Today I am thankful for what sounds like a lie....
but could, perhaps, be the truth (????).
I was told today that my ex-husband is an alcoholic and cannot be expected to pay child support.. He has allegedly been an alcoholic so long that the State of Colorado has enrolled him into a substance abuse program with the Denver Rescue Mission that will prevent him from working for at least 18 months (maybe longer...up to 27 months).
There will be no turkey donations this year to the Denver Rescue Mission. Well, I'll probably never donate to them again.
I won't be able to afford them because I'm going to have to rebuild the IRA my ex stole after the kids grow up. If he paid his child support, I could afford to put 10% of my earnings into my IRA.
I can't even make the bills right now.
I was hoping to get help so I could save a little money for retirement.
I'm more angry that they are enabling a liar.
It's a deadbeat dad's world.
Liars tend to do well in court.
He's a narcissist.
He wins.
He learned the big secret: Claim to have a drug and alcohol problem and you get can get out of child support for up to 27 months in Colorado should you get into the right rehabilitation program **.
He won't have to pay child support for another 18 months. It could go as long as 27 months.
I'm on my own......
I guess I was NOT surprised at the fact that my ex keeps finding excuses not to help. He has excuses coming out of his ears.
I am surprised that he's an alcoholic.
The reason is that he, allegedly, sustained a head injury when his mother threw him into a coffee table at the age of two.
Allegedly.....
the neurosurgeon stated that he cannot drink a drop of alcohol or it will KILL him.
He claimed he heard this as a teenager.
When he became abusive, I feared a traumatic brain injury so I sent him to the same neurosurgeon.
In fact, I still have the MRI in the closet.
I heard the exact same thing.
Alcohol will kill my ex!
Not only that, my ex is diabetic. Alcohol would kill him.
Time and time again, doctors congratulated him on not touching a drop of alcohol. Alcohol would have put him at a higher risk of cardiovascular disease. It would have destroyed him.
He did not drink in this house.
If he did, he managed to hide it from HIS DOCTORS!!
That is what I find hard to believe. In this world of blood and urine tests, how does one hide alcoholism?
Something isn't adding up.
My ex did not like alcohol in the house. Exceptions were to be make for ritual alcohol which was often filled with herbal offerings to ruin the taste yet appease the Gods.
I couldn't drink around him.
In restaurants and bars, we drank tea.
I do not see him as an alcoholic.
In fact, he went to Al-Anon meetings. His dad was an alcoholic. He wasn't.
He NEVER drank because it would kill him.
Apparently, my ex also masqueraded as a sober Pagan.
Maybe he isn't lying. Maybe the Denver Rescue Mission took a solid health history and looked into his medical records.
Maybe he didn't drink a fifth and knock on their door one night to get sympathy.
Maybe, he's been good at lying for many, many years.
Maybe the Al-Anon meetings were a ruse?
********
Allegedly, the Denver Rescue Mission sees him as a Christian alcoholic.
That's okay.
I'll have to make due.
So, the lawyers asked me to drop everything after spending an additional $3.670 on legal fees trying to figure out why the CO-PEP wanted to lower his child support based on a call center job he held for a little over a month.
My ex is an accountant!
On the fourth request for information, we received a letter from the Denver Rescue Mission offering up the latest excuse.
It appears my ex claims to be a drunk.
The kids don't need things. The only person who counts is my ex and, once again, irresponsibility is rewarded.
Yeah...that's how I think the legal system views non-custodial deadbeats. They have more rights than the kids, the taxpayers and the single parents working two jobs. It appears that even men current on their child support don't get help from the state.
Hard work doesn't mean a darn thing.
I need to find out how to make the most of the 24 hours that make up each day.
There is nothing that I can do except look for yet another job. I just got one offer. It is NOT going to be enough.
******
Maybe the court will let me move to an area where I can easily get a psych job that pays more. I'd need to go to a rural area for that.
If my ex isn't going to visit the kids, maybe I should do just that.
Just watch....if I ask for something I want. He'll fight it. The state of Colorado is paying for his lawyers.
Why wouldn't he fight it?
I'm stuck.
I am really stuck cleaning up after my ex.....again.
*******
I'm looking for silver linings. If I drop out of the court case, I can actively go about talking about my experience and asking lawmakers to defund a program that basically excuses the lies of deadbeat parents
and puts these people in a position where they cannot visit their kids.
My ex is forbidden from leaving the shelter building for 18 months.
This means he cannot work.
This means he cannot visit the kids.
Another one of whom will be of legal age in 18 months.
He is going to miss a graduation.
It's a shame no one can talk sense into this man.
That's okay.....
If he's telling the truth.....
he worked for a trucking company.....why didn't he fail a drug screen?
why doesn't he have a dui?
When he was fired from the city, why didn't D.P. (his boss) mention alcohol, the odor or anything that would suggest alcohol abuse?
D.P. threw everything against the wall to stick it to my ex. If he were drinking, she'd have said something.
This isn't adding up.
It really isn't.
It seems like someone is coaching him to get out of child support.
At first, he wouldn't move because he was told it wouldn't be collectible if he still had my address.
Now, he knows that if he claims to have a drug or alcohol program, it is not collectible either.
Who is coaching him?
I guess it doesn't matter.
Eventually, the kids will be upset at the missed graduations, trips, award ceremonies and band concerts.
He will have no one to blame except himself!
*******
The only thing that makes sense is that he would leave me for weeks on end and beg to come home.
That can be the only time I can imagine him drinking. Often, our credit cards were decimated by these events.
There were no debits from liquor stores. Maybe he paid for the crap in cash.
I don't know.
I feel betrayed.
I will never trust this man again. Up until today I was kind. I forwarded job leads even if I were yelled at. I always put in a good word for him.
I will NEVER ever help this man. I will never give him another dime. I will never give him a another vehicle nor will I lend him my car ever again. I will never spot him money for auto insurance again.
I will never help him again.
I will never trust him with anything I have.......ever.
He is on his own.
If he so much as comes to my house reeking of alcohol, I am calling the police. He can take it up with Arapahoe House.
I have zero tolerance for asshats.
If he is lying about his alcoholism, he will suffer for it. I know he lies to get out of things.
The problem with lies is that......eventually, they become the truth.
******
This also explains the great Goddess Artemis and why she urged me to leave Michael in 2004.
I was loyal to him.
Even when men came to me urging me to leave for my safety.....
I was loyal to him.
Even when he left me for weeks at a time.....
I was loyal to him.
I was loyal to a fault.
I regret it.
May he gets what he deserves.
May the child support system STOP enabling abusers. I'm sorry but he financially abused me. He stalked me and destroyed my earning capacity. Colorado is continuing the financial abuse.
This isn't adding up.
He made $50,000 a year. I've never come close to that. When I started to make money, his relatives would come out of the woodwork and harass me.
The kids don't stop needing stuff because this guy doesn't want to work or starts to drink or whatever the heck claims to be doing now.
I still have a hard time believing that he's drinking. I'm sure, if his neurosurgeon was right, he'd have wound up in the ER.
I can't tell if this is a game to get out of child support or he's really so stupid as to risk his health in this way.
He is a liar. He played a similar game to get out of alimony. I let him win. By doing so, maybe I created a monster.
Maybe this is a deadbeat's way of winning. Maybe this is a state agency teaching us that it needs to be put of business.
That's okay.
There is a potential bright spot.
If the Denver Rescue Mission keeps their promise to keep him locked up for 18 months, then I can go about my life free of stalking. I get the sense that this is a voluntary rehabilitation. That doesn't really make me feel safe because, in all reality, he can leave at any time.
There is a second bright spot.
If I decide to let my ex win, I will start squawking and sharing some legal filings from CO-PEP with my local lawmakers.
*******
It's a shame one of my favorite lawmakers is under fire for sexually harassing women.
I mentioned the controversy to a friend. She accused me of being jealous that Mr. lawmaker never hit on me.
I'm not jealous.
The problem is that I don't believe that he would do such a thing. He's the only lawmaker who went to bat for domestic violence and stalking victims.
It's hard to believe that someone who respects women would behave in that manner.
He won't be open to listening to me this time because he's fighting his own battle.
He's my in my prayers.
My ex lost my prayers as of this morning. I cannot pray to help a liar. What's the point? How do I know that the prayers I say mean anything if he's lying about his life.
I hope he figures it out.
I've got a big enough puzzle to solve on my own.
Love ya lots,
S.
**I've interviewed another lawyer. I learned that non-custodial parents can lower, reduce, abate and/or suspend their child support if they are lucky enough to have someone that appears to be an medical professional write a note for them claiming that they can't work.
There is a child support loophole!
I'm embarrassed to say that I took all of the drug and alcohol counseling classes up to a CAC III. I think I would KNOW if the man I married was a drinker. The only reason I'm not licensed is that my ex and his family were stalking me when I went to class and was in private practice. Too many years have elapsed, so I need to start over.
I'm shocked the Rescue Mission didn't look into his medical history prior to diagnosing him. I'm still trying to figure out if they have to be licensed to provide the psychiatric services they claim to provide. I have NEVER heard of an 18-27 month alcohol rehab program.
I am pretty sure there is a darn good reason why I've never heard of such a long-term program.
Of course, my ex wrote to me to tell me that he wasn't an alcoholic (?). He requested money to pay for a storage unit for the things the State of Colorado says he doesn't have (clothing, TV's...that kind of thing). He said that he entered the program due to depression.
Um.....I don't know of any rehab programs for depression that last 18-27 months, either. I've been searching and asking colleagues. I get the same answer.
He's avoiding child support.
Yes, my ex is playing a game.
The State of Colorado is enabling deadbeat dads.
CO-PEP needs defunded.