Stuck in Dreamtime

 Today I am thankful for risks. 

Still having dreams of a particular person from my past. 

In the latest dream, 

I'm hanging out with activists in the Capital chambers. 

My Fairy-God-Mother is a big, black and beautiful liberal woman with a hearty laugh.  

In this dream, she's dressed like a civil servant. 

I asked her about the dreams -

what is the point of making me sleepless? 

She pointed out that he's watching me. 

I tell her that he once wrote that he keeps track of all the women he's been with

so he does this to everyone. 

She told me that I was mistaken 

and then she pointed him out in the outskirts of the crowd. 

In this dream, political leadership are taking requests to speak so I try my best to get their attention

The man in the dreams never liked it when I was the center of attention. 

That'll run him off. 

They never call my name.

Two things in the dream - 

Yeah, I guess I can credit this guy with my addiction to work.  It did help to numb the pain. I need to shake up my life. 

So, if he sees this thing - thank you.  I'd be living in a box if that hadn't happened. 

It's weird - in the dreams he has black hair (numerous times I've run into him looking just like he does in the dreams)

 - so if things are like they typically are, 

 apparently the only things we have in common is that 

we use valerian 

and frequently dye our hair black. 

My red leaked out again.  Damn it.  I won't have time to drench my hair in indigo for awhile.  

My subconscious mind is starting to frustrate me. 

Either the dreams have to stop or I have to get too busy to ponder them. 

******

The man in the dreams can't stand me. 

The reason is that I always somehow flippin' managed to be the center of attention. 

I don't know why I'm dreaming about him. 

The dreams have caused me to run to bizarre things I never believed in before just to try to find a new way of pondering them. 

First, several Tarot Readers think the guy in my dreams is a Divine Connection (as did one of my aunts). 

If so, the only thing in common we have are vitamins and hair dye. 

Maybe playing in the snow....

Did he play guitar? 

I knew we both drew. 

Oh, now I remember one more reason to hide from him.  He once drew a very good likeness of me with a vagina on her forehead.  He entitled it 'Sex on the Brain' and put it on public display. 

Wishful thinking, perhaps? 

-or- 

Maybe he was trying to get me laid?  

Grrrr......

I have to push them off of me.  If I wanted to fuck, all I have to do is say 'yes.' 

Men!!! 

We have nothing else in common.  We are not a divinely connected anything.  If we were, he'd be saving homeless folks or bitching about politics or something.....

Or maybe I'd be building video games.....well, I've thought about building relaxation apps and skill building games but the last time I tried to do that I got irritated with sizing the jpgs. 

The dreams are annoying me.  There are no answers in Tarot or a bastardization of Plato's works.  

I've even tried to find understanding via astrology. 

My mother was an astrologer and she tried to abort me over my November due date (this is probably why I'm conservative). 

I was born eight weeks early. 

She cast my horoscope and used it as a template for my behavior. 

The problem is that she never accounted for Daylight Savings Time - so I was raised to believe that most of my horroscope was in Aries. 

I was raised to fight.....a lot! 

See? The dreams have caused me to run to bizzaro stuff for understanding.  

It's not helping. 

Apparently, most of my chart is in Leo or Pisces (one house is in Scorpio).  That explains the bizarre dreams, heavy intuition and the propensity to act out of emotions.  The Leo pieces are probably why I find myself in situations where I get a lot of attention. 

It probably explains why I'm pissed about the lockdowns.  I can't act like a social butterfly. 

Actually, no.  If the Constitution were a religious document, I'd worship the founding fathers. 

I really don't have time to keep messing around with pseudo-science.  It's a bunch of crap.  

*****

I've analyzed the dreams backwards and forwards.  

There was one other epiphany that reminded me of Getty Lee. 

It wasn't Tom Sawyer. 

It was more Roll the Bones.  

I realized that when I was young, I acted like I was immortal and could take risks because it was easy to recover. 

When I was in young adulthood, I was in a couple of deadly relationships.  I took risks because I was gonna die anyway.  I just made sure I had good life insurance for the kiddos. 

Now, that I'm growing into a geezette, I'm taking risks because I really have nothing left to lose.  I could die any day.  

I doubt I could squeeze anymore sense out of the dream nonsense.  

It's time to make myself too busy to dream and ponder how to fix the mess our government put us in. 

Sure, Covid is real.  

The reaction is surreal. 

Things that can be treated are not being treated.  It seems to be a form of Senecide. Older folks are being left to die without adequate information about their prognosis.  My uncle's doctor NEVER disclosed that Covid can cause treatable punctures in the hung. 

Don't get me started in the statistical nightmare.  The information collection is too haphazard to be useful.  

Thinking of genocide, those assholes that wanted Communism are going to pay dearly.  It looks like we got it.  

The only thing Communism brings about is genocide. My grandmother of German-Jewish heritage and my Native American step-father did a lot of expounding upon the evils of government. 

No matter how annoyed I am, you are loved.  This is true even if you're a jack-nut politician - we are all connected - so I'm going to do my best to school you. If you don't listen, well - it'll just be another lesson for you and the universe will make us live this irritating merry-go-round again. 

If I have one more dream about this guy, I'm going to pick another guy and say 'yes.'  That'll drown the dreams out.  Besides, at my age, guys are starting to lose their hearing.  The guy I choose probably won't hear me screaming.  Maybe I should pick a musician?  Musicians typically lose their hearing early. 

Yeah - Covid be damned. 

The politicians have pissed me off enough to cause me to think about leaving my low wage job and going back into activism.  I'm sick of being a slave to stupidity. 

All I know is if I start to get annoyed, my world will implode.  It'll be fun.  

I'm no longer annoyed.  I'm finally angry. 

Hugs, 

S.