defining characteristic is their constant tests.
 
 

Borderlines test people to prove their loyalty.  They literally put you in a no-win situation, whether they sell your concert tickets and replace them with a set that causes you to be alone for the show-or- you catch them lying about you on social media as to embarrass you in public, you are being tested.

  • If you fail the test by objecting to their treatment of you, you don't love them enough.
  • If you pass the test, by forgiving and forgetting - they'll complain that there is something "wrong with" you because you lack "self-respect."
    Steve actually threatened to have me committed because there was "something medically wrong with [me]".  This is why I blocked him.  Seriously?  I work with shrinks on a daily basis.  In my real life, I'm a therapist.  If I had a medical diagnosis, one of my colleagues would have made a referral.  Part of being a therapist is having a therapist, too.  Steve never understood that.  He'd be offended when I saw my shrink. 

As I read through the stories of people victimized by Borderlines, the no win situations stand out for me. 



The psychotherapist, at the site mentioned above (shrink.....4.....men....com....without most of the dots), wrote something that I'll paraphrase for you.  This pretty much sums up my relationship with Steve the puffer-fish.  I'm sure there are feminine puffers out there, too. 





If you're a guy who has a girlfriend who is always criticizing, airing her dirty laundry in public (but not allowing you to do the same), stealing, cheating, and playing you like a fiddle.....I would highly suggest that website.   If you're still ruminating over a nasty chick like that, read the articles, too.  It will be cathartic. 


Borderline men and women play "shit games" with their partners, in order to test their love and devotion to the relationship.  If we opt not to play, we are accused of not loving them.  Borderlines do not understand that people who love one another do not engage in "shit games."



I am finding this analogy be quite helpful.  There were so many games.....so many childish, time wasting games.  Really, the only games that I want are in the bedroom.  Let's see how many licks it takes to get to the center of the lollipop types of games.  I don't particularly like other kinds of head games as they leave me uninspired.



Steve wanted a woman younger than half his age.  He would talk at length about that.  It was a weird day when a twenty-something lady called me to tell me that he hit on and abused her during our relationship. When she complained that he threatened to post nude photos of her online, I became concerned.  I sure hope she is okay. 

I guess I dodged a bullet. 


May you find the love and kink you deserve.  It's a great feeling knowing that you do not have to settle for someone who is orange. 

Go for the glow!


Love ya,

S. 




 

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