Honest Men

 

 

 

Today I am thankful for honest men.

 

 

I had a friend from high school who would pal around without me a few years ago.  He was recently divorced.  My husband was missing in action. 

 

We had lunch.

 

We had soda.

 

We spoke about high school. 

 

 

I always paid for lunch because I didn't want to lead him on and because he was between jobs. 

 

He's my friend.  Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? 

Besides, there's a pretty blond who is interested in him and he makes eyes at her.  I can't steal him from her!!!  All I can do is hypnotize him into saying hello. 

Which is what I did.  I thought they were going out now. 

I guess not.  

 

 

There is another man who I've gone out to dinner with twice. 

 

 

The first time, I mistook him for another man of the same name who has severe agoraphobia.  When I got an email from a guy with the name of a married buddy of mine with agoraphobia expressing an interest to go out for coffee, I readily accepted. 

 

I mean, if I could get him out of the house, it would be a work of God and a favor to his wife.  How could I refuse?  I mean, I'm the one who helped him get therapy.  I thought he trusted me to help him

 

Of course, when I got to the restaurant, it turned out to be the other guy.  It wasn't coffee.  He wanted dinner.  When I caught him staring at my butt, I paid for our dinner and made some lame excuse about karma. 

 

He took me out again.  I paid again. 

Then he took me to a movie and ran ahead of me to slap money down on the counter so I couldn't pay. 

 

That's okay.  I'm going to send him a movie theater gift card and a T-shirt given to me by his favorite politician (which is another funny story entirely....maybe I'll post it below....maybe I won't....I don't know). 

 

 

When I asked if I could pay, he told me that he always thinks that men who pay for everything are "sly dogs".

 

 

Today, the first guy and a couple of other men from high school had a little Siegfred intervention. 

They made it clear that all men are dogs, even if I've dated them in the past, even if they are married, even if they are kind and sweet, even if they are limp and cold as a fish......they are perverts who are thinking about ways to get me to suck on their 'lil pup. 

Seriously? 

 

So, if a man goes to the mall, has lunch, or dinner with a woman it is soley because he wants sex. 

 

 

Oh, I saw no turbidity on either count. 

How was I supposed to know? 

My ex, he's tent city around me.  I don't let him get near me anymore. 

But the other guys...really?  Wow...this is an eye opening experience for me.

Maybe anorexia wasn't a bad thing as it kept me from sharing meals in mixed company. 

 

I have, in the recent past, had married men meet with me to tell me what they'd like to do to me.  They are also in dead marriages and/or separated.  They were usually as discreet and as classy as they could be about it.  I told them 'no' because I wasn't ready; it's cheating until the divorce is making headway. 

I can't cheat.  It's not in my blood. 

The truth is, if you want sex, you need to be open about it.  That is how it should be done.  Tell her you want to make a meal out of her and be done with the confusion. 

It's cheaper than going out to dinner to get shot down. 

 

What's so hard about that? 

 

My whole world view of men has been shot thanks to the openness of a few honest men. 

 

Wow....