Today I am thankful for patterns and being old enough to put two and two together.
I just had an epiphany. Twenty-eight years ago, I met a young lady. We became friends. I was an orphan and her mother took the role of giving me advice.
Then she started spreading gossip about me, I started to distance myself from this friend. She'd have her friends harass the boy I dated. It was annoying when they said they'd get him into bed. My old boyfriend didn't take the bait. In fact, I think it bothered him when my friend would try to sit in his lap in an effort to seduce him.
I never really trusted her after the gossip thing.
Twenty one years ago, I met her for dinner. Her cousin was with her. He wasn't invited.
He fell in love with me at first sight. It was sad. Everyone knew. It was easy to see in his demeanor. I was enduring in a bad break up at the time, so I was not interested in anybody at all.
This is where I will admit to being stupid and incredibly so.
I went to work the next day to find that someone had written an invitation to sex in the dust on the back of my car. My boss pointed it out. I was embarrassed.
In the days and months that followed, I would find rose scented fabric flowers in my car on the driver's seat. I held onto those for many years because I knew where they came from. They came from my friend's cousin. His coat had light traces of rose perfume on it.
Once, there was a suicide note written in the dust on the dashboard of my car. I confronted him. He denied it. I begged him to get help. I mean, he was the only person who seemed to have a talent for breaking into my car. It had to be him.
This is not to mention the constant phone harassment I've dealt with from members of his family that began in 1992. He told me that he had nothing to do with it and like a fool, I believed him. The worse thing, for me, were the calls to my landlord intended to get me thrown out. These started happening the day I refused to rent a home with him. I realize now that the purpose of these calls were to bring our relationship to the next level before I was ready.
The phone harassment always seems to happen when I am doing something for myself. If I go to school, take classes, go to work, volunteer, start a business....anything.
The harassment also amps up when his relatives die. His father has stage four cancer.
Today, I am a little upset. I awoke to find a Catholic newspaper on my doorstep with pro-life plea face up so everyone could see it. None of my neighbors had one. It had to have been delivered sometime between 10:00 and 6:45 this morning.
We married in '96 after dating for five years. I was threatened with the loss of my home if I didn't get married. I couldn't understand the rush but I loved my friend, so I relented.
We are Pagan. He had to have a Christian ceremony for his mother. I never understood that but that is what he wanted, so that is what we had.
Our marriage went to heck in 2000 after his mother started spreading gossip about me. One things she likes to claim is that I have frequent abortions to kill her grandchildren. We haven't been together in a manner that could produce life for many years.
I've been begging for a divorce since '07. He promised to let me file this year but when I started making plans the harassment amped up. He wants to stay married for appearance sake. I'm not sure I can continue on like this at all.
His mother has been known to call here to claim that I am murdering her grand-children via abortion. Since, I don't have an opportunity to ever conceive, I find those calls highly disturbing. This has gone on since 2001.
I called the archdiocese. They didn't deliver the paper. They said that when they do deliver them, they are in plastic bags for privacy, not sprawled out on the porch. They told me that I am not on their list and if they were to deliver anything like this it would be through a professional delivery service.
I find the religious thing awkward.
In recent years, I have been approached by complete strangers in public who berate me for being Satan. I've had his relatives, including the cousin I've known all these years, approach me and say I'm going to hell. I've had his uncle walk within a foot of my face, glaring at me, then spinning on his heels and walking away.
I've had colleagues tell me that they've been approached by people claiming that I am Satan, had abortions, and demand private information about me. I think it may be my in-laws.
These people terrify me.
I understand that they have been calling the house demanding to see my children. I never get these calls. My daughter or my ex usually answers the phone. When my in-laws call, my initials and last name show up on the Caller ID, so they think it is me and pick up.
It could be that my in-laws are claiming I am aborting their grandchildren because they've never met them. I don't know. These people are violent and they need to stay far away from our kids until they are old enough to discern truth from bull.
Now, I'm freaking out. I think I'm getting PTSD over it. New information has recently come to light that scares the holy heck out of me.
I am also learning that my estranged spouse was digging through stuff I had since high school. He claimed he wanted to read my writing. When I was younger, his cousin would share my writing with him. That kinda creeps me out a little. He knew who I was six years before we actually met!
When he went through my stuff, he found things from my high school sweetheart and, told me, that he asked his cousin to hunt him down and return everything. He did so without my knowledge. ...way back in 2004! I only found out about it in recent weeks. So now, I am learning that he's targeting people I used to know!
It's old news to them but new to me.
It's yucky
and creepy
and freaky.
He probably just said that to scare me.
There is one thing men ought to know about women. Don't attack her first love. He's best left as an adorable figure from her past. Threatening him is akin to stomping on a cuddly kitten; she's not going to take it very well. Whatever you do, do not bring that blast from the past into her present life because all those feelings could come flooding back, especially if he's single and you're not banging her.
This guy isn't too bright.
There are other things happening, too. A black box on the underside of my car started to smoke and fell off in a parking lot. Money goes missing. My phone gets unplugged. The phones don't work. Friends are getting emails from my accounts telling them to stay away. My relatives claim I'm being followed by someone driving a white pickup. I never see it. I don't know.
My estranged spouse claims to be Pagan. I don't see him calling me Satan or putting religious things on my doorstep. He'd put voodoo dolls, graveyard dust or some kind of foot track hex on my doorstep. Religious propaganda really isn't his style.
This is really weird.
I'm at a loss.
But I guess that doesn't matter. I can wrack my brains trying to figure out how deep this goes or I can realize the obvious.
If a relationship starts off due to erotomanic stalking,
it will end with revenge stalking if things don't go well.
I wish I had figured that out when I was twenty-one.
Don't ever fall for a stalker. That is the first tip that they are abusive and controlling. It's not cute. It's a clue that the guy is not well. Run away......fast.
Love ya,
S.
Oh crap, now that I write this I had left my recording studio briefly around 1:00 this morning to get a glass of water. I swear I heard someone at the front door. I remember the time because I was uploading a YouTube video for Thursday's blog entry. I always post my blog around 1:11 every morning but have to do it 24 hours in advance because YouTube uploading can be a little flaky.
Friday morning, around 9:15 a.m., someone jiggled the handle. No one knocked at all. I went outside and didn't see anyone there. I figured it was a political pollster and didn't give it much thought.
Two weeks ago, a red truck pulled in the driveway around 5:30 p.m. on a Friday. I heard keys and my door handle jiggled a little bit. By the time I got to the door, I saw a blond woman get back into the truck and pull away. I thought she may have had the wrong house so I didn't say anything. I do not know who she is.
Now, I'm getting scared.
The paranoia will go away when I'm out of the situation.
It has to....
Edit 6/7/13 -
My ex told me that his sister Shannon did this. He gave me a picture of her and, yes, she is the woman who came to the door. The red truck, well, it turned out to be sitting outside of my mother-in-law's house. It is registered to a man named Doug (Lopez) Vega. My ex gave me a picture of Doug. He is the man who watched Tom and I eat lunch on January 11, of 2011. He is the man who harassed my co-workers. He is the man who stopped me on the street, pushed my shoulders, and called me Satan.
I'm terrified.
We put a camera up by the front door and changed the locks. Within three days, the back door lock was mangled.
I'm terrified now.
Love ya,
S.