Today I am thankful for friendship.
In a post hidden from my kiddos, I asked my Facebook buddies if they'd ever been in the shocking position of having someone they knew for a long-time be an alcoholic -
and then deny being in a 18-27 month alcohol treatment program for alcoholism by stating they are only depressed.
It only took me a day to realize that my ex-husband meant that he was BOTH depressed and alcoholic.
I'm angry.
I WILL never trust him again.
I am refusing to read the emails he's sending. He wants me to pass messages on to the kids for him.
He can text them.
I'm tired of the crap.
I will probably cave to CO-PEP's demands that I lower his child support and give him a 18-27 month grace period so he doesn't have to pay it.
IF HE SO MUCH AS DROPS OUT PRIOR TO THAT 18 MONTHS AND REFUSE TO MODIFY BACK TO AN APPROPRIATE LEVEL, I WILL COME AFTER THAT AGENCY LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL.
HOW MANY OTHER SINGLE PARENTS GET SCREWED AROUND BY THIS AGENCY?
HOW MANY OF THEM ARE WORKING TWO JOBS AT MINIMUM WAGE?
This department is an abomination.
It needs stopped....NOW!
That is the game, isn't it?
Dishonest custodial parents lower child support due to a voluntary stint at rehab and then leave and go back to making good money without telling anyone.
That's the game.
It's the same game as being an accountant, leaving that gig and taking a 6 week job at a call center.
When Child Support asks for proof of income, do you want to take a wild guess at what paycheck stubs he shares?
Yeah, that'll be the $12 an hour one not the $25 per hour one.
I don't think we should allow the government to meddle in private contracts. I certainly don't think the government should be enabling deadbeats.
I could understand if he had SSDI. He doesn't.
He's lost my help.
I will never trust an alcoholic that doesn't fess up to his illness.
I am honestly, quite surprised, his seizure disorder didn't kill him.
Maybe his neurologist lied when he said alcohol would kill him.
I don't know.
Someone is lying....be it the State of Colorado, my ex or the Denver Rescue Mission.
Someone IS lying.
I'm pretty sure I know who it is.
I'm pretty sure his name is Michael.
He is my ex-husband.
He is my stalker.
The emails are a way for him to get back into the house and refuse to leave.
I'm not going to fall for that again.
*****************
I grew up with a young man named Patrick. He lived a block away. He is just a few weeks younger than I.
When I was fourteen, I told him we'd never date because I was too old for him. He recently confessed to being jealous of my first love because they are the same age!
Patrick and I are both Irish. We both have naturally very dark auburn hair. It looks brown but if you walk us in the sun, it glows like a copper penny.
We both have translucent skin.
We both grew up to be political activists.
He saw my messages yesterday.
He saw that I was working at a call center job and looking for a second legitimate job to make ends meet.
He was able to put two and two together because I've never received child support.
I never will now....stupid State of Colorado. When you reward a deadbeat, you teach him not to be responsible. The next time I hear from him, it'll be because he wants more money or to drop more of his support.
Mark my words....
Patrick said he'd seen enough over the years and he wanted to let me know what my ex was trying to do.
The stalking is meant to scare me so Michael can have control of my life. It is meant to disrupt my job (so I'm dependent upon him for money which happened in the past).
It is meant to keep me from dating so I'll be available for him.
The request to store his stuff at my home is so he has keys and can come and go at will (which is how I got stuck with him living here in the first place after the divorce).
The State of Colorado claims he has nothing. He has stuff. They just don't know about it. I'm trying to be nice. He told me to sell his football card collection. I was saving it for him.
Maybe I should sell it to pay the legal fees he and CO-PEP caused me to run up. CO-PEP wouldn't talk to me unless I hired a lawyer. I'm about $3,700.00 in the hole now.
I also gained insight into the mind of an alcoholic. They lie. They are in denial of their addiction.
Yes, I know that.
They will either hide it from work or their family.
Mike must've hidden it from me.
Holy crap, he has become like his father.
All those years, he pretended to go to therapy and sat around McDonalds eating. I found out when I never received bills from his psychiatrist - I'd only find corresponding debits from McDonalds.
All those years I tried to help him. I paid for weight loss doctors. I paid for all sorts of things to help him get ahead even after the divorce.
All that kindness was wasted.
I learned something - as harsh as it sounds, I am learning not to waste any more kindness on the homeless.
Many of them are choosing this lifestyle and they are 'effing people up in the process. My ex had 18 months to look for a job while staying at my home, using my wifi, my paper, my resources. I'd do his laundry and try to help him.
He refused to listen when I had job leads for him.
I'm done helping.
I know that sounds tough -but- unless it's a child crying out for a blanket, I'm not helping.
My ex ruined it.
CO-PEP ruined it.
The Denver Rescue Mission ruined it. I have been talking to activists who think there is some type of work scam going on there. I need to do more research but I can't get anyone to answer my question.
The theory is that someone is making money off of the labor of these men. They only pay them $1 a week. I'd like to know who has what contract with whom.
Something is fishy.
*******
Patrick gave me a handmade wooden angel when I was fourteen years old. I held on to it all these years. I held it when my father died. I kept it with me when I was recovering from the rape. I held onto it when I was recovering from the subdural hematoma during the beatings I had endured when I was younger. That angel is barley hanging on by a thread. I wore her out.
He told me he'd make me another one.
I hope he didn't hear me crying.
I don't know if I want to share too much of my four hour conversation with Patrick. I just realized if I shared it, I'd betray him.
My friend told me secrets.
We prayed for each other.
He invited me to the high school reunion.
I sure hope his wife goes.
I shouldn't ever take her place.
Maybe if they both come out to Denver, I'll make them dinner or something.
I sure wish that Michael hadn't trashed my basement, otherwise I'd let them stay here.
I think that is the reason she doesn't want to go -
she doesn't want to spend money on a hotel.
Her husband is such an old friend- he's practically family.
I wish I could get my crap together so I could be a hostess to those I love and care about.
*********
I can see how things are going to play out.
Michael will get his support reduced. He'll hide and get a job off the books.
I'll never see a dime.
I blame CO-PEP. I just have to find other custodial parents messed up by a dysfucktional system.
*******
Now, this is weird.
I'm going to tell you what happened today.
Michael is allegedly in a rehab program for alcoholics and cannot leave.
Someone knocked on our back door twice this afternoon. Now we have a 6' security fence. It is locked. How in the heck did they get into the yard?
They came around front and knocked on the front door.
I'm terrified for the girls.
In the past, when Michael had business trips or away at work, his family members would show up at the house and hassle me.
They'd block me in the driveway.
They'd start fires on the front porch.
They'd come at me head-on in the street and pretend to be with the insurance company.
I'd catch them breaking into the home.
I'd find bloody underwear on the back porch.
I don't think him being in rehab is going to change anything.
I wonder why he can't live with his family?
Maybe he knows that being in rehab will relieve him of his responsibilities?
It seems that way, doesn't it.
He's not a nice guy.
Men like that finish last because people cease to trust them.
*******
I'm trying to let the words my friend said soak in.
It's hard to imagine I was so damn stupid.
I know, now, that the stalking isn't over.
I am terrified about it.
I'm trying to focus on the good things in my life.
I have a great job opportunity. I'm just waiting for the background check to come back. It pays less than I make now but the company won't ask me to break the law.
I am looking to get a loan to fix up the house. If the stalking doesn't stop, I'm going to court to ask to move from Colorado. I need be able to work at my chosen occupation. If Mike is truly in rehab for 1-3 years, and his family leaves me alone, I could go back to hypnosis.
But - after what happened today....I don't think that will happen in Colorado.
******
May you find comfort in your friends when the time comes.
May you be the comfort your friends need when they are down.
Love ya,
S.