Warped Gratitude Blog

Today I am thankful for my blog and the weirdness that has become my life. I think I am thankful.  I'm not sure. Yes...my blog.  For the past eight years, I have documented almost every single thing of significance that has happened in my life since my (now) deceased father-in-law was seen driving by my house (which coincided with my ex and I talking about getting divorced). That was April of 2006. Some of the blogs are no longer public.  I wasn't sure if my political frenemies would make fun of my life in the papers when I was running for office.  I'm not that important, thankfully.  In any event, many of my other writings haven't been public for a while.  I'm important enough to have my diet scrutinized in the press.  I'm NOT important enough to have my stalking crisis critiqued.  That's not a bad place to be.  The neat part about having eight years of blog posts is that it helps me to see patterns in relationships.  I have the gift

Today I am thankful for the laughs that I am getting from something under the Christmas tree. So..... Well.... There are electronic devices under the tree.  They aren't expensive.  They're little toys.  They are children's toys.  Some are talking dolls.... Others are talking action figures..... Some are little electronic toys for the granddaughter.... One of them talks to me as I sit in the living room building websites.... It says.... "Better them than me!" It is a male voice. I bet it is coming from the Deadpool doll.  I don't know... It is weird.  It is funny. It is weird because of my hobby. ** ***** It is no secret that I collect artifacts from haunted houses.  I think it is fun. It is a great way to get antique jewelry and creepy dolls for next to nothing.  People want to get rid of creepy things.  I take them.  There are only two things that I find too creepy to wear.  One is a 70's er

Think About It...   A person with Borderline Personality Disorder often presents with a characteristic relationship pattern over time. This pattern usually evolves through three stages: The Vulnerable Seducer, The Clinger, and The Hater. This evolution may take months, and sometimes even years to cycle through. In the later periods, the personality often swings back and forth from one phase to the next. ~ Roger Melton, M.A..   Today I am thankful for how far we've come in defining Borderline Personality Disorder in the past decade.   I have stayed off of Facebook since Steve posted to my page under a pseudonym.  If he is mentally unstable, I probably shouldn't provoke him by posting about anything.  I have hidden all of my posts from everyone except my friends.  The problem with that is that he was trying to get in one of my Facebook friend's knickers.  She was the one who called me up claiming to be homeless and wanting to move into my ex-husband's room.  Her ca

Today I am thankful for living the chaos free life. Perhaps I am overstating this a little bit.  I had a chaos free day.  I've been volunteering at the homeless shelter.  I was the babysitter.  Today the kids wanted to have a singing contest.  They all won.  The children sing and dance like angels.  I love hearing them sing about being beautiful.  I love watching them sing and dance while pointing at other kids telling them that 'they are gold.' Yes, I want them to know that they can fly.  It is a beautiful experience. ***** Let me tell you.... I didn't realize how difficult it was living with constant accusations until I didn't have to defend myself anymore.  I like this life.  I like being away from the chaos.  It is a blessing.  ***** I hate feeling like I am judging narcissists, bullies, psychopaths, sociopaths and other meanies.....the label doesn't matter, I guess. What matters is how I feel around them.  I can

Today I am thankful that I have more clarity on what was happening between Steve and I. I'm not sure I have a lot of time to write about it today. I'm not sure the issue is narcissism.  I do think it has more to do with childhood issues than a personality disorder.  I'll try to come back to the post to clean it up. Typically, Steve would send me nasty demanding emails, break up with me or complain after he had conversations with his mother.  They seem to be an enmeshed family. Steve sent me several emails claiming that I didn't honor his requests.  When I asked him about it, he said he wrote those because his mother made him eat potatoes. Yes...I know...one's mother cannot make anyone eat anything.  I think most parents learn that lesson when they have a toddler in the house.  You can put something in their mouth but that doesn't mean they'll swallow. It's the same with bullying.  People can bully us but we don't have to swa

Today I am thankful for time to process heartache. Never hear what somebody thinks about you, you'll live longer. Hear that they're in pain. Don't hear their analysis. - Marshall Rosenberg The problem, though, is that when everyone else hears that analysis, it causes problems in the real world.  That analysis causes me pain. It causes my friends to analyze him. Men who see him write lies about me call me on the telephone and flirt with me. I wonder what he said about my religion. One of these guys is Pagan. I didn't know that. What on earth would compel one of our mutual friends to call just to announce his religion?  I don't know. Lies and accusations take a lot of time to sort through. It sucks my creativity away as I spend hours upon hours trying to reframe  and defend against the lies and accusations.  It doesn't matter if I love someone. If they are wasting my time and going out of their way to hurt me to get my attention, I ha

Well....today I am thankful that I can change all of my passwords on my Hotmail and MSN accounts.  So.... I received a message from MSN stating that they were logging me out because my email had been accessed by another computer.  How in the world does something like that happen? I changed the password when Michael told me that Shannon helped him set up our computers back in 1998.  I really hadn't changed it until recently. I had a lawyer tell me that he thought my ex and his family were hacking my email and reading our correspondence.  It did explain how he and his mother knew when I went to the doctor.  I'd set the appointments up via email.  Steve sends me messages at that address.  He's a professional hacker.  He is the guy his clients call when they fire someone mean enough to change the passwords to the computers before they leave.   I thought he had integrity.  This would not be something I'd think he'd actually do. This could be a coincidenc

Today I am thankful I can change my Facebook password.   Wow.....it looks like someone may have hacked my account last August.   I do have an Android phone but I've have never been anywhere close to Texas. I've seen some hacking on that website from a city 90 minutes away (in the area my in-laws live).  I've never been hacked out of state before.  The last time that happened, I was actually locked out of my account.  My ex called to tell me that my sister-in-law went to Twitter bragging about hanging out by my house.  It was crazy. The cops told me to pretend to be out of town until things died down.  Only Steve knew where I was. This time, there were no bizarre things going on.  I didn't have to change my password or contact Facebook.  It went unnoticed. Just in case it is notable, I thought I'd document it here. I should have documented it the last time it happened. I hate that annoying website.  I'm off to change my password.  I'm

Today I am thankful for something to do.   I spoke to my friend who used to manage the homeless mission.   I now have a volunteer job.  I babysit the children of homeless women on the days kids are not in school.  My teenager will accompany me so she can get some volunteer experience to put on her college applications.  I start next week.  I guess something good came from Steve's game.  I wouldn't have spoken to my friend if Steve's "girlfriend" hadn't called me pretending to be homeless.  I'm not sure she's his girlfriend -but- I am pretty sure he put her up to calling me.  It's bizarre that the day she mentioned that he sent her rude and upsetting messages on Facebook and that she wanted me to look at his profile  - was the very day he harassed me on Facebook.  I think she was trying to get me to unblock his profile by asking me to look for her naked pictures on his page.  When that didn't work, I believe that he posted a very

Today I am thankful that I gave up caring about toxic people.  I'll let people be the people that they are.  If they want to stalk, I don't care.  I have my ccw.  If they want to post crap to my Facebook page, I don't care.  The people that know me tend to call them out on it before I see it.  I don't care.  I don't.  People are going to do the dysfucktional stuff that they do.  Who am I to stop them?  My expectation is to stop worrying about weird stuff so I can be there for the people that need me.  I am a little bit torn today.  It's Tom's birthday.  He's the big 45!  Woo hoo!   Yeah..... I don't know if I should bug him now that I know it was Steve that was trying to make contact with me. Tom only contacts me when he is lonely, in pain, or has a broken leg because he did something incredibly brave (like jump out of a plane and freak out his friends and family).  I used to have a blog where I would p

Today I am thankful that I figured out why I was getting calls from a young woman claiming to be homeless and in need my help; the last time she called me she began by  gossiping about Steve and asking me to look at his Facebook page. Steve was using her to try to get my attention. She wasn't the first person to contact me Steve's behalf. She wasn't the last, either.  ***** I hate Facebook. Some people live by it.  I used to make my living with it but then I became politically active and attracted all sorts of bizarre people into my life. ***** My ex-husband made a post about a man who was dating our daughter.  This man is from Texas.  He's 25.  He thinks I'm a cougar and he thought I would sleep with him.  I called him a clown. Uh.....good mothers don't sleep with people who date their daughters. That was.....well...kinda creepy. This was the guy who lied to the cops and got my daughter arrested. Last night, my ex-husband wrote:

Only our best friends and greatest teachers will have the courage to say those uncomfortable things to help us get out of the mud and back on our paths.   Today I am thankful for my competition. I love being a hypnotist because I have the most wonderful colleagues in the world. I bought a refresher Stop Smoking Hypnosis Course from another hypnotist trainer.  I bought it because I'm too lazy to create my own business forms.  It comes with the forms.  Usually, I can't read anything this man writes without learning something new.  I figured that I couldn't go wrong investing in his products.  I received the package yesterday.  It was supposed to contain four CDs. I received five.  Do you want to guess what the fifth one was?  It was a hypnosis session entitled "Overcome Your Lost Love." I'm a little bit tickled at that discovery. This is perfect!!! I love this guy's voice.   This is the most perfect gift for me at this poi

Today I am thankful that my bullshit detector is finally working.  For the past three weeks, I have been receiving calls from a young woman on the east coast.  She claims to be homeless.  She wants to go to school here. She calls and asks me about my living situation.  She will sit on the phone with me for hours.  It sounds like she's crying on the phone. I've spent a couple of hours talking to homeless advocates who give me advice and resources to share with her.  I don't think she's following through.  One had a job and a living arrangement for her. She doesn't mention that during the calls.  I understand.  Before I got married, I used to work with homeless people.  They lose faith in people because so many people make promises they don't keep.  People flake out on them.  People harass them.  People treat them as non-human.  It is hard for homeless people to trust. I understand.  I have a coffee date with a man that ran the lo

Maim me, tame me, you can never change me   Love me, like me, come ahead and fight me   Please me, tease me, go ahead and leave me   Never mind.....responding to people who sling mud at me makes us both look like pigs.  This is why I chose to go no-contact.  I didn't do it to be punitive.  I did it so I could find peace.   Today I am thankful for the insight that things will sort themselves out with time. In time, the truth will reveal itself.  With that truth, I shall know how to proceed.  ***** Right now, I am waiting for a call from the Superintendent's office.  I want the statistics on crime, expulsions, suspensions, and teacher layoffs for the school my daughter attends.  I have a hunch that the mass layoff of non-tenured, yet popular teachers, may be the factor behind the upheaval in the school.  The bullying became horrid early last year.  The non-tenured teachers were fired the year before because the district wanted to save money. I