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More Nightmares (with correction)


 

Today I am thankful that the nightmares have changed. 

I should explain that I have two types of nightmares. 

In one type of nightmare, I dream of an old friend getting injured or dying. 

I haven't had this dream in two weeks (thank goodness).  I promised to light little white candles for him until I go 30 days without dreaming of him* getting hurt or in pain.  Just a couple more weeks to go. 

Woo hoo! 

*****

I'm pretty sure that the dreams of the tall guy with blue eyes burned to death were premonitions of a colleague who committed suicide via self-immolation in the mountains last month. 

It's sad, though, it would have been preferable that no one died and that the dreams were figments of my subconscious imagination. 

*****

There are other nightmares - these involve marriage. 

Now, after my last relationship, I have determined myself to be a commitment-phobe. 

Don't get me wrong.  I want a long term love - someone I can tease and play with and get to figure out how to really make them sing.  It takes a lot of time to get someone to the point where just a glance and a grin can turn someone to stone. 

That's what I want. 

It would be fun to find someone who sees certain things like a sport.  If one is creative enough, one can never get bored. 

Marriage, though, that's not a good thing.  I don't like marriage because I believe that the government needs to stay out of my sex life.  

*****
I figure those dreams are just telling me to get a boyfriend and a room. 

So - I went on an online shopping spree and bought myself a bunch of brand new under clothes.

I also ordered a bunch of books on getting guys to sing in a private setting. 

One of them is so darn interesting that it's inspired me to buy a bunch of new furniture and maybe a swing. 

Sigh....

I shouldn't have read it before falling asleep. 

So - 

There was a dream when I arrive home from work 

and my stalker-ex is in my living room sitting on a leather chair I've been meaning to get rid of. 

He's crying and begging me to take him back. 

I sit down next to him.  He beckons me to sit on his lap in a manner that was highlighted on one of the pages of the naked singing manual. . 

At this point, our adult daughters come into the house and chase him away.   

The thought of intimacies with him and reminder of that marriage IS a nightmare. 

At least no one died. 

*****
I'm not sure if I should move because I can't fathom bringing a man into this house.  Even though I've had it refurbished and renovated, it's hard to imagine being with someone here....just...no.  There are far too many bad memories.  

I'm not even sure if I should try to meet someone in Covid-land. 

How would one do that? 

Do I go to Pagan events smelling like Four Thieves Vinegar to find someone who understands the reference? 

Someone told me that the mask and social distancing mandate will last until 2024. 

To be honest, I don't think I can hold out quite that long. 

Maybe I'll sleep on it. 


May all your dreams be sweet and all your hopes come true. 

Love ya, 

S. 


* Sorry, I should have been specific.  To be quite honest, I'm really not sure what type of dream is worse, one in which one is in physical anguish or one in which one is shackling themselves to mundaneness. 

Perhaps both types of dreams are two very different kinds of nightmares.  If I count the relationship dreams as nightmares, I'd better buy stock in a white candle company because I'll be lighting them for a long, long time.  


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